My opinion

[Anonymous]

I am having a hard time with all these threads here. I am a Straight victim and a mother of a 14 year old girl. I do not think that parents understand that when they place a child in a facility that they are making abadonment issues for that child. A doctor told me that when teens go through puberty that they all have a chemical imbalnce in the brain, thats what they call bipolar, manic depressant and I dunno what all other names there are for it. They will grow out of it! It is hard for me to relize that in 4 years, my child will be a legal adult. She has been hard to handle at times and has tried drugs, smoking and I am sure she will try much more. I do not believe that a child under the age of 16 can be considered a drug addict because the personality is just getting done forming at age 16. These teens need the parents to let go and let them make all the screwed up mistakes. When my child came to me and told me that she smoked, I asked her what she thought and she said it's nasty. If parents would back off there teens and just hope that before puberty they raised them correctly then they will return to the parents when they need help. Nobody can be helped until they are ready, no matter the age. I feel bad for the parents that have abusive teens and out of control kids, but taking them somewhere, and I mean just somewhere and leaving them is not the answer. It is obvious that the parent does not know what to do, so shouldnt the parent and the child go to treatment together? I find myself asking, well what did my parents do when I did this? and I think oh ya they sent me away. I believe that you have to make rules for the house to protect yourselves and other children, and in doing this, yes I have been reported to protective services but I will never send my child to a place that thinks it can love and nurture and Straighten out my child when it is my responsibilty as a mother to set boundries and set an example of what a mother should be.

[Anonymous]

I wish we could get parents to quit sending their kids to these places, too, because I think most times the kid doesn't need residential care and most times even if they did, a "program" is not what they need.

However, realistically, if the kid is already there, how you get a parent to wake up and bring the kid home is you give them *reasonable* suggestions about how to check on the welfare of their kid---because you know the programs don't like *anybody* questioning them and react to parents making reasonable checks like a vampire reacts to a cross.

Once the kid's already there, and the parent comes here and starts asking questions, the parent has to find out for themselves.

If we just tell them the places are horrible, and the program people just say we're lying, how does the parent know who to believe?

If instead we give the parents reasonable advice on how to check on the welfare of their kid themselves, knowing full well how the program is likely to react and what the parents are likely to find, then the parents can see for themselves and and have the evidence of their own eyes and their own interactions with the program staff.

Once the kid is already there, the only way the parent is going to bring the kid home is if the parents see for themselves how, well, bizarre and hostile and defensive the program people typically get when questioned.

Sometimes people just need to see for themselves, and all you can do for them is encourage them to take a good, hard look.

Timoclea

[Anonymous]

If the child is allready there than I believe it is to late. The child has allready been abandoned. A mothers instict will tell her not to put her child there in the first place. I dont know how to prove to people that they are bad places. If your child goes to the hospital, you are allowed to stay with them right? Well, the same goes for these treatmeant places. You should be allowed to stay with your child through the entire process so the child can learn to share emotions and feelings with you! Do you teach your child to go to a stranger and tell them your deepest darkest secrets? When you send them to treatment, you are trusting people that you do not know anything about to treat your child. I wish I could go grab every child out of these places. I was not allowed to use the phone to call my mom, police or anyone. When my child stays the night with a friend. I have to meet the parents first and thats only for 1 night. When I start really trusting the parents then I allow more time spent there. I just think it is sick that you can trust your childs life with strangers. I can not type anymore, its toooo emotional for me. Guess some issues in my life have not yet been dealt with.

[Anonymous]

(((((Anon))))

Timoclea