Someone asked what love meant to me, I assume you meant in terms of intervention or treatment for someone who was harming themselves or making destructive choices.
This therapist speaks closest to what I consider to be a humane approach- an alternative to BM, why BM should be avoided, and what teens and their families are really dealing with when a child is "acting out".
I like his thinking on natural consequences vs parent (program) formulated consequences, except I consider two of his three examples of natural consequences not to be natural, but socially imposed.
I particularly prefer his definition of what "taking responsibility" looks like.
Very different than the program definition- take responsibility = enroll the kid in a program and attend seminars.
http://www.postinstitute.com/articles/a ... iormod.htmExcerpts:
Therefore, when The Stress Model states that all behavior stems from stress; the use of consequences is not an effective tool for short term altering of behavior and long term development, it is essentially reiterating the fact that children, primarily children of trauma, are reacting from a neurophysiological state of which they only have the power to demonstrate the most minimal degree of control imaginable. If a child is behaving inappropriately, he is not merely behaving inappropriatly but rather is behaving out of a state of neurophysiological upset or stress. In order for parenting intervention to be effective for long term developmental change and immediate behavior alteration the parent must approach the behavior from the perspective of The Stress Model in that the emotions must be expressed in order to calm the stress and diminish the behavior. Otherwise, to give consequences for behavior is merely consequencing behavior and is not addressing the underlying developmental ailment and cause of the behavior. In many ways this alternative approach is a preventive approach because it is working to create the necessary environment for the emotional regulation of stress. Setting the neurophysiological stage to correct what the child's regulatory system has learned and experienced.
Previously, Family-Centered Regulatory Parenting states, " The use of consequences is not an option in the Family-Centered approach due to the principle that the PRIMARY CAREGIVER MUST TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE DEVELOPING CHILD. In doing so, inappropriate behavior is a WARNING SIGN that the child is exhibiting a CONDITIONED STRESS RESPONSE and it is the responsibility of the care giver to initiate a learning and safe environment for the at risk child via containment. (This does not mean institutionalization) Within the application of the Family-Centered Regulatory treatment model a system of application is geared towards PREVENTION of upset emotional stress and behavioral acting out rather than INTERVENTION.
Through the overall process of the Family-Centered approach, the very act of parental responsibility begins to initiate the most valuable behavior modifying technique available. The dyadic transactions, which occur between the caregiver and child, create the environment for restoring the lost nurturing and attunement, which created the child's overly, sensitized stress response system in the beginning. In this manner the parent offers the most advanced system for child intervention available because the overall schema of treatment is not merely geared toward behavioral intervention, but towards the neurophysiological underpinnings of behavior itself and the parent-child dynamics that create stress."
In continuation of The Stress Model within the Family-Centered Parenting approach, it must be understood that the entire family can be and is affected by the stress of another family member. Remembering that the PARENT IS THE PRIMARY RESPONSIBLE PARTY FOR THE EFFECTIVE TEACHING AND REGULATION OF STRESS, it must therefore be understood that the parent(s) are always a part of the final family regulatory state.
When implementing The Stress Equation, we can utilize the following situation as a classic example. A father comes home from work stressed out after having been fired. This physiological state is immediately intrudes upon that of the wife and ultimately the child. Being that a child is immature to the parent in all areas, he will generally be the one participant in the home and variable in the equation that acts out the stress through behavior more so than anyone else. In this manner, the child generally becomes the stress target for the rest of the family. In a family of more than one child, the child with the least independent regulatory ability will become the target because he will be the one individual in the midst of the environment the least capable of regulating the stress therefore causing him to act out the most. For this reason, it is generally the child that brings the parent(s) into treatment. On various occasions, it is not only the child in need of the treatment it is the parent(s) as well. In this regard, successful treatment outcome is impossible without the inclusion of the entire family.
In conclusion, ultimately it is the regulatory ability that leads to our success as individuals in society. Unfortunately to many parents themselves lack the mature regulatory system to be effective regulatory teachers to their children. The parents therefore seek professional help and the professional often times ENHANCES THE STATE OF DYSREGULATION by being CHILD BEHAVIOR-CENTERED. When this is occurring the child is often BLAMES, LABELED, and the behavior given REPEATED CONSEQUENCES, in worse case scenarios, the behavior is MEDICATED or the child begins to act out to such a degree that he is placed in RESIDENTIAL TREATMENT. As long as there is NOT A PARENT WILLING TO TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY to communicate the necessary regulatory lessons, the child will not develop the necessary effective regulatory skills.
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His theory suggests that no one "chooses" anti-social/ self destructive behavior. The behavior has become the default response.
Q: What is your area of specialization?
A: I specialize in the treatment of behavioral and emotional disorders demonstrated by children and families. Primarily, this involves families with children that act out with severe behaviors. Normally, these behaviors range from lying, stealing, and manipulating, to setting fires and hurting others. Often times these children are diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder, however, they may also have been diagnosed as Oppositional-Defiant, Bi-Polar, ADHD, or even Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I place heavy emphasis on the family because this is the center of the healing environment for this child, and also because the family is generally acting out an enormous amount of stress as well.
