Author Topic: Ask Dr. Fucktard  (Read 12157 times)

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Offline Dr. Fucktard

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« on: March 18, 2005, 07:09:00 PM »
Hello, Fornits druggies!  There have been a few questions asked regarding the new, improved, all-ages, faith based Straight,inc.-by-the-Sea, and I intend to anwer them in this thread .  If you druggies have any other questions , PM me, Dr Fucktard, Fr. Cassian, Ruth Ann, or Dr. Newton and I will answer any of the appropriate ones.  I know some of you malcontents are going to PM us with questions regarding our sexual proclivities, bathroom habits, personal hygiene, comments about our ancestry, and so forth, and I'm going to tell you right now that activities of that kind will not only get you started over and send you down the path of DEADINSANEINJAIL, but will remain unanswered.  

Our first question comes from an anonymous druggie girl who  asks, "Dr. Fucktard, is it true that you and Mel Riddle come from a planet of Gay Niggers and that you trying to take over our planet by using brainwashing techniques such as those used at [the new, improved, all-ages, faith-based] Straight, Inc. [-by-the-Sea]?

Well, Druggie,I can see that you spend a lot of time hitting the ol' bong these days, and I forecast a trip to the front row for you in the near future if you don't lay off the left-handed cigarettes.  I just told you I wouldn't answer questions regarding the sexual proclivities of Executive Staff, or respond to any comments regarding our ancestries, etc. and so on, but since my Awareness tells me that your short-term memory is being held hostage by the demon of THC, so I'll let it pass.  If by "Gay" you mean "possessed of incredible genius in the field of drug treatment" and by "Nigger" you mean "individual who cares deeply for teenagers and other druggies", then the answer would, of course, be a resounding "Yes!"  Any other interpretation would be unthinkable.

 Love ya!  Have a seat....
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Offline Fr. Cassian

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« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2005, 09:06:00 PM »
Hello, Dr. Fucktard!  I've got another question for you from the druggies at Fornits.  This one comes from "Trekker Jag" and he wants to know, "What kind of compensation does the Executive Staff at Straight, Inc.-by-the-Sea receive for their work?".  Personally, I think it's none of that druggie's goddamn business, but this is your "rap", so to speak, so I'll leave it to your professional discretion.
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Offline Dr. Fucktard

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« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2005, 09:08:00 PM »
Damn right it's none of that druggie's business!

Why don't you druggie bastards quit worrying about how much money we make and focus on the tens of thousands of kids that have gotten Straight because of our loving, helpful dedication to the treatment of teen chemical dependency?

You druggie ingrates are all alike.....
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Offline Dr. Miller Newton

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« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2005, 12:35:00 PM »
Good afternoon, Fucktard!  I stopped by the SIBS building today and I must say it is incredible work we've been doing there.  Congratulations are in order to you, Dr. Fucktard, The lovely Ruth Ann, and the rest of the Staff.  Truly inspirational.  I particularly like the shade of yellow that the Group Room is painted. It reminds me of the beloved Gandy Blvd. building.  Ahh, the memories!

Our next question, actually two questions, were sent to me by "Roy", and I'll just use a little 'cut and paste' magic to show it to you:


On 2005-03-31 13:17, Roy wrote:

"Haven't you figured out yet that fucktard is just a troll, a fake, for bating you? You stupid fuck. Where did you get your Doctorate? California Coast College or some other diploma mill?
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Offline Dr. Fucktard

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« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2005, 12:38:00 PM »
Well, Dr. Newton, it was addressed to you, why don't you field this one?  The little druggie apparently feels some sort of admiration for you, so perhaps it would be therapeutic, as well as informative, if you took this one....

Thanks,

Fcktrd2
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Offline Dr. Miller Newton

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« Reply #5 on: April 08, 2005, 01:19:00 PM »
Listen Druggie,

Dr Fucktard (and Dr. Fucktard) is one of the most effective practitioners of drug treatment in the world.  Of course, there's no way a no-good druggie cretin like yourself could know that, but you'll find that out first hand when you're in Group, motivating in a bust ass rap, at the new, improved, all-ages, faith-based, Straight, Inc.-by-the-Sea!

As far as my academic credentials, who are you to question them?  Not only do I have degrees in Divinity and Medical Anthropology, but I have also been awarded honorary Doctorates from several distinguished institutions for higher learning for my incredibly effective work that I have done getting druggies like yourself Straight(TM) and off the path to jails, institutions, and death!  You'll get the chance to be "schooled" in the ways of my wisdom, don't worry about that!

Love ya!  Have a seat!
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Offline Dr Fucktard

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« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2005, 01:36:00 PM »
Roy,

Perhaps Dr. Newton would appreciate your willingness to warn him about being "trolled" by me, his esteemed collegue, if it were in fact the case; but since we've known each other personally (and have for many, many years) you are quite obviously mistaken. Also, I find your use of expletives toward him quite distasteful and devoid of respect since he only has your best interests in mind. When he (or I) curse at you on the board it is only because you need it, Roy. Remember that!

Both Newton and I look forward to seeing you in SIBS...

