Marnie, Jennie & Kenny Sykes

[Anonymous]

SINCE I HAVE FOUND THIS WEBSITE i HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE - I AM STILL TAKING IT ALL IN - EVEN THOUGH I WAS A STAFF MEMBER - I WAS BRAINWASHED AND A VICTIM

I am still trying to deal with the past even today

[GregFL]

On 2002-07-26 15:05:00, Anonymous wrote:
SINCE I HAVE FOUND THIS WEBSITE i HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE - I AM STILL TAKING IT ALL IN - EVEN THOUGH I WAS A STAFF MEMBER - I WAS BRAINWASHED AND A VICTIM



I am still trying to deal with the past even today

Marnie, of course that is true. In some ways, you are more of a victim than most, being thrown into "treatment" at only 11 and then spending your entire teenage years in the program. It is shamefull what happened to you, you never deserved it.

You are now among real friends, the only people whom can possibly understand what you went thru. Let any guilt or bad feeling go, none of it is your fault.
We all share a painfull past and a screwed teenage life, both before and after the program. One thing most of us share is we are from a disfunctional families and neglectfull and/or abusive parents. While this isn't true of everyone, it is true of most of us.
There comes a time to look at your childhood, see it for what it was and let the pain go. Then it becomes almost like a story from a book and you can move on. I wish that for all that were harmed by the program.
I know for myself that I carried great shame about being there, about giving in, about not running, about even graduating and being a part of it. I also carried anger towards my family for placing me there, for leaving me, for not understanding why I hated it, for rejecting me when I tried to grow away from the program. I had sorrow for losing a normal childhood.
I have now forgiven myself and understand the intense pressure I was under.
Marnie, yes you were brainwashed. Yes you were a victim. Let it go, no one blames you today for anything that happened to them. If they do, they are still mentally stuck back there and mistaken and I will set them right.

[Tampa survivor]

Marnie,
I cannot even begin to fathom the depths of your confusion about all of this.  I read ALL of your posts, and learned how at 11 you were sucked in and the hold was upon you for many years. We all lost so much.  The years 13-16 were stolen from me.  You had your entire teen life warped. I found this site about the same day you did. If you are anything like me, the rush of emotions, incidents long forgotten, faces without names is crushing you.  I felt the pain in your last post.  The regret.  Greg is right, we were all brainwashed.  On my higher phases I ratted, confronted, and righteously took misbehavers home to my house.  You led raps for us.  Had I not split and generally been up and down for 2 years, I could have been right there with you. When I began the program, I looked up to you and the other staffers.   I came close to stepping once, then blew it.
  I blame the bastard adults who "ran" the program for placing under-educated kid/victims in charge of the rest of us.
Now today Marnie, you and I have found a new group, as Greg indicated. He has had many years to soak it up.  I spent last night reading archives here about these girls up north where Satan Newton went next.  I cried, and I am not normally a teary guy. These posts are mind bending to me... and to any body else who has recently stumbled across them.
Let me know if I can do anything for you Marnie.  I am dazed and confused but feeling rather alone about all this now. My kids(custodial dad x 3) think I have an internet girlfriend, my mom wants to act like it never happened, and I think I know how you do feel with the past rushing forth.  
Good Luck to us all.
Bill

[GregFL]

Hey Bill, how old are your kids? My experience in the Seed was my big secret, but about 2 years ago, I outed myself to my close friends and then my kids, and you know what? they understand! They even see in grandpa the horror I must have had to endure, yet they still love them. The capacity to heal begins at home.
My daughter is twelve and she almost came with me to my last protest, but at the last minute went somewhere with her mom.
I am a single dad of two, ages 19 and 12. What I have told my kids has been valuable to them as well as me.
Think about it.

[Tampa survivor]

I have had custody of my kids since I divorced 4 years ago.  My girl is 5, my boys 9 and 13.  I know what you mean...I never 7 stepped, I just drifted away.  My shame. My X-wife heard a touch, and as a nurse she was appalled, but I generally NEVER talked about it.  My son is struggling in a grand way, but I am trying to handle it differently than my folks did.  It sucks.  The allure of the "program" to parents is understandable.  I mentioned to him a little about the fact that I was sent away yesterday and today.  He knows something has rattled dad badly.

[Tampa survivor]

To ANON re: Mark Short.
Yes, there was a short Short with Mark as a first name.  He was lean muscular and fits you ATL peoples description, and I have little doubt that we are knowing the same guy.
Bill

[bilabong69]

Didn't Bobby have a sister named Kathy in Sarasota. I remember Bobby being a very skinny cat who could wriggle and escape from anywhere and anyone:) GOOD FOR HIM!!!!!!!!!!
Mark Chitwood Sarasota 81-83

[Tampa survivor]

WOW...
...seeing this post again...WHOA
I had just recently found the board then.
Well, thanks for bringing it up.  Bobby was slicker than a cat.  We were shipped to Atlanta together for fun and games with mint juleps and soft southern hatred to further warp our little rebelious asses.
PPFF**CCKK that. Neither one of us seven stepped.

