My dream response:
Hi Parents,
So glad to hear your child is tucked away safe and sound in a place thousands of miles from home. That must be a great comfort to you not to have to worry about your "good child" making "bad choices". Best wishes for the coming new year and continued success in the engineering of the perfect child (ideally at a discounted price to help offset the expense of long-term programming).
Signed,
Yours NOT truly,
Whats stopping you?
Post it.
Long as you don't defame a particular program, it should fly.