I started reading Fornits about 2 years ago. The first year I just read. Then I sheepishly started posting. For the last few months I've become a full blown sarcastic sodbusting loudmouth.
In the last few months I've had several realizations about RMA and how it 'altered my trajectory'. These realizations are at times difficult and at times positive.
I woke up this morning fresh from an RMA dream (the first one I've had in 6 months). This RMA dream was one of a kind. I FINALLY took control in the middle of the dream, told the staff to fuck off etc. etc. etc. It went from nightmare to picture perfect. I woke up with a grin on my face - ear to fucking ear.
As I lay there in my long overdue triumph I remembered a dream I had last week where I also triumphed.
In the other re-occuring dream (based on an long-standing annoying forced relationship of mine) I encounter a specific person, get pissed off at their antics and snap. When I snap I try to yell at this particular person and tell them to fuck off. As I open my mouth to start my voice instantly gives out the second I start yelling at them. I'm sitting there in the dream saying to myself, "Holy shit, my volume is zero. What the fuck".
This person has total fucking control of me! Fuck - Fuck - Fuck". Last week for the 1st time, I turned the corner I thought I'd never turn. I finally told them to Fuck off with FULL VOLUME.
I can only infer that my months of venting on this website allowed me to realize that this 'suppression/shame/blame myself for everything' theme 'exisited' in me and to a large part controlled me. I've been living with this theme since the day I was sent to RMA and now it's yesterday's news.
I've finally slain the only 2 re-occuring dreams that have ever plauged me. I won. Feel my trajectory and respect my authoritiiiiii.
