Author Topic: Impact on my family  (Read 1276 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline cleveland

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 410
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Impact on my family
« on: January 10, 2005, 09:53:00 AM »
Last night, I started to think about the impact of the Seed program on my family. There were many direct consequences of my imvolvement. First of all, my younger brother was 'on the front row' before me. I came home from college and soon joined him, so impressed was I with his dramatic transformation. My younger sister, who was finishing high school, thought we were both crazy although she was willing to believe that we 'needed' the program.

Of course, I never said anything at all to her besides, "I am happy now, happier than I've ever been. And if you want to be happy too, you will do the right thing and get into the Seed. Outside of that, I really don't have anything to say to you. I love you."

Can you imagine? My sister and I had been really close, and here I am, essentially cutting all ties with her unless she gets 'straight.'

Eventually, my brother drifted away from the Seed while I continued to be closely involved. Nothing dramatic. Our contacts were few and far between, as he was living with my mother out of state and still in High School.

My parents, who were divorced, I saw infrequently. In seven years, I saw my father about 5 or 6 times when he would visit Florida - I saw my mother about 3 or 4 times. My grandmother visited Florida twice and I came up to Cleveland to see her in the hospital. That's it. I saw my sister not at all, or really my cousins, and we'd been really close too.

So, essentially, the Seed destroyed my family. We maintained the appearance of being a family but it was merely formalities - a couple of awkward visits with no connection. I would just tell them  how 'great' I was doing, and that was it. No self disclosure, no doubts, no deep conversations. And my 'druggie' sister I shunned completely.

When I finally left the Seed, imagine my surprize at my sister's anger. And my brother's distance. My father said that I had been a 'zombie' when I was at the Seed; my mother still wanted to believe that she had done the right thing.

I had been gone from the age of 19 to 26. It took a long time to recover some feeling of family, to deal with our issues together and heal. But in a lot of ways, it was too late.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
ally Gator

Offline Ft. Lauderdale

  • Posts: 444
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Impact on my family
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2005, 10:26:00 AM »
My family was destroyed before I ever stepped foot in the Seed.
The distance  it did cause between us, was definatly for the best.
They were very self distructive and emtionally abusive towards me.
When I did move back home ( I was still in High School) My sister & I did not get along at the time she was using drugs but my 3 younger brothers I actually did connect with and sort of parented them.  I just kind of ignored my parents and tried to do the best I could.  Now when I was turned 19, I moved out actually moved to Ft Pierce.  I didn't have much to do with my family except for holidays and birthdays.  The more I could be around them without blowing up at their wierdness the more time I spent with them. (my parents that is)  
I am now probably closest with my sister & youngest brother. I really enjoy holidays with my entire family these days believe it or not.  I am a godfather to my sisters kids. (not that I think the church was so crazy about that.)  As time has gone on we have all grown very close.   My father actually went to AA five years after I went to the seed.  Ironically , he was very involved till the day he died.  Infact at his funeral the place was packed.  We were amazed at the other life he lived and how many people were so fond of him.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline GregFL

  • Posts: 2841
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Impact on my family
« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2005, 10:27:00 AM »
here it is in spades. Cleveland, this is what cults do to families. Our particular little cult destroyed many a family, divided them right down seedling/non seedling and supporter/doubter lines.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline GregFL

  • Posts: 2841
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Impact on my family
« Reply #3 on: January 10, 2005, 10:28:00 AM »
Ft Luaderdale, How in the Hell did your younger siblings stay off the program? There must have been extreme pressure for them to join up and drop their druggie attitudes.

Am I wrong?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Jimmy Cusick

  • Posts: 48
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Impact on my family
« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2005, 10:45:00 AM »
There WAS a song about "We love Art". I know because I remember the words.

There was a man by the name of Art, that decided to kive kids a bran new start.

So he opened up a building on Andrews street and him and the druggies started to meet.

Yes, we love him.
Yes, we love him

This was the start of all the kids needs so Art decided to call it the seed.

Thats what I remember. Talk about a CULT
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Ft. Lauderdale

  • Posts: 444
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Impact on my family
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2005, 10:56:00 AM »
I never once heard that one.(the song)

Sometimes I really wonder if we were at the same place.

My younger brothers actually had good attitudes. No one ever pressured me or them to come in.  

One of my brothers actually punched another kid (when he was 12) That told him the seed sucks & so does your brother.  I think because I was nice to my brother and he knew good things were happening with me.  (this was my motorcycle Brother for Greg's benefit)

It could have been the period that I came in.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Jimmy Cusick

  • Posts: 48
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Impact on my family
« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2005, 11:50:00 AM »
I can already hear Gregg and Ginger jumping all over me for saying that the seed helped my family. Ouch!!!
My mom died 4 years ago, before she did we talked about the seed and my Mom told me that she had come down to visit with me and I wouldnt talk to her very much. That hurts. Remember the seed would call our parents assholes and suggested that we minimized our time with them. God, I wish I had another chance to talk to my Mom

