I was sent to the seed in Ft. Pierce Florida in January 1974, Three months after my sixteenth birthday. Many memories of the experience have faded, but I still remember most of the names of the kids and I can still see their faces as if they were standing in front of me now, or across the aisle or in the rows as it were. I remember the tears as they were being ?come down on? by the group as I remember my own. I refer to it as the day they broke me. That was the day I ?started working for myself?
I found this site a week or so ago. When I read the reason that the seed was closed down was the findings of a Senate Judiciary Committee Report that compared the methods used in the Seed to the Brainwashing used by the North Koreans I was stunned. Further that the CIA was experimenting with mind control techniques in Lexington. I remember Seed staff members mentioning Lexington.
The Seed in Ft. Pierce was different than the St. Pete or the Ft. Lauderdale seed. There were never hundreds of kids. It was an upstart venture and I think just as it began to get rolling it closed. In fact I think I was put on ?three nights? as a result of the closing. I ended up driving the 125 miles to Ft. Lauderdale for ?three nights? til I graduated. I never really felt like I was ready to graduate it felt like a social promotion to me. After graduation I went to a few oldtimer parties, on several occasions for weekends. Many of the graduates became born agin Christians. I tried it but it wasn?t for me.
I see some stories that people have posted saying they didn?t go home for over a month. I remember specifically, I went home in 42 days and back to school in 63.
I am not an outspoken person and to have to stand up in front of all of those people and shout I?M COMING HOME? was so unnatural. I remember the open meetings when you had to stand up and give your speech. It went sort of like this...
Hi my name is (fill in the blank) the drugs I did were alcohol, pot, hash, hash oil, etc
(I always felt inadequate because I never did enough drugs but I embellished a bit anyway. Some people just did everything from pot to heroin... I really looked up to them)
ok continuing...
I know for myself when I was on the streets my friends used me and I used them. I just wanted to be accepted by them. I felt like I was alone and nobody felt like me. Since I?ve been at the seed I?m learning to respect myself and others.
Thankfully the Rap leader would sense when you ran out of steam (reached the limits of your programing) and would thank you and call on the next kid.
You see, giving speeches in front of a group was ?overcoming your insecurities?. Did the parents ever wonder about the fact that the kids were all saying exactly the same things, one after the other? Well their faces had softened and their eyes were clear and their hair was short so this must be what it takes.
After going back to school I was forced into all kinds of unnatural acts. Imagine a 16 year old boy having to kiss his mother good bye in front of peers as she was dropping him off. Then stepping out into the school halls and having to tell my old (druggie) friends (all of the kids I grew up with) ?I don?t want to talk to you, I?m straight, if you want to be my friend go to the Seed? that is the exact words we were instructed to say if a druggie tried to talk to us.
One day after school the girl that would have been my first serious girlfriend (had I not been extracted from normal social development) asked for a ride home (she lived at the end of my street) This was a extremely awkward situation but we gave her a ride and she sat in the back seat. A couple of months later while I was working on my car on the side of my parent?s house she walked up to me and started talking to me. I remember she told me ?I love you? I was very uncomfortable with an old druggie friend being there in the first place. Rejecting anything that was not the seed I told her ?You don?t know the meaning of the word?
This was such a cruel thing to do. I think I may have rationalized it that she was put up to it by my old druggie friends to get to me.
Several years later I read about a study that said the mid to late teen years were the most important for social development. I have resented to this day that I was extracted from normal development and led on that bizarre path.
I believe that the way these type programs succeed in popularity is in convincing parents that it?s not their fault and all the blame is on the kids. After reading the info on this site I was going to email my parents but then I decided to call. My father was there alone and I told him about this and he told me he had reservations back then about the program and he wished my mother was there to hear what I had to say. After a bit my mother returned home and got on the phone and got very defensive. In spite of the fact that I told her I saw a copy of the grant form for the seed she insisted that Art Barker had assured her that he didn?t want to take any funding from the federal government. I said, well, he lied.
I felt that was what it would be like to carry on that same conversation with Betty Sembler. The only difference is that Betty Sembler is the Republican (behind the scenes) drug czarina involved in shaping policy. Learning about the Semblers role in drug policy going way back to the Reagan administration is shocking but it all sort of fills in the pieces of the puzzle.
Drugs are not the cause of the ?drug problem? the ?drug problem? is a symptom of something deeper in our culture and our society. Hell it?s almost 30 years since I was in the Seed and nothing?s changed. It would be great if we all could live beautiful natural wonderful lives free of drugs and alcohol but the drug war is not the answer.
We have to help America wake the F... up!
