One of the beatings

[GregFL]

that day is etched in my memory, but I never knew her name because of the whole guy/chick deal when we weren't even allowed to look at the girls or face certain stand up come down sessions.
I remember she clearly had a black eye. The seed used to bring parents in to do the child abuse for them, which was far worse then being beat by a stranger, IMO.  I also remember another guy that happened to, then his dad pulled him out and it made NATIONAL news. Still no one came to save us. I remember sitting in the group and actually hearing people getting hit out of sight range, and them making us sing to drown out the sound.
I still have the article about the guy and in fact passed out copies at the st pete conference.

[METALGOD8]

[METALGOD8]

Attempted Murder: In the SS Springfield camp, we were in group one morning when an oldcomer 4th phaser  came in with Senior Staff and was paraded in the front. His neck had a dark red circle around it, and his eyes were totally red from being strangled by his newcomer. The staff then brought in the newcomer responsible, then all hell broke loose in the chairs. That newcomer was blasted for at least an hour, then to my amazement, the oldcomer agreed to let him stay on front row, and not go to jail. Excuse me, but why do I disagree with that? If some guy tried to kill me like that, I would have to call the cops! He didn't have a drug problem, he was a friggin looney tune!

[MommaDebi]

WOW.



 There are so many things that I have blacked out about the experiences I had there.



I think I remember some of that.Beatings always occured within my home...so i guess i never realised how wrong they were.


Your are right FREEDOM, where were the people that were supposed to protect us? Who decided that we were so bad? I don't recall any adult talking to me upon my entry there except for "betty".


I still am unable to fully trust people that are supposed to be "helping" me and I am 43 now. This all happened to me when I was 14-15.



I remember the very day I stopped going to "Old Timers Raps", I had gone to the Elk's pool with an exseedling Mark Sibilia, he was in PAR and sober, we ran into some Seedlings and they would not "talk to me"!! I was stunned and hurt to think these people who said they "Loved Me" would not trust me to have good judgement with regards to my friends.


I raised my hand at the rap that night wanting to talk about how hurt I was but was told, within 2 sentences, that "if I had nothing to contribute to the rap I needed to sit down". The topic that night at the grad's rap was "how to get people into the Seed".....
I never went back



I started using again shortly thereafter, my choice, because I had bought into all the crap and had felt that I had a place of safety within the group, because there was absolutely none at home.I so desperately needed a place of safety.


I left home within a year, following a particularily brutal beating from my father.



_________________
"...every five years I look back on my life and have a good laugh..." (Watershed by Indigo Girls)

[ This Message was edited by: MommaDebi on 2002-07-18 14:02 ]

[FueLaw]

That is part of the entire farce of "The Seed".  There wasn't much rehabilitation going on , just a whole lot of intimidation. I was scared of getting my ass kicked, I was scared of getting started over or put on a refresher, when I went to school I was scared that a fellow seedling would see me talking to the wrong person and tell someone ect...



The reason the whole concept of the seed, and those programs which followed, is so bogus is that they tore down a persons value system as well as thier personal support system(their friends) and replaced it with nothing. When you got out of the freakin place what did you have ? No real friends , nobody you could trust, and a whole bunch of confusion about life and the world in general. The whole concept and they way they tried to sell the place was a farce.



In addition the crap that they pulled on kids who where under 18 was so illegal and unconsitutional it's off the chart.Locking people up against there will when there are no pending criminal charges against them is clearly illegal. Even your parents can't legally do this. I will have more to say about the legal aspect of all of this in a few days.





[ This Message was edited by: FueLaw on 2002-07-18 15:34 ]

[Somejoker]

Right, right, right.

[MommaDebi]

FREEDOM:"I have no need to re-hash the past as i was accused of this week, but I do have a desire to hear others who share my experience so I can gain understanding and heal."

My perception of this board is the same.
 I am not on some type of pity trip.
 I do think it is valid to attempt to understand that our feelings of isolation, fear, shame, guilt, and anger are real and a consequence of our experiences at "The Seed" indeed.

I, like many I realise now, had only smoked pot prior to entering the program. Of course I was called a "liar" and learned by other's examples to make my list much longer in order to be considered "honest". Of course when I did resume drugs...I did make the list real. LOL.
 I am now sober almost 21 years.I submit that the person I am now is the sum of the experiences I have had in my life. Good and Bad, along with the way I choose to respond to them.I do happen to like myself now. It took a very long time to deprogram myself from the emotional abuse I suffered at the hands of my father. At least I honestly know who I am now.

While as a parent, I understand the feelings of fear our parents must have had...their choice was more harmful, I think, than the consequences our behavior might have been. It is nice to know that I am not alone in feeling that I was betrayed in my youth by those that were supposed to be helping and protecting me.

I am sorry to rant on, but I thought this was a place of acceptance, not judgement of each other, did we not do too much of this destructive behavior in group?
 I thank all of you for being here and listening. I am very glad I found this site. It has helped me to be more open about my experience with my son and my husband. Perhaps they understand a bit more about my more extreme views of my life.

[Froderik]

I remember being in the program after turning 18 and deciding I had been on whatever phase long enough, pretty sure it was 5th, and "withdrawing myself". My parents came down from Baltimore & I was taken into a room w/ them and some staff who I can't remember. My dad asked me if I "was going to choose (druggie friend) over him" and not knowing how to better respond to that one I simply answered "yes". He all of the sudden gets up and begins to try to strangle me in his rage. I can't remember how quick staff was to stop him, but someone did. My sister was there (she told me recently) and she said that I got up and walked out of the building and just started walking away. She said that she was worried about me being on my own in VA and talked to me for 3 hours, finally convincing me to stay there. So obviously my parents weren't about to take me with them. I had nowhere to go. Maybe this happened after I copped out from 5th phase and was back on 1st. (I don't know, I'm still digging...)

end of memory - Alex

[ This Message was edited by: AlexL on 2002-11-12 08:17 ]