I do have a purpose for remembering all this hell. I was looking through the internet and happened on this by chance. I was a bit reluctant to read these posts cause I was not in the least bit willing to remember those days. I was a career Misb and spent alot of agonizing hours in the pink and blue rooms. Anyway I just held my breath and decided to take a peek. It is really strange hearing these stories and my mind is flooded with memories I have repressed for so long. I am still not sure how to feel about this but I will see how it goes. I would like to take this time to vent an apology in to the open air. I really doubt this person reads this forum but I figure I am somewhat vindicated by telling the story to those who went through the place like we did. I was in Atlanta, on transfer and I had just made third or fourth phase. I guess third. I was living in the Beaupre or Bopreau house(I dont remember the spelling. the house had a brother and sister in the program at the same time. this was lucky cause it was co-ed and had no newcomers) I lived with a girl, my host sis named Suzy I think. We were really close friends. I mean you can understand as we were the same age, in the same jail, no newcomers, and rules and what not. It was the greatest friendship I can remember. Not like you think but like brother and sister. Although I did develop a strong fondness for her it never went anywhere. The group was not stupid I guess and caught on to it but didnt say anything. I was oblivious to that fact so I was like what the fuck you know. Later I saw my exit opportunity for the eighth time and decided to bail after school. I was going to Wheeler high school at the time and I made another friend with some guy in my class and he had a car. So over a week I explained my situation to him and he agreed to get me out. All the while I never told her what I was planning cause of the reservation that she might nark. But one the weekend before I left I told her my plan. She didnt flip and she kept it tight until I executed the plan. At the time I felt okay cause I probably thought I would get caught and sent back. We would meet again and all that stuff. But to my surprise I actually managed to evade and cross state lines and eventually my parents pulled me in absentia. After my bliss wore off I started thinking about her. It was miserable. I remember my mother telling me that she was instantly persecuted for my copout and more than likely setback. I felt a guilt which I could never explain to my friends on the outside. How could they understand what I was feeling and how I could feel that way when they had no Idea what it was like for us inside that place. Anyway listen;
Susy I am sorry! I hope you got all those sweet things in life you used to tell me you always wanted. I am so sorry for any pain I caused you!
