i have been off this site for a while and just recently started reading again. i read lulu's trial and it made me want to cry, for her, for me, for all of us. i have a great pain in my gut that doesnt go away. i watched the tapes of miller and ruth and wanted to vomit. they have taught me how to truly hate. i look back at my unreal life and still cant believe it all. what the fuck happened? how did i, a 13yr old boy fall into the hands of such a monster. a beast who went to great lengths to destroy my mind. this site has been helpful, but i cant handle the assholes that like to play games here. i sit up at night and want to have a nervous breakdown. it all comes back to me and i shrivel up to feeling shame and used up. i cant except the move on and get over it idea. I must reach closure. i want to start a private group online that would require voluntary membership and revealing and proving our true idenity. in hopes that maybe we can unite better and make more happen. i'm thinking one must be excepted and proven before being a member on the site. if anyone is interested in this please respond. kobc survivor