My parents fought every day of their marriage for 47 years, they would have been better off divorcing but they were "good catholics" and hung in there until the end. In 1974 when I went to the seed, my father was a newly recovering alcoholic (Today he is sober 32 years)and my mother fought depression. I was the scape goat in the family, all of my parents incompetence focused on ME and my problems. I was a trouble maker and had been since I was a toddling, when drugs came along at age 13 or 14 I jumped on the suburban bandwagon and smoked pot to relieve my mental frustration with my family. My parents saw my drug experimenting as the root of all my problems when in fact it provided me a shelter from a severe depression which was brought on by my family's dysfunction and my inability to interact with potential friends. To this day I have no idea how my parents scraped up the money to send me to the seed. My Mom rented a trailer in Ft. Lauderdale for a few months and I spent very little time with her. Once again the seed saved my ass and I bounced out of my depression, became drug free and I actually resembled a human being. In other words I was accepted by my 3 sisters as a recovered drug user that had sparkling eyes and was part of the family(however dysfunctional it was). The good things that happened in our family was a result of my father being sober and recovering and my new attitude which I recieved from the seed in Florida.

Some things have occurred which I will not discuss that really fragmented my family to the core.

But from July 1st. 1974 until the summer of 79 when I started drinking and using again my family was really cool, really dysfunctional and pretty much together and loving(to whatever degree was possible).

Did the seed hurt families? Not mine. I saw tremendous improvements in the families with whom I was involved. Remember the purpose of the seed was to help the individual not to re-create perfect families.

I want to say more but dont have time.

More later , Jimmy
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline cleveland

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 410
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Impact on my family
« Reply #7 on: January 10, 2005, 01:50:00 PM »
Maybe it's too simple to say, "the Seed destroyed my family" as I did in an earlier post. My family had TONS of problems, and the drinking my parents did was to cover up their own frustration and unhappiness (and for my mother, manic deptression I believe). My brother, sister and I were very close as is the case in a lot of dysfuntional families. When my brother left for the Seed, he came back and I thought by joining the Seed, not only would I be happy but I would save my family too. And it probably was a good thing to give me a 'time out' from my family situation, but 6 months down the road I wish I was given tools to work with my family. Instead, I was told, 'your parents are crazy, maybe you should have as little to do with them as possible' and I bought it. My parents WERE crazy. And as for my sister, I still feel so guilty about shunning her during her really difficult years, from 17 to 24 or so, I had NOTHING to do with her outside of the one conversation where I told her if she didn't 'get straight' I'd have nothing to do with her. She was a first-year college student! Just a kid. I wish I could have a 'do-over' for that one.

Out of the Seed staff I knew, none of them had a good relationship with their parents or siblings: Lybbi, Cookie, Bob W., Ginger, Kenny, Evy, Laura, Cliff - I don't remember any of them saying anything but the minimal about family (unless they had a sibling in the Seed), except to dismiss them. The phrase usually went something like:

"Well, may parents are crazy. But in the other hand, they did the best they could - I was certainly no treat for them. But they do their thing and I do mine - the best thing I can do for them is be straight. And as for my brother and sister, I wish they would get straight too, but at least I'm being a good example. For me, I really choose not to see them too much - they're my 'biological family,' the Seed is my 'Family of Choice.' This is where I belong."

Art never talked about his family either, except to say his mom had raised him and they were poor. That's it. So it was a culture of people who, for the most part, had rejected thier families.

_________________
Wally Gator[ This Message was edited by: cleveland on 2005-01-10 10:52 ]
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
ally Gator

Offline GregFL

  • Posts: 2841
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Impact on my family
« Reply #8 on: January 10, 2005, 02:11:00 PM »
No one is jumping on you for anything Jimmy.

Outside program dogma, we call this a discussion. Think of it as an intellectual disagreement.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline GregFL

  • Posts: 2841
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Impact on my family
« Reply #9 on: January 10, 2005, 02:13:00 PM »
Jimmy wrote:"Remember the seed would call our parents assholes and suggested that we minimized our time with them."

Also, told us not to discuss with them what went on inside the group, that they would never get it or understand.

More of the us and them cultic mentality..
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline GregFL

  • Posts: 2841
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Impact on my family
« Reply #10 on: January 10, 2005, 02:17:00 PM »
Jimmy wrote: "Once again the seed saved my ass and I bounced out of my depression, became drug free and I actually resembled a human being."

You are so damn hard on your pre program self Jimmy. I suggest you spend some time exploring why. You were just a child, a very human child, that had family problems. Hell, so was I. So were most of us. That doesn't mean you were a "sorry ass" or that you weren't resembling a normal human.

Give yourself a break. This just isn't healthy and doesn't foster you viewing your past with any degree of accuracy IMO.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Ft. Lauderdale

  • Posts: 444
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Impact on my family
« Reply #11 on: January 10, 2005, 02:29:00 PM »
Actually - some did tell it probably wasn't a good idea to associate with my sister-  I guess I just did't listen--   I did have an on and off relationship with her for years and years.  but I never completly gave up on her.  Yes I didn't go to her first wedding nor she mine.  I did go to her second and If I do again she'll be there.  I thought my family would magicly turn out like the "Waltons" even though I never liked the Waltons anyway.  I had to work f---in hard to have the relatuionship I have with them.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »