On 2005-03-22 04:35:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Tim Brace, formerly of ASR and several other facilities frequently mentioned on this forum, has opened Carlbrook School in the same county in Virginia where Wellspring Academy was until it closed a couple years ago.
A bunch of the staff are from places mentioned on this forum too. Does anybody know anything about Carlbrook? Are there actually any good "therapeutic boarding schools" out there?"
I don't recommend "therapeutic boarding schools" unless a child is actively a danger to self or others, and hospitalization and day hospitalization have already been tried and failed to stabilize the child on medication---hospitalization should be tried usually *several* times before giving up on it. The second or third time frequently works at finding a med combination that will stabilize a mentally ill child.
*If* a child has been through all those options and is still an active danger and needs a longer hospitalization than a conventional mental hospital will do, then the parents need to pick an RTC that has been in business for years and years, hasn't recently had a change of ownership or significant change of administration, *doesn't* have survivors or parents all over the internet complaining of fraud and abuse, and *doesn't* accept juvenile delinquents who do not have a comorbid serious mental illness.
If the RTC that looks the best by those criteria has had a recent change of administration or ownership, check the new administrator out closely for prior connections to an abusive facility. *If* the new admin or owner worked in a bad place, ask around on survivor boards for that place to see if he was one of the good guys or a total bastard.
If the RTC that looks best is new check out the owner(s) and major admins for any connections to bad places. If there are any, avoid that place.
If you can't find an RTC that you can afford, that will take your kid, that meets those criteria, then you are best off making do with brief hospitalizations, day hospitalization, or even letting the kid end up in juvie jail rather than a bad RTC.
If you're afraid of suicide, a bad RTC is more likely to increase the risk than decrease it. Reduce stressors on the teen as much as possible, even if it means taking longer to finish school or living as a near invalid for several years, actively manage the teen's medication with a pdoc, and hope for the best. It's uncertain, but it increases the teen's odds.
If the teen is actively dangerous to others and you can't find a *good* RTC to take him, let the justice system take care of his violent acts as breaches of law and put him in jail. Jail is very much better and less a hazard to a violent teen than a bad RTC.
The point is, with a teen that is actively dangerous to self or others, to minimize the worst risks long enough for the teen to grow out of adolescence. Things almost always get *somewhat* better when a person grows out of her turbulent teen years.
If your teen is *not* actively dangerous to self or others, count your blessings and realize that anything else can be mended at least somewhat by the new adult when he or she is grown. A teen who is not actively dangerous to self or others doesn't need or deserve to be in an RTC at all---whether it's a good one or a bad one.
For a drug or alcohol addicted teen, *if* the teen wants help, 3-6 weeks in rehab and/or the *real* Outward Bound plus ongoing participation in Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous or the secular alternative is the *most* you should do. Forcing addicts who don't want help to get help has an abysmally poor track record---addicts who have been forced to get help have no better rate of remission from addiction than addicts who have *not* been forced to get help. Forced "help" simply doesn't work.
All you can do for an addict that doesn't want help is try not to provide supports that enable his addiction, like lying or making excuses for him to get him out of trouble, or bringing him medicine or making his food when he has a hangover, or giving him money or stuff he ought to be buying for himself. You *have* to give a minor addict food, shelter, and clothing. You *can* turn him in to the cops if he's stealing lots of your stuff or violent--you shouldn't if he isn't. What you don't have to do is coddle him or provide sympathy when he feels yucky from the drugs.
Casual users are *not* addicts no matter what the drug warrior idiots tell you. Don't treat them like idiots. Provide them with factual information about why their behavior is stupid and accept that, beyond increased supervision, you can't do anything about it. And that you can't supervise them all the time. Disapproval, information, and *reasonable* supervision is a proportional and responsible response to casual sex or casual drug use.
Most casual users survive it and quit on their own, and survive it better without their parents calling the cops or locking them in their rooms or sending them to an RTC or otherwise vastly over-reacting.
Yes, drug use is bad, even casual use. But the point is to shepherd the kid through adolescence with as little damage as possible. An RTC for a joint or two or weekend binge drinking is a "cure" that's worse than the disease.
The art of parenting a teen is the art of progressively letting go, more and more and more, until you completely let go, even while they turn your hair white with the crap they get up to.
We don't put two year olds in an RTC for having tantrums, we don't put ten year old boys in an RTC for being assholes, we don't put 13 year old girls in an RTC for being bitchy and superficial, and we shouldn't put teens in RTCs for driving fast, drinking, casually trying drugs, making bad grades, and screwing around.
Those bad behaviors, to a greater or lesser degree, are normal to the age and the stage of development, and the appropriate way to deal with them is by normal, consistent, rule-based, sane, stable, garden-variety parenting strategies.
Sending a wild, disobedient, disrespectful, pain in the ass, rebellious, defiant teen to an RTC is *not* a sane parenting strategy. Even if he is a horrible example to your younger children.
Bad-parent-flattering support groups aside, it's the easy way out, substituting spending money for taking personal responsibility for the personal obligation to raise that child.
If Jane parent pays anyone enough money, they'll tell her whatever she wants to hear about how good her bad behavior is. John parent and Betty parent who are engaging in the same bad behavior will be happy to engage in self-deluding empty flattery all day long about what a sacrifice they all are making, how they've made "the hard choice," and how they're not abandoning their children and their personal responsibility to them, and how their abandonment is an "act of love." It *is* empty flattery and it's all absolutely false.
Anyway, if you're considering an RTC for the right reasons, that's how to find a good one.
If you were considering an RTC for the wrong reasons, I hope you'll pay attention to your better judgement and choose not to listen to people filling your ears with empty flattery and plying you with tea and sympathy either because they want your money or they want you to join their conspiracy of self-congratulation for their *own* bad behavior.
Try all the alternatives first, including good parenting and living with your teen being a better or worse than average pain in the butt teen, before taking the huge risk of choosing an RTC.
Julie/Timoclea
