That's sort of interesting, my last post and your previous (second last) post were both at 20:26. Hope it's a sign that we have common ground and we are just expressing it in different ways.
The whole coercion issue is really difficult for me because I am a libertarian by nature. If, God forbide, my son was using drugs now or otherwise acting against himself, I think that I would not call in the law on him, because, painful as it might be to watch him destroy himself (and I'd try my best to influence him) he is now an adult, he has his own destiny.
I just think it's different with a minor. And sometimes terrible things do happen if you do not intervene.
When we sent my son away to RMA, the parents of one of his druggie best-friends really looked down on us for doing it, we heard about their comments on our decision. They said things like that boys will be boys, they would outgrow it, we were controlling, we were overreacting.
Then, some time later, after things were improving for my son, that druggie friend was out cruising around at 3 in the morning, still into the same crowd and behaviors, and he went across a highway median. His car was destroyed and he was dead at the scene.
I'm not blaming these parents--they had what was statistically a reasonable hope that things would work out without what they saw as our kind of extreme intervention. And there is everyday the chance, no matter how lucky or how good you are as a parent, that tragedy will strike: a random shooting, an accident, an illness.
So I pass no judgment, but how could I live with myself as a parent, if I didn't do everything I was capable of, to keep my underage child from risking his life? If we had not intervened and that had happened to us?
What I do know is that there is a good chance that if my son had been here, and I hadn't sent him to boarding school, he would have been in the car that was destroyed that night, since these guys used to hang out together all the time.
As parents, we have to do what we feel is best, after reflection, in the least extreme way possible. And with the full knowledge that there are no certainties and sometimes not even much support for our difficult decisions. I guess that's why parenting takes courage, which love can summon up in any of us.
I agree with you that no one should be forced to deny his/her own truths. It sounds as if the group/team leaders that you had were pretty insensitive and clumsy. We were fortunate, I guess, it goes back to my idea that you have to hire the best, in terms of insight and kindness, and for that you have to pay a decent wage. I don't know but maybe that wasn't being uniformly done throughout the CEDU system.