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Messages - A friend in FL

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Moral Inventories
« on: November 14, 2002, 08:43:00 PM »
Hi again, Part of the problem of getting old is that the memories fade.  Re: Art & co., I remember very little.  I remember singing "Art Barker, father of the Seed, he's my best friend..." with tears streaming down my face. I was soo hooked!

I remember one Open Meeting vividly. Art addressed the group with a question. "How many of you are atheists?" I recall being the only one who raised my hand.  He was trying to make a case that we all beleived in God.  I blew his case.  Fortunately, it was only within a year that I was able to see how God had, and was, working in my life.
 -Unfortunately, three of my dearest friends were banished from the program for sharing (unobtrusively) their new found faith. Christianity had become a threat. Why? I can only speculate.

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Moral Inventories
« on: November 14, 2002, 05:27:00 AM »
Hi Greg, My experience at the Seed was in Ft. Lauderdale in '74.  My name is Cheryl.
While I'm online I'd like to thank you for playing an especially important role on this site. I find, as I am sure many others do, your input as a sorce of encouragement-Frieda's as well. Thanks!

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Moral Inventories
« on: November 11, 2002, 12:35:00 AM »
Hi everyone, A couple of weeks ago I was going through my dusty closet and found an old black sachel. It was full of my Moral Inventories from 1974-75.  I began reading through them and found them very disturbing. What I found that most disturbing was that the "parroting" I did in the raps extended into my own journaling.  It is true that our inventories were read by our Oldcomers. However, I do not think that I was just "preaching to the choir".  I was beleiving the garbage. It is very sad when something that is so close to a diary in nature, is a collection of myths. I was unable to be true to myself.

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The Seed Discussion Forum / THE SEED SUCKS
« on: September 05, 2002, 10:44:00 PM »
Hi there, I remember Rick B. I am pretty sure that Robin is his sister.

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Do you remember when?
« on: September 05, 2002, 10:21:00 PM »
Hello everyone, Does anyone remember campaigning for Art? I don't remember what office he was running for, perhaps City Councilman. I recall traveling around the Hollywood area for two days holding up signs.

Also, does anyone remember "The Seedlings"? It was an acoustic band that played on a few occasions. Some, if not all of its members were as follows: Thom Mc., Gina P., Cheryl H., Tessie and Lourdes ( I can't recall their last name, only that they were sisters.) I remember playing for a wedding that was held where we had our raps.  However, I don't remember who got married. Could it have been Cliff? We sang two songs,"Sunrise,Sunset" from Fiddler on the Roof and "The Wedding Song".

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Who's still there from Andrews to 84?
« on: September 05, 2002, 12:33:00 AM »
Hi there, I apologize for adding further to anyone's pain. It can sometimes be difficult to articulate clearly in this medium.
I never intended to suggest that I beleive that it is God's will for any of us to be subjected to humiliation or abuse, nor to experience the deep heartache that can linger,sometimes for years as a result;not for our growth or for any other reason. He wants us to be able to trust, to be able to feel, to be connected to others- safely. What I was trying to say is that I have seen broken people become dynamic in their ability to walk others through pain. To take those with similar backrounds to a place of healing and wholeness-to a place where we remember, but without anger and pain.
The "comfort" that I spoke of was not a comfort inherent of the Seed. The concept of comfort is the antithesis of most things having to do with the Seed. However one example of the comfort that I spoke of is what is demonstrated by most of you in this forum. You care for each other. You allow one another to vent. You confront. You encourage. You console. These are all ways that God's love is demonstrated. It is His ability and plan to bring beauty out of ashes.
On a personal note,just because I left the program unscathed does not mean I did not suffer its abuses. I too was victimized. I know what its like to be shredded apart during group. I have heard and seen the coached indifference on my mother's face when she "tough-loved" me after I escaped. I have tasted the shame of having been one of those people that verbally thrashed a person apart in front of 50 or so spectators. I also inherited a speech impedement. When I am under stress, I can't find my words and at times, sentences come out like "word-salad". This never happened before the Seed experience.
I was however,very fortunate to have a support system in place when I left,that continues to this day. It is my hope that now I will have two!
(For the record: I am not pathetic .)

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Who's still there from Andrews to 84?
« on: September 03, 2002, 12:26:00 AM »
Hi there, First I want to say that I am so sorry for the deep pain that so many of you have experienced, and are still feeling all these many years later. I am very grateful to have survived the 5+ months on 84 unscathed. I went into the program in the fall of '74. My sisters were the first in our family to go. The oldest was at the Tropical site and moved. I was 14 at the time when I entered the program. I was desperate for attention and to have a sense of belonging somewhere -anywhere. I may have smoked pot all of three times up to that point but made my parents beleive that my drug use was much worse. I went for an intake earlier in the summer and was turned away.  So, three months later I tried again. This time one of my sisters dressed me for the part. I went in "costume" with a trumped-up bad attitude and made the grade. (Do you remember the female character in the movie The Breakfast Club? The one who had nothing better to do than go to detention all day on a Saturday?)Pathetic huh?
However,when I graduated, I was left with the gift of several lifelong friends and a renewed relationship with God. I wish I could say that they too were not damaged by the experience. I cannot. My closest friend suffered tremendously for years. The others have suffered as well. What does give me comfort is that even a program like the Seed can be used by God to develop us (including all of you) into people of compassion, and love. Who knows better how to comfort, than those who have needed and received comfort?  Who knows better how to mend broken hearts than one who's heart has been mended. If yours has not, reflect on your experience and turn the hurt and pain over to the one who knows what it is like to be ridiculed publicly, to be beaten and abused and broken.  He loves you and is in the healing business.
A friend

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