This is a truly scary twisted sick fucking thing that we have all been through. Anyone, who sits and reads the posts on this site will realized that we have so many different memories, and different stories. Some of us remember things so differently than others. The human mind can only take so much, and Elan has put my soul through a ringer. No one can be trusted. I have trusted many people that I have met on Elan Alum and in other elan forums. They are mostly sickened people. Ken is holding onto his shit by the skin of his teeth right now, and he will be exposed any day. I wish to hell we could all stop this crazyness. I just pray that the doors of Elan will one day close forever. I have this dream of wrecking balls crashing through the very rooms where I once stood in front of 50 screaming brainwashed children, all scared. Crashing through the walls of the rooms where I was blasted for things that I could not humanly control. I want to see the Baseball field and the soccer fields ripped apart, in memory of physically being pushed past the point where I could breath or even see. I dream about those hideous beds being thrown into a landfill so than no one will ever have to wake up with a sore neck and back day after day for 3 years, and function as COF or COD or SOF on no sleep. Spinning around in circles, functioning these pointless jobs, feeling ill from the disgusting food, feeling sick from the filthy air. Sitting so close to each other that you can feel breath all over you. The breath of the girl who just talked about raping her younger sister in womens issues. Wrecking balls bashing through the bathrooms where we repeatedly took 3 minute long freezing cold showers with no privacy or room to move. Breaking through the dorm walls where I once layed in bed crying and holding myslef for three hours because I was not allowed to simply urinate. Sitting in those dark rooms with the lights buzzing day in and day out. Listening to the stories of ruined souls, ruined lives. Corrupt staff treating us like we were Jews in the Holocaust. Staff being hired that sexually harrased me. I dream that elan will be shut down, broken down, discarded, and rid from this earth. Someday in the future no elan residents will exist, we will all have passed on and there will be nothing left at the end of that stomach turning winding road. Maybe a family will build a summer home down by the lake. And relax in front of the water. There will be no zones, no house line up, no headcounts. People should be treated like people. I was a fucking sardine for 3 years. If anyone can say that Elan is good, or right I cannot understand how we are the same species. Joe Ricci is dead. Now can't we let his hideous money making evil hearted scheme of a fascist boot camp be put to rest. I don't want to lose on more night of sleep thinking about the images that creeped out of the walls while i was forced to stare into a corner. Or How I conformed and yelled, I yelled soooo much. At people who never deserved it. We were at elan because we needed guidance. We needed love. We needed help. What we got is a very bleak future of rotten memories and feelings of worthlessness. The memories of Marc Rosenburg telling me I am nothing but a whore, how worthless I am, how no one will ever love me. How I am at the bottom of society, how the world doesn't need me. What a great man he was. A 15 year old girl should b=never hear that. The emotional abuse was too much for me, and I want so hard to let go.
