i remember rudy, i hated him and jill worst of all. i just wanted to avoid them at all times.
rudy knew i was smarter than him and he left me alone because i kept my head down and did what i was told.
i was smarter than rudy was, but i find after 15 years that my being smart made it worse for me, cause i really beleived a lot of that shit they told me about myself and about people.
its been hard trying to learn to love myself. my impulse towards rudy is murderous and i am like the nicest person you're ever going to meet. i had no idea he was physically abusive but i beleive it. i knew he got off on reading my phone sex to everyone in my first rap. i knew he wanted to fuck me and that it made him crazy. i stayed the fuck away from him.
and jill, jill was a crazy as bitch, dude, she was a witch, she had a mean spirit and a cruel heart, and it lived ever in the mirror. talk about narcissism!!
No one could ever tell them they had low self esteem, boy....
i went to cedu in 1990 and 91, do you guys remember me? my name is alia weiner. i was a "slut"
and then i was celibate for 6 years, and then i married a man twice my age who had sexual disfunction for 4 years and now i am trying to learn to be intimate. fucking fuckers. fucking god damn motherfucking fuckers.