Several years ago someone named Julian Roberts devised the concept of something called the ?locus of control?. The locus is a continuum between the extremes of external and internal. To quote, ?People with an external locus of control believe that the things that happen to them are unrelated to their own behavior and, therefore, are beyond their control. People with an internal locus of control believe that negative events are a consequence of personal actions and thus potentially can be controlled.? Many studies have shown that people with an internal locus of control are less prone to illness. Of course, statistics can be easily skewed and I will refrain from jumping to any conclusions about there being a direct relationship, but one has to accept there is at least a relationship between the two. From Formerly?s posts, it seems that she is trying to progress toward the internal side of the continuum. Please excuse me if I am mistaken about this assumption. If we were speaking of every-day life, I would encourage such behavioral modification attempts; health may benefit greatly from such a change in outlook. It is physically, and probably mentally, much better to feel that one has control over one?s life from day to day. However, with that being said, there is another side to the argument that must also be examined; especially if one wants to know the ?truth?.
Truth, being applied to psychology, let alone to what happened in Straight, is a slippery and subjective thing. Being factual is obtainable through use of science, and showing a perspective is obtainable through arts, such as painting, drawing, photography, literature, conversation, etc. If we wished to be only truthful about Straight, we would be very limited in what we could say. We would merely be able to list the facts and would have to divorce all feeling and speculation from those facts because, as we all know, we can sometimes be mistaken about our interpretation of events and feelings may not fully and accurately correspond with events. Let?s take our most obvious and appropriate example and apply it to our locus of control.
Truth: I was admitted to Straight as an adolescent. (Other facts, devoid of feeling, may be inserted here. I have omitted them because everyone?s experience differed to some extent.)
External locus of control extreme: I was the complete victim of my parents/guardians. I did nothing to cause my parents/guardians to consider treatment. Staff and the group had no reason to react to me the way they did. I was forced to do everything that I did in Straight. I accept no responsibility for any actions I took while in Straight. I had no choice.
Internal locus of control extreme: I was the bad child. My family was dysfunctional because of me. I deserved to be in Straight because of what I did previous to my admission. Staff and the group treated me the way they did because my behavior dictated it. Anything that happened to me while in Straight was entirely my fault. I accept all responsibility for any actions I took while in Straight. I made all choices.
Now, is either extreme entirely correct? I would have to say that both are incorrect. The only completely factual view would be a listing of the facts. That the listing of the facts does nothing to assist in physical or emotional wellness, one has to determine what the healthiest, or most beneficial, view to have is. As humans we need to have something to fill in the gaps that a mere listing of facts leaves us with.
Let me say that in the case of Straight, I think it is highly detrimental to adopt a view leaning toward an internal locus of control. While that attitude is good to have on a regular basis, I think it is only beneficial in tearing apart the self-value of an individual when used in relation to situations of abuse. In the process of growth toward self-actualization I believe the victim of abuse must play a balancing act upon this locus of control. The end result will be different for each person. It is my assumption that those who have suffered abuse that adopt a heavily internal rationalization may be at risk of suicide and other self-destructive behavior in an attempt to punish themselves for their actions. Those of us in Straight saw this manifest itself though self-destructive behavior such as carving. With that being said, I hope it clarifies why many on this board lean toward external rationalization.
Do not think that I am condoning the external extreme. I am not. I think it is just as crucial to recognize the responsibility we had in our situations. In the end however, one cannot overlook the highly authoritarian structure of the program; enforced by the use of physical violence and emotional torment. If one is leaning toward the internal side of the locus, I have to notice the similarity of the speech between the ideas ground into the individual during the program, and what the individual currently espouses. This could be the reason Formerly was mistaken as a Semblerite. Even though you don?t like the word victim, it is what we were. Though yes, we had some control; we were primarily at the mercy of those who wished to harm us in the name of recovery.
You could have tried to run, or you could have attempted all of the things you suggest you might have done. Perhaps you could have succeeded. There are stories of people that did; however, there are far more stories of people that didn?t. Also remember that hindsight is not accurate. Your perspective of the past is now influenced by all you have learned since then. You were much different the decade or two past. It sounds like what happened to you then would never be able to be inflicted on you again. That is good, and I hope that is the case with all who are here on this board. Perhaps your behavior did justify your parent?s actions of seeking treatment for you, but you are not responsible for the violence and emotional trauma enacted upon you, no matter what staff and the group told you, and regardless of what you currently believe. You are no more responsible for being admitted to Straight and what happened to you in Straight, than is a girl who wears a short skirt is responsible for her own rape. It is ok to have control now, and ok that that you didn?t have control then. You weren?t even of the age you were legally responsible for your actions. I hope that you come to a perspective that gives you peace and security, that you are questioning and testing your rationale shows you are well on your way.
