Author Topic: I'm at the seed im getting straight , 10 till 10 I'm feeling  (Read 3189 times)

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Offline Jimmy Cusick

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I'm at the seed im getting straight , 10 till 10 I'm feeling
« on: December 11, 2004, 12:59:00 PM »
Hi fellow seedlings,
     
     Remember that song. Wow , what memories. We sang about Love and Peace and Jingle bell's until our throats were sore. I am writing to convey my transformation to any seedling that cares to know. I've been reading this forum for about 6 months when I came on board I wrote from anger and rage towards the seed and the staff and Art Barker. I put down particular staff members and blamed the seed for my downfall in life. I considered the brainwashing that we all experienced extremely negative with long lasting affects. I blamed my parents for sending me to the Florida seed in the first place.

     After 6 months of thinking and feeling about the seed and my experience there I have a warm heart when I consider what realistically took place 30 years ago. I remember sitting on the front row hating everything and everybody for no particular reason but I must have been comical until Robert Chun(black staff member) cut my hair off.

     It is important that I have remembered my mental state of mind prior to coming to the seed. I was a sophmore in High School, I wasnt a jock, I wasnt a nurd, I tried to be a freak but I wasnt popular and didnt really fit in with them either. I was a loner. My father was an alcoholic and the family lived in perpetual chaos. I became extremely depressed and ran away from home during which time I was molested by an adult. Upon returning home my parents put me in a psychiatric ward suspecting a drug problem. They contacted a catholic charities in Cleveland and discovered other parents whose kids were sent to the Seed and off I went. In truth I had only experimented with drugs because I felt so unwanted and unlikeable I enjoyed killing the emotional pain.

     Back at the Florida Seed in the summer of 1974 I was taught about Love and Honesty. The sign on the wall that said "Your not alone anymore" meant alot to me. I was now a small part of a large group that was pretty cool. I remember thinking that Libby was just about the coolest person that ever lived. I followed directions and pursued some rather lofty ideals, some of the standards we discussed bordered on perfectionism. Over a period of months my attitude did a 180 and suddenly I was getting A's and B's in school where I had been getting D's and F's.   The seed rap leaders called our parents assholes but I learned to treat my parents with respect. I sought honesty both internal and external as we discussed that topic soooooooo many times in rap sessions. I started to like myself because I looked inside and discovered God's creation on the verge of blossoming. In the summer of 75 I lived with the Lee family, Jim and Bert and Walter, we spent countless hours on the ocean or innercoastal fishing and snorkeling and water skiing. Those were the best days of my life.

     I forgive the seed for what it did or might have unknowingly did to me. The "mind control" the "brainwashing", the hard chairs for hours and hours, the peanut butter and jelly and bologna sandwiches, the watered down kool-aid, and the fact that I never became part of the "inner circle". These were all components of a bigger picture that were neccessary and in fact required to change the "attitude" of a 16 year old lost kid in 1974

     The seed succeeded in pulling me "out of my head" as we all used to say. A spiritual transformation took place, a metamorphosis if you will. I changed internally as my behavior expanded my outlook on the purpose of life. I lived a very positive, Upbeat, honest life for almost 5 years and then I gave into the alcohol and drugs and have stayed there for 25 years. I very recently went through a rehabilitation center and I am going back in time to remember how I was able to make that incredible "change" that occured at the seed. Time will tell.

     The whole point of my blabbering is to let everyone know that the seed has a very special place in my heart. If those reading this are still full of anger from their experiences, please remember that we live in an unperfect world and the seed did the best they could with what they had.

                           Peace and Love
                            Jimmy
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline GregFL

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I'm at the seed im getting straight , 10 till 10 I'm feeling
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2004, 06:26:00 PM »
ahh Jimmy, you weren't even on drugs.

What the hell were you doing in the seed for shits sake?  From a disfunctional family to a mental hospital then to the seed?

Now we understand you have had a coke problem and alcohol proglem post seed?

Just because a group is nice to you doesn't mean it was effective at its intended purpose, drug rehabilitation.

You could go now down to the moonies or the hari krisnas and get the same open arm welcome.

Is that really what you think you need, a group of people to automatically like you,think for you, cut your hair and make you sing songs?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Jimmy Cusick

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I'm at the seed im getting straight , 10 till 10 I'm feeling
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2004, 07:38:00 PM »
Take your best shot Greg.  I recommend that you allow your fellow seedlings to post as we see fit. Unless of course this is only an anger/rage forum. As a seed graduate (14 months, 17 days) and 3 years in the marines I have decided to lay down my sword of hatred. The seed has a special place in my heart. I was a very typical seedling so many kids had very similiar experiences and survived to tell their stories.

     Remember the half a glass of water, it can be half-empty or it can be half full. Our 30 year old memories are mystical in nature, they provide us with snap-shots of our choosing. Today I choose the positive to survive and live another day
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline GregFL

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« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2004, 09:21:00 PM »
Dude post away. That was not a shot but an observation.

I just am commenting on your newfound lovefest for your time in captivity. It  seems a bit odd to me in light of the fact that you went in with no drug problem and emerged with a big one, that your fond memory was nothing theraputic but instead the memory of the cultic aspects..the "save the world" mentality, the instant friends, etc.

