Yo - Tampa Survivor,
I hear ya, i mean the whole thing is just a mess. As phasers we didn't have a whole lot of options, and i wasn't there by my own choice. If i'd 'a' been 18 i would 'a' signed myself out in a heartbeat. As it was i did everything i could to resist. i managed to cop out off 1st phase on my 64th day, but a bunch of 7-steeppers/(ex)staff hunted me down after 2 days, they physically had to grab me off the street, i mean they abducted me and threw me into their car and sped away. i struggled w/them and even pulled a knife out and held it up on the drivers' throat and threatened to bleed him if he didn't let me out. i was in the back seat w/1 7-stepper/(ex)staff on either side of me, 4 of them altogether in the vehicle. Well i really wasn't about to cut the kid. i was just hoping the threat would be enough but it wasn't. Some "druggie freinds" of mine had been in pursuit of the vehicle i was in and ther was a high speed car chase down Braddock rd. Suddenly the clutch burned out in the vehicle i was in. My loyal and devoted "druggie freinds" caught up to us at that point and tried to free me but the 7-steppers/(ex)staff just kept me inside the vehicle w/the doors locked 'till the cops showed up. i told the cop i wanted to be emancipated. the next day i was brought back into group. This is only 1 chapter in a long history of personal resistence. i mean there were times when i sat w/my hand down for months at a time, i was on all kinds of consequences, and once i was kept in an intake room for a week because staff was afraid of my influence on the group. my point here is that i did everything i could think of not to participate in the injustice that was all around me. eventually though i decided that i had to play along if i ever wanted to get out. i habitually played along 'till 3rd phase and then i would run on my 1st day back to school. i copped-out and was brought back 4 times, so phasers i can easily forgive, we were all in the same trap together. The staff though is a little different. Some of them weren't so bad and some even seemed compassionate at times but there were definately some who were on sadistic ego trips. i am tempted to name names but that would only be a little bit of revenge and not justice. i was groomed for staff myself, but knew all along that once i graduated i would want nothing more to do w/the straight gang rape. So i do think staff has something to apologize for but i'm not holding my breath.
Wether you decide to forgive or not only effects you; why live in meanness, why perpetuate your suffering? Here's some rock-n-roll wisdom for you, i hope it helps: "...so often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key..." -The Eagles (Already Gone)
Anyway the real challenge for me was forgiving my folks, i guess i'm still working on that. Best of luck, freind, i feel ya. -starry-eyed pirate
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If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end. People are not commodities. When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-05-09 15:22 ]
