To Each Her Own

[Anonymous]

I attended MMS from 1997-1998.  I still have dreams of being sent back and I am now 25, married with two kids and sucessful buisness owner.  By most accounts you could say I turned out okay, but do I my successes to MMS? No. I still struggle with an eating disorder, something that was barely touched on my whole year and a half there, if anything MMS maybe made it worse.  Its I really wish could have been delt with better while I was there.  All I can say is that my emotions about the school have been an emotional roller coaster.  Lots of anger, resentment, negativity built up for years over my experience there.  I vented one night on a board called "stuggling teens" and I would have to say it was a very nasty post.  I got a call from Colleen shortly after.  I got the post taken down.  I am glad that I did.  I don't want to be responsible for a struggling teen not getting the help they need because of my "opinion."  I have decided what didn't work for me, might work for someone else.  My mom should have researched it more, I should have been sent somewhere that could deal with my eating disorder as well the the drugs, MMS was not designed to do that they were much more of a make you or break you, I really needed something different a program with more trust and nurturing. When I got there I really wanted help and I wanted to get better and receive guidence, I went on my own free will.  I even read the borchure before I went!  But I realize now MMS was designed to break you down first, you had to earn your status and respect there.  I didn't understand what I was being treated so harshly when I was trying really hard and being honest, but now I see why they do that. But in the same breath I guess some kids may need that, I just didn't.  

I was under John Mercer the WHOLE time I was there.  He took me in as his "personal "project" because he said I had potential and he thought he was good for me.  However, all this did was perpetuate the pattern of my life.  I spent my whole time there seeking his approval and attention, something that had driven me crazy and caused a lot of my issues at my own home seeking approval and attention from my own dad.  Of you guys who know John Mercer, trying to get his approval was like chasing a rainbow.  It was devastating to me, it continued my pattern of never being "good enough". I left early while on a home visit after about 18 months, I convinced my mom not to send me back, I never formally graduated.  I've never regretted it either.  I just don't feel like MMS ever really got the real me, they never got to the heart of me because they assumed from the beginning they knew me.

But its been a long time and I've decided that I need to take what I could from the experience and get over it.  I have decided that I believe that the staff there had good intentions no matter how flawed the treatment was at times.  I don't think that I can speak for everyone that attended MMS.  Just like here on the board, some people had good experiences, some bad. When I look at my experience what I can say that I've gotten through some tough times since I left because at MMS I learned how to weather the storms.  I truly believe what dosen't kill us makes us stronger. Thats what I took from there.  (I am also extremely efficient at "chores" my husband never ceases to be impressed) I've heard theres been changes since I left and I hope that MMS really wants to help girls.  If they are then I'll just chalk it up as another interesting/ hard experience that I learned a lot from and Im glad its over.  Would I send my daughter there?  Probably not.  I believe a parent is a parent and you don't have kids to send them away when it gets hard.  But I have no ill will to MMS. I hope they help lots of girls. It might not have been the right fit for me, but that does not mean it dosen't fit everyone.

Ashlee (Terry) Rumfallo
[email protected]

(I wish more posters put thier names I want to know who everyone is!  I would love to hear from anyone who was there while I was.  I know that people might not like me because I "left early"  but I'm not a bad person, :roll:  REALLY!)

[Anonymous]

By the way, I really am not trying to "bash" I just wanted to post my thoughts, there are so many angry posts here I just felt that I wanted to write without being angry. Also in perspective of not EVERYTHING was bad and hurtful at MMS, that maybe just like everything in life, its not perfect and different people have different expereinces and thats okay, lets not be angry and hateful about it.

[Anonymous]

I forgot to put my name, I wrote above post too.

Ashlee R

[katfish]

Wow, Ashlee Terry- huh, you have the same name of a girl who attended MMS with me back in 1992.