  I encourage you to keep posting exactly what you think, and I will do the same.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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I'm at the seed im getting straight , 10 till 10 I'm feeling
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2004, 12:00:00 AM »
Quote
On 2004-12-11 16:38:00, Jimmy Cusick wrote:

"     Take your best shot Greg.  I recommend that you allow your fellow seedlings to post as we see fit. Unless of course this is only an anger/rage forum. As a seed graduate (14 months, 17 days) and 3 years in the marines I have decided to lay down my sword of hatred. The seed has a special place in my heart. I was a very typical seedling so many kids had very similiar experiences and survived to tell their stories.



     Remember the half a glass of water, it can be half-empty or it can be half full. Our 30 year old memories are mystical in nature, they provide us with snap-shots of our choosing. Today I choose the positive to survive and live another day"

  GOOD FOR YOU Jimmy.  Nice to have peace in your life, I'm sure.  

   It sometimes seems as though they want to "brainwash" everyone who comes on this forum who DOESN'T believe they were tortured, abused and ruined for life from these programs.
   I look back on my program experience with FOND memories as well.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2004, 12:03:00 AM »
Quote
On 2004-12-11 21:00:00, Anonymous wrote:

 I look back on my program experience with FOND memories as well."


I'm sorry, but that's just frightening. :scared:  :scared:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2004, 02:01:00 AM »
brainwashing? ON this site?

Thats pretty funny there anon. This site is for all opinions, even the ones you don't like.

Most of us 10 to 10 were terrified, not enjoying the "love".
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Offline Ft. Lauderdale

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I'm at the seed im getting straight , 10 till 10 I'm feeling
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2004, 08:38:00 AM »
Jimmy- I,m glad to see you are finding balance and happiness.  If you apply the tools they work.
I think everyone on this planet has issues with something - hey you can't be all things to all people. Go with what feels right and build on it.  I commend you on your hard work. Good Luck.
I too have fond memories that I will always cherish. Who gives a f--k who likes it or not.

I think everyone on this site has good intentions (now look who's the Pollyanna that was for Clevelands benefit) I'm even starting to like Greg - go figure.

Greg by the way I was at my brothers last night I could not find you in the  yearbook is your name really Greg (there was one guy with a clown face
but naw) Are you sure you were a Senior?  I took the year book home with me.  I also was wrong my youngest brother was football & Tennis the class of 1976 brother was on the wrestling team.  
If you have the yearbook give me page numbers.
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Offline GregFL

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« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2004, 10:19:00 AM »
He LIKES me, he REALLY REALLY LIKES ME!


(best Sally field at the oscars impression).

 :grin:
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Offline GregFL

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« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2004, 10:25:00 AM »
"the charmer" page 92, forth pic from the left at the top. 1977 was da year my friend.

My name really is greg, but it is listed wrong in the yearbook.

Your brother was one year behind me, and I have looked at his pic and don't really remember him.


You sure your bro wasn't in the seed? The pic looks like he just got back from the seed barber! Poor guy. I also have that awful 70s hair.

hehe, my 10th grade pic, another school, has the exact same haircut as your bro.
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Offline GregFL

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« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2004, 10:30:00 AM »
by the way Jimmy, there is one thing I VERY STRONGLY agree with you on, to let go of hatred and bitterness. It just serves no purpose whatsoever. For that I commend you, but watch that pendulum my friend, don't allow the release of your anger to rose color your experience. Try to ground your memories in reality, not in wishfull thinking.

Good luck my friend!
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Offline Ft. Lauderdale

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« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2004, 01:35:00 PM »
Greg-you know me enough by now that I would hate to correct you BUT- if you graduated in 1977 that would mean my brother was a year ahead of you not behind you.  Perspective is really the key to everything.  Oh well I do not have access to a 77 yearbook I'll just have to keep picturing as the clown face(hehe).
Were you at Boyd Anderson in 76?
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Offline Ft. Lauderdale

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« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2004, 01:46:00 PM »
I do not know what the 75 pic looks lick of my bro, but in 76 he has a major fro. Wait a min. are we talkin bro-Tom or bro Mike? Mike had straight platinum hair, Tom dirty blond afro both were not on the program. Mike 78 (Don't tell me I may need to apologize Again if this is the case) Oh well, what can I say  Sally? hehe (oscar winner for most charming)  ::trophy::  :silly:

(I must admit I never thought I would actually have fun w/ Greg.  It just goes to show ya     -ya never know.
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Offline GregFL

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« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2004, 07:07:00 PM »
I attended Boyd in 76, got there from Pinellas county mid year but I wasn't in the annual.  77 I am there as a senior and your brother with straight hair is a junior same year.

Boyd was a tough school.  No doubt as I'm sure your brother has told you.  I hung around a small band of guys that had motorcycles...John snyder, Jeff , a couple other. I had a yamaha rd350 totally tricked out. It was a 750 slayer and we used to drag race em out behind Boyd on a long straight road.
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Offline Ft. Lauderdale

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« Reply #14 on: December 13, 2004, 08:32:00 AM »
Greg- I spoke to my class of 78 brother.  He also had a dirt bike and a RD350.  (whatever that is) He is now a gradfather has 8 kids & 2 grandkids and 2 more on the way.(young grandfather) Both his son in laws are asst pastors in Texas somewhere. My brother is a Baptist minister and lives in central FL. We were raised catholic - and I was never alowed to be on motercycles - go figure. Oh yeah & I haven't been to church in about a million years. Anyway he does remember someone with long blond hair that rode really well & could pop wheelies for about 50 yards in front of the school.  ::noway::  He thought the bike might have been purple.  Greg was this coool guy you?
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