On 2005-04-22 14:02:00, Dolphin wrote:
"The picture isnt from Cross Creek -
The hobbitt at SCL -in the photo - has heat, so it wasn't like it was cold. You're in the mountains, so unless they had a separate cabin for kids that acted out or were threatening to hurt someone, where else would you give them some time to think about their actions? THey could beg all they wanted, but until they proved they weren't going to hurt anyone, they had to be somewhere they didn't like to be. If they liked it, they'd want to stay and do nothing. Could it be that all the kids that go there are good kids making good choices and someone just decided they wanted to put someone in there for no reason. It's unbelievable how enabling you all are! Apparently you've never dealt with a angry kid that needed some "think" time. "
Are you kidding?! I've dealt with a raging bipolar. I've *been* a raging bipolar.
"Proved" they weren't going to hurt anyone?! You can't prove a negative. Talk about a Catch-22.
Have you ever *tried* to stay someplace and "do nothing"? You run out of steam to do that.
Just like trying to sustain a rage---without someone to rage back and forth *with*, you wind down.
What *your* parents did didn't work. Unless the kid is dangerously mentally ill and is in a facility that works on the medical, not behavioral, model, GOOD conventional parenting works.
What works? Parenting classes from someone who knows what the hell they're doing.
My parents weren't superhuman, they made mistakes. My sister and some of her friends were just about as wild as they come. Some of my friends were as wild as they come and I was no angel and no picnic, either. Our parents managed because they knew effective parenting strategies for a teenager take time.
You have to spend as much time parenting a wild teenager as you do a two-year-old. Too tough? "Wah." Affection, even when they're in one of their really obnoxious phases, a determinedly pleasant home environment (around the teen--the wild teen is NOT pleasant, I know), serious adult supervision, and acceptance that you're just going to be able to keep the wildness down to a dull roar until they grow up.
The wildest, rottenest kids I knew in school were already straightening up to be *mostly* decent and *mostly* a bit mature by twelfth grade.
Most of the parents of the kids who are *not* genuinely disabled are immature brats themselves who have never stuck with something hard in their lives. They pick marriages too casually and either don't ditch out *before* having kids together or don't stick it out, and while a lot of people who have broken marriages with kids are mature adults and cope, these parents just throw in the towel too soon.
Yes, they have to do something, and it has to be something they aren't already doing, but they're picking the wrong thing. They tell themselves they're "doing the hardest thing they've ever done" ::boohoo:: by sending their kid away, but that's a load of bullcrap. They send their kid away because it's *easier* than living with the turmoil and coping.
You don't "fix" a wild child teen. You don't stop their bad behavior. You use your greater life experience and very real parental power to maneuver them to keep it down to a dull roar until they grow out of it.
That's "all", but it's hard.
So what? Life's hard, get over it already.
Timoclea