 In anycase, yup, I agree, MMS had good points in addition to the bad, and whatever doesn?t kills us makes us stronger and better prepared for the future. My take on MMS however, is while we all have flaws, when you have the responsibility of caring for what is now 40 girls that come from difficult backgrounds there needs to be a program that is implemented that is most effective and helpful and remove that which is ineffective.  Not only ineffective but, in my personal experience harmful.  
The feeling I can't escape is that I have a personal responsibility to myself and a sense of responsibility to others to do what little I can to help get these schools regulated by not only addressing, but being careful not to downplay the significance the part of the program which I felt was abusive.  Just as with my parents, I had to address that which was harmful to me and speak my truth.  I?m all for the regulation of these types of schools to ensure that futrue kids are treated with care, respect and dignity.  I see where you?re coming from, but my feeling is that I felt the program was so harmful that I think that part of it needs to change for the sake of future girls and so that the parents and counselors alike understand that it is not ok to treat kids in that manner for the sake of recovery.  With regards to MMS I think the ends do not quite justify the means.
(please excuse the redundancy)


Kathryn Whitehead

[Anonymous]

I understand what you are saying, but you have proof right here that it does work for some girls.  If you had overwhelming  negative responses from everyone who ever went there then yes you would have a valid point.  But to rip on the school because of a handful of negative experiences is wrong.  Of course no program is perfect for everyone.  I worked at a program while in college that was sooo different from MMS, and yet there too you would find good responses and bad responses there also.  Going after regulation is fine but I don't think that bashing is appropriate just because of bad experiences of some.  I know how you feel, I felt that angry at a few times too, but maybe the solution is that there needs to be better placement proceedures so kids get put in programs that are going to work for them. At some point you have to look at the big picture.  If you feel you have a valid point send out questionaires to ALL MMS alumni, then you might have a case.  You know my response might not  be positive but I don't agree on shutting it down and a lawsuit, no.  I think its too bad that kids might not always be put in the best programs FOR THEM, but thats just the reality when you are dealing troubled kids.

Ashlee R.

[enge4815]

hey ashlee
I hope you can read my posts. I have seen your profile on classmates.com and I have to tell you that I appreciate your post though I don't agree with it all. I have no idea where bee or cary or ann are today but if I did I would tell you. I hope that this helps. I just wanted to say hi. I am sad that you are still struggling with your eating disorder can you get help for it? Where are you living now? You got married and have kids now? wow how time flies. Feel free to say hi any time.
Rebecca Engel

[Antigen]

On 2005-05-01 00:48:00, Anonymous wrote:

I wish more posters put thier names I want to know who everyone is!

Please, pick a username. Give as much or as little accurate info as you want to.

We are a one party country. Half of them call themselves Democrats and the other half call themselves Republicans. All the good ideas come from the Libertarians.
--Hugh Downs

[Antigen]

On 2005-05-01 09:48:00, katfish wrote:

so that the parents and counselors alike understand that it is not ok to treat kids in that manner for the sake of recovery. With regards to MMS I think the ends do not quite justify the means.
(please excuse the redundancy)


Kathryn Whitehead

"

No excuse necessary :exclaim:

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
--H. L. Mencken, American publisher

[katfish]

Hey Ashlee,

Here's how I see it, some girls, truely mistreated have every right to be angry should they seek to file a lawsuit, from the stories I've heard, I wouldn't blame them. Quicky, you said above that you thought some girls shouldn't sue MMS b/c others don't agree or were helped by the experience, but that's really irrelevant.  People don't stop and say wait, 'Enron didn't fuck my cousin (he may have even made money!) so maybe I shouldn't try to get back the money I lost and hold them liable for x, y, z'.  I know girls out there don't agree with the lawsuit against MMS, but some girls were truely hurt and it's very insensitive to comment without knowing the story...  


Where I'm coming from regarding regulation: I completely agree, better placement, that's a great place to start.  Part of that is the educational consultants (if they're hired)the other, bigger part is the school.  They need to understand what their limitation are and send kids elsewhere once they're there and if they can't help- I'm not just referring to the obvious one b/c that's a miniscule percentage of the girls they can't help.  The problem with acutally putting that into effect is that at MMS girls are punished for acting out- which suggests they need help outside of what MMS can provide,  but if the program is fear based how can the girls feel comforatble by saying, 'excuse me, John, this isn't working for me, maybe I should be sent somewhere else?'  If you arrive there you don't feel that's an option.
That's why I feel so strongly about regulation, I don't see John (hence the school) changing on his own.  And even the girls who had good experineces (with the exception of the extreme advocates of MMS- which seem to be only a few comparatively)  agree thing should change, as you do.  They won't change by themselves though- just not going to happen and changing the procedural part is not enough, since that's not the only problem as I'm beginning to see more and more the nuetral girls concur with me on that.  
Since the problems at MMS are not all procedural, change need to come to the damaging aspects of the school- regardless if other aspects are good.