I heard bobby lost his mind. I hope its not true.
We went through hell together, and I almost lost mine from 20-30.
 Beyond that, I know nothing.
Kathy is a vanish in the wind case too.
See ya round Mark.  Welcome to the fray.  Avoid the politico relig arguements, and reading the old posts was catharetic for me.

Bill Hadley
St Pete and Atlanta
12-80/12-82
PS  e me @ whadley002@earthlink.net if you want.  
  I think I may know you.  If you are who I think you are, I am gonna trip out.  Cool

[bilabong69]

Hey Bill, thanks for hollaring back at me:) yea I just found this forum yesterday, hehe, seeing it was my 22 annivers. I went into Straight Sarasota May 5th 1981, remember it clearly. My mom brought me down from cincinnati to go into the program cause I was such a ahole punk (I really was).I had a pack of smokes in my pocket with 2-3 fat ones rolled up, thinking later that night I was going to the beach and burn them. Little did I know what excatly was in store for me.My memory is very fogged from that period of time, I apologize if for not remembering you. I can only remember a handful of names-BUT after reading this board several more came into my mind, like Bobby and Kathy.
My brother came into the program several months later, Mike Chitwood, and he whizzed through the program, my brother new how to play them like the fools they were, he was in and 7th stepped like in 7-9 months. But he told me stories of 5th phase when he was supposed to be at work he was out reading playboys and hanging on the beach, hehe.
I was in the program for almost 2 full years, It took me awhile to understand their system and conform, ughhh. After 7th stepping I thought it was ludacris to not be able to date and started my rebelious attitude then. I started hanging with the folks in my high school that thought I was nuts in the program and they became my friends. I started doing the things a normal 16-17 year old would do, going to Riverview High footbball games, dating the lovely ladies, drinking a few beers at parties and just being an adolescent. Well the 7th steppers got word of my actions and it got ugly, they called me in and I got confronted, told them I was basically through with them and was ready to be on my own. Dr.Burns came into the office and told me that If I left I would have to leave my car keys with him because my grandmother gave me the car and if I wasnt in the program I wasnt driving. So I gave him my car keys and got my insulin and syringes from him and walked out the door and started to hitchhike down Cattelman road. I went to Carl Greenwalds(I think thats his name)he had a sister named Holly, house and hung for a few days. After that things get blurry. Bits and pieces I remember. I wound up going into the Florida Prison system for a two year stint. After getting out of prison the first time Sammantha Monroe got in touch with me and we became friends, sad thing was I became a stupid drunkard and drank like a fish and she basically didnt want anything to do with me after that. Life started going even further down, I was shooting up, living on the beaches, commiting burglaries, and just basically being a F*** Up. I wound up going back into the Florida Prison system for a 9 year sentence, I did 3 of the nine years, should have only done 1 1/2 but since I encited riots, sold pot, and basically was very rebellious I had to do a little over 3 years, thats the only way to stay alive in there. After getting out for the second time,(Mind you my family has stuck by me through all this)I went and stayed with my brother for a few weeks over on Beneva road. Then I went to live with my mom in NY, I said if I can make it in NY I can make it anywhere. I came here in 89, met my wife, got married in 91, had my first child (girl) now 7 and a 5 year old boy-Jake and Jessica. I have been working in the IT field for the past 8-10 years and have recently been working for IBM on a project for Qwest communications doing project management. Well I didnt mean to ramble on and on and on, it all just started flowing. If you have any questions, please feel free to shoot me an email at chitwoodm@aol.com.

Smoke em if ya got em
 :smokin:
TTYL
Mark

[ehm]

Me too. Thought I'd say hi.
Morli :wink:

[bilabong69]

Hey now, Hello there too. :smokin:

[Anonymous]

are you serious?  I was there in 1990, i saw PLENTY.  I saw a kid get his arm broken, another his nose, many black eyes, half the girls side in restraints at one point, i got someone else's blood splattered on me from a chair fight, i was denied bathroom breaks, abuse at the host home... went three weeks with strep and NEVER saw a DR, no one ever did... maybe it was worse in the 80's, but it was not pretty in 1990 Clay.


thea

[wayeast]

This string is probably cold now, but Mark (Short?) did my intake too.  Along with a guy named (Darrin?) and Mike Bush. Since then, I've wondered if Mike was one of THE Bush clan, but it seems unlikely.  He was too human.

Then Tim Mantooth came and did my strip search. What a day. The only thing I'm glad about from that day was that I told Dennis Buttimer to F**k off. And that I think I made Tim uncomfortable because I mentioned a common friend.

I remember when Mark came back into group, and I remember them giving him hell for going back to his "druggie girlfriend(s)."  The girls seemed to tease him quite a bit about that. I remember wondering why everybody gave him a hard time about that.  It wasn't like everybody wouldn't have done the same thing.

Anybody remember a "Darrin" from the ATL group?

Charlie

[ClayL]

Thea:

Never mind

Clay[ This Message was edited by: ClayL on 2005-03-26 13:28 ]

[RTP2003]

I felt really bad for Ken Sykes, the way he was treated and abused.  Miller should die.