questioning what happened?

[mom2three]

I am curious regarding those of you who went through programs that were "not like the others" and how many of you question your own perceptions as to what happened?

I ask because I want to understand the psychological aspects of what happens to someones mind when they are in these kinds of situations in some of the programs that say they are "not like the others".

The obviously abusive programs have obvious outcomes, but what about the ones that use seudo psychology only? How many of the kids who post in defence of the programs are only doing so because they have been made to believe they were so bad no one wanted them and thank God these people took them in and straightened them out? What happens to them down the road?

I had some experience with people who are currently operating one of these places. I am concerned because of what I went through, but not exactly certain what it is I went through. I know this makes no sense, I am having a difficult time finding my words regarding them and still questioning my own role in what occured.

[Antigen]

Greetings Mom2three,
 Two things come to mind that might address what you're talking about. First, here are some accademic descriptions of what cult mind control is and how it works.

http://www.ex-cult.org/

  Much of that material seems to resonate w/ a lot of people who've been through various programs; some overtly or physically abusive, some not so much.

  The other is just an anectdote from my personal life. About two years or so after I got out of the Program, I found myself a single mother in need of, well everything; a job, a place to live, emotional support, etc. I'd been staying w/ my dad and his girlfriend, but things were just not working out there and I had to move on while we could still part on good terms.

  So I foolishly fell for an ad in the paper offering room and board in exchange for light housekeeping. I wound up, a year later, totally under the control of a much older man and at a loss to understand how it happened.

  So I left, hit Dad up for some help, found an old friend from school (pre-program days) and rented an apartment and, for the most part, lived happily ever after. Here's the odd part, though. For somewhere around a year or two after parting ways w/ the older man, I was scared to death of him! The guy hadn't been physically abusive or even agressive, at least not on more than about one occasion. It was all mind games. But I kept thinking I saw him in public or that he was in the car 2 or 3 behind me in traffic. And, for reasons I couldn't explain, the idea of running into the guy by chance utterly terrified me.

  Reading up on battered wife syndrome in later years, I found that the scenereo is often called 'a cult of one'. I think the thing that scared me so much is that, even though I've always been a very independent, strong willed individual, somehow this guy had me dancing to his tune and I had no idea how he'd managed to do that. It's a frightening thing to realize that someone else has effective control of your mind. It took me some time to get over it.

Does any of this at least provide a starting place for discussion?

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make  some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
-- Dave Barry

_________________
Ginger Warbis ~ Antigen
Seed sibling `71 - `80
Straight South (Sarasota, FL)
   10/80 - 10/82
Anonymity Anonymous
Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

[mom2three]

I guess what is troubling me is that I am upset that these people are running a program because of what I consider questionabe ways of dealing with impressionable people but I am reluctant because of what it might do to their business should it have just been me with the problem. IF they are indeed helping people, who the hell am I to interfere.

I personally do not think these programs are good in general as I think there are other ways. I think too often society is looking for the quick fix and alienating a child from his family is probably not going to leave that child with much insentive to work things out with his parents. However, I have read of some kids really thinking it saved their lives. Which leads me to my questioning, yes maybe they changed how they do things but are they left with emotional baggage that years later still haunts them?

I am also afraid of retribution in some ways as you said you were fearful of running into the man who had control over you. These are all warning signs to me that I am not nuts, that these people shouldn't be running a program lolol.

I read where one other person on your board also had similar issues going on in her head and what she did was to write it all down and read it. That helped her to see that she had indeed been mistreated and it wasnt her fault. I think I am going to give that a go.

I would like to hear from others who have issues like this, "was it me?? was it them??"

Thanks for your posting, it is getting the wheels turning and I hope will lead to others also wanting to discuss this after effect of the "good" programs.  Perhaps that is my issue, not so much what happened to me but that these programs help in the short run but in the long run are they doing far more damage than one might think.

I am almost 20 years down the road from my experience and it is still there even though I am known as a together kind of person who is strong and an example to others. I own my own business and am succesful by all accounts. But still, I find myself keeping tabs on these people almost 20 years later. hmmmmm

[Anonymous]

Experts are Skeptical
Unfortunately, even if a parent finds a suitable, non-abusive program, the long-lasting results are difficult to predict. Dr. Oscar Bukstein, an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine who specializes in children?s psychiatric disorders, says that even when kids make progress in these ?tough-love? residential programs, they very often have trouble reincorporating the skills they learn into their home lives. ?When kids get back to their original situation, they start to slip back,? he said. ?If anything, the center is probably a safe holding place until kids mature out of [their behavior problems].?
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?to ... um=9#57646

I think that about sums it up.

If you feel you have reason for concern, then you have reason for concern.
One of my biggest mistakes has been not trusting my own knowledge and 'gut' reaction.