This is also part of the reason girls shut their mouths and changes at these types of shcools are hard to come by...people move on b/c it's almost too traumatizing to fight for what they believe is right- there's very little support b/c girls feel to help address the negative somehow negates the positive.  No one is saying that though.

kat

[Anonymous]

Im not trying to discredit anyone.  Just stating things as I see it, not trying to force my veiws.  The thing is, I know what you guys are talking about as far as mistreatment I don't disagree that it happened.  I had it happen to me too.  I guess I just personally disagree with the means of seeking change.  In general (not all the time) I disagree with lawsuits.  Personally I would feel much more satisfaction of going to directly to the school and saying exactly what I think about the time I was there.  I know its scary, and I can't say that I've had the balls to do it. Yes I'm scared, but if there was truely a lot of other girls who feel the same way that I do, I would be happy to band together and do it as a group.  A couple of great things happened for me at the school, like getting into a great college (with Colleen's help) and I can't bring myself to totally discredit that by being mean and vindictive towards the school.  I think that we could be a powerful catalist for change, except we have to get our stories straight without all anger and fear and be brave enough to face the school as adults, not hiding behind a lawsuit.  I guess I feel this way because when it comes down to it, I believe that John Mercer and Colleen and Gary have good intentions and that goes a long way with me.


You said also , "girls feel to help address the negative somehow negates the positive."

I agree, that sums up a lot of what I think right there.


Ashlee

[Anonymous]

I don't think lawsuits are the only way to bring about change, but some girls didn't have grand experience of gettin help from Colleen to get into great college, etc, etc, etc. and just had the bad for the most part- bad bad bad.  I say more power to them, get your justice where you can!  I don't see it as reasonable to expect someone in that position to find any good to come out of just talking to someone they felt really fucked up by.  Maybe if they felt more like you about the good aspects- that they somewhat out weighed the bad then perhaps, but doesn't appear that way.

You say you would like to  address these issues, but are scared, guess what I'm saying is that's part of the problem- the intimidation and need for approval.  Just like the nightmares- on the one hand we call all say to ourselves, how stupid is this, I'm scared- but yet the fear remains b/c that's the way things were set up and I can't imagine the school would function as a well greased wheel any other way.  John has been doing this for 15 years, I really don't see anything changing by having a handful of girls talking to him about it- but Ashlee, maybe you're right...?  
Don't know- maybe we can come up with a list of things we all feel should change at MMS and submit it for them to review and see what John says, what do you think?

[Anonymous]

I bet they might be willing to look at something like that if it meant helping to stop the negativity about the school.  Who knows?  Im sure that they are not happy with forums like this and if taking some critisim from past students could help with getting some of this anger out maybe they would listen?  Or maybe they would throw them all away without reading them?  Im sure that its probably a long shot for making big changes, but I bet it would make a lot of us feel better.  I don't even know if a list would do it, maybe each person could write a MMS "history"  :smile:  .  I think that I would probably feel better if I did that and sent it too them.  I know MMS has gotten very mixed messages from me about my experience there since I left, thats due to a lot of confusion and fear on my part.  I think what I want more then anything is to be at peace with that time in my life and for some reason I can't just find that peace.  I've tried, and Im not a screwed up person really anymore, Im pretty normal so its not that I blame them for anything wrong in my life now.  I just can't figure out why I still think about it so often and why I get such "yucky" (for lack of a better word) feelings about it.  I just know that bashing and lawsuits are not what I need to find that peace.  Or maybe no one ever feels at peace with thier teenage years period?  I don't know, its still all very confusing to me, and its been seven years since I left.

Ashlee

[Anonymous]

Hello girls,
     Wow, it's been a while.  I attended MMS from 97-99.  I would love to get in contact with some old friends I still hold dear to my heart.  What we went through up there isn't quite like anything else, huh?  I think we should stick together.  Please email me [email protected].  Hope you all are doing well.  
                            Laura Ezell

[BIRDLADY360]

I AM LOOKING FOR ALUMNI WHO WERE AT MMS WHEN MIA SCHIMMEL ATTENDED.  DO YOU REMEMBER HER?  WHAT HAPPENED TO HER ?

[Anonymous]

I was there with Mia and shes one of the few who Ive never heard anything about after I left.