she can do just fine once she decides to, even if she throws away several years between 15 and 25.
Yeah, I suppose you are right, *if* she decides to. I am worried she'll get pregnant, or get comfortable and dependent on someone who is not good for her, and then never get back on track.
Never is a very long time. It might take her two years or ten, but from what you describe, I don't think 'never' is likely. Even if she does have a child - even if she does have an un-pleasant lay-a-bout for a boyfriend - her life can turn out remarkably settled and respectable enough.
She has not surrounded herself with people who will give her a good example to follow.
Honestly - I do understand. You would find it hard to believe the kind of crowd I've had knocking at my door looking for my kids. Many of them have been quite memorable. There was the vampire - a couple of those actually. The guy who used a pair of crutches even tho his limbs were fine. Another who wore a heavy winter coat in mid-summer; Yet another who fancied himself the king of our town - Others who were just really dim, or really mean, or really rude. Kids called Delicious and Cheezy and Machine. And yet - somehow things have turned out good enough. I have said to friends that I can't do a lot of bragging, but I do have a lot of interesting stories to tell
And truth be told - lately I can even brag a little.
This is just not something I've ever had to deal with in my family. I was the worst of my siblings but even I got it together in time for college. When I got shipped off to boarding school there was just as much drugs and drinking but the difference in the environment was *all* of these kids were planning to go to college, and nearly all of them did. I can see now that these "therapeutic" schools won't have that kind of effect.
No - these "schools" do not have the effect of a legitimate boarding school - they have more the effect of a POW camp - and I'm not thinking of one run by Kernel Klink when I say that. She may be an older student when she gets into Uni but she'll almost certainly go - simply b/c it is true enough that an apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Be it nature or nurture - we carry a lot of our heritage with us whether we like it or not. Some struggle all their lives to brake away from troubled family histories and others who stray from solid foundations eventually fall back into the values and responsible nature they grew up with - as long as they aren't pushed so far away they can not return.
Maybe we should just move to a different state. :-p
Well, if it is an option, maybe you should. But even this wouldn't be a cure. Remarkable how these kids find each other. One thing I didn't mention yet- speaking of the kids - you don't need to support the negatives or validate wrong thinking - but it can help if you aren't actually hostile. I didn't want some of those clowns around - but I did on occasion feed them because they were hungry. With only a couple of exceptions, I tried to treat them with some respect - I tried to keep a sense of humor - but I was always clear what I would not tolerate - and I think this made it a little easier for the kids to trust me enough to help when I really needed it - and for me to be able to tolerate them when I needed to.