Love ya! :wave:
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Offline Fr. Cassian

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« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2005, 05:45:00 PM »
Good afternoon, Dr Fucktard!  It's been a busy day, what with all the diseased druggies following me around and harrassing me, but my Awareness tells me that things are looking up, both for me and for SIBS.  The harrassment we've been receiving is basically just the last dying gasps of our opposition, these dissadents know they've lost the fight against us, as we speak kids are getting treatment for their chemical dependencies and dry druggie attitudes at SIBS, and it's not going to stop anytime soon!  Kudos to you and the rest of the Executive Staff at SIBS for your great efforts.

Our next question comes from "Troubled Mom", a parent of a 14 year old druggie son, who asks "Where can I get some more information on SIBS?".
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Offline Dr Fucktard

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« Reply #8 on: April 13, 2005, 11:10:00 PM »
Quote
My teenage son (14 years old) has been using drugs and acting very strange lately. He's disrespectful and I've found used condoms in the trash can in his bathroom, and drug related magazines in his room. He listens to anti-social rock music and gangster rap all day long. I know he's been sneaking his girlfriend in when his father and I are asleep. His grades are falling, and he brags to his younger brother and sister about using drugs. I've heard of a program in Madeira Beach, Florida, called "SIBS". Does anyone have information on this program? I just want my son to stop acting so strangely! We really love him and will spare no expense to help him.

Signed,

Troubled Mom

The activities described above by Troubled Mom are obviously the symptoms of a burgeoning drug problem. If it is not nipped in the bud soon, it will certainly escalate to terrible proportions. In the above preamble Fr. Cassian mentioned what we call a 'druggie attitude' and that is exactly what we are seeing in the case of Troubled Mom's son. This little bastard wouldn't know respect if it came up and bit him in the ass! He's a prime candidate for treatment at SIBS if there ever was one! Troubled Mom, if you really love your son, you will contact us immediately! Don't let another troubled day go by and call us NOW!
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Offline Dr. Fucktard

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« Reply #9 on: April 26, 2005, 04:11:00 PM »
Hello, Fornits druggies!  As many of you know, we've got the SIBS website up and running, and admissions are up because of it.  It's an excellent resource for parents, district attorneys, police officers, social workers and others who care about getting druggies STRAIGHT!

As a matter of fact, our next question comes from "Cesare V" who asks, "Dr. Fucktard, as a law enforcement professional, what can I do to help ensure the success of SIBS?"
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Offline Dr. Frankiln

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« Reply #10 on: April 26, 2005, 09:44:00 PM »
I can answer this one. You can make referrals to Straight by the Sea. For Each druggie you refer to us you will get a $1000.00 cash bonus. If you apprehend a Straight by the Sea runaway you are eligible for reward money for their capture. And if you?re lucky enough, and SIBS is in your jurisdiction you can get paid-off for looking the other way when SIBS occasionally breaks the law.

That is how you can make a huge difference at Straight by the Sea as law enforcenemt personell.
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Offline Dr. Frankiln

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« Reply #11 on: June 21, 2005, 09:44:00 PM »
This next question comes from Webcrawler:

Dr. Franklin:

Will you please make arrangements for this anon fukker of a troll that is spewing filth about me to have special visits with Gary the Gorilla?
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Offline Dr Fucktard

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« Reply #12 on: June 22, 2005, 12:43:00 PM »
No problem. I am always willing to help provide Gary with a little 'company' to take the edge off of his captivity. :lol:

I'm going to go ahead and assume that these anons are druggies or they wouldn't be participating in such juvenile behavior. We will need direct links to the said offensive posts to give to the SIBS Hacker so he can start tracking them down. (This information should be PMed to Dr. Franklin or myself) Once we are able to determine who they are and where they are, it's simply a matter of sending the StraightMobile? around to whisk them off to SIBS.
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Offline Fr. Cassian

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« Reply #13 on: October 29, 2007, 06:14:30 PM »
Hello, Druggies, it's been a while since I've posted here; I've been very busy getting chemically dependent little cretins Straight, through the caring auspices of SIBS, of course, and I haven't had time to spare on other pursuits.  However, I have recently been in contact with a group of concerned parents who would like to know a few things that they can do to help get little druggie creeps off of drugs and on tthe path to recovery.  The question they have for my esteemed colleague, Dr Fucktard, is this:

"Dr. Fucktard, what do we need to do in order to have you or some of the other SIBS executives come to speak at civic functions, such as Kiwanis or Rotary Club meetings, or maybe at our child's school PTA meetings?  Are you available for such engagements?"

I'll leave this one to you, my friend, as I have urgent business at the Church that requires my personal attention---a confession, of sorts.  I'd elaborate further, but I don't want to violate "confidentiality" by talking behind backs, so to speak.   Thank you, and have a Straight day!
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Offline Botched Programming

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Re: Ask Dr. Fucktard
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2008, 02:08:31 PM »
Dr. Fuctard.... Why has the SIB's Forum been inactive all this time??? Does this mean that SIB's has closed down??? And what does this do for "Gary The Gorilla's" self esteem???
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