***Maybe they're also missing those expensive presents they're not going to get this year. Could make the whole family focus on what's really important and look at that as a gift instead of the "things".***
Anon, Who bought those expensive gifts? Who conditioned the child to expect expensive gifts? To believe they were the center of the universe, to feel 'entitled' to any and everything they desired, without any inkling of the realities of the world? Then when the kid hits the teen years s/he is blamed for the mistakes of the parent. Kid goes to the torture chamber while the parents take a break. A break from the manifestation of 'their' creation.
"We're going to punish you for the way your parents conditioned you. And make you believe that you are responsible for all of it. Your 'choices'". The focus should never had been on "things". Kids are not born selfish or narcissistic or angry or hopeless.
I'm sorry more really useful options aren't available to parents and teens.
Like, instead of Tough Love, maybe Teen Swap. I'll take your kid for 6 months, you take mine. I had this arrangement to some degree with the mom of my son's best friend. It was great!! She raved about what a prefect house guest he was. How responsible and helpful and courteous.
By 12-13, I think teens need to spend time with other families. I remember being curious about how other families operated. How they resolved conflict. How they made decisions. Divied up chores.
I had long summer visits with my country cousins (5) who lived with their parents and grandparents in a 3 bedroom house. It was heaven. Remember John Denver's song "Grandma's Feather Bed". I slept in that bed in my grandparents room and shared it with two cousins. We peed in a bucket at night and used an outhouse during the day. I never missed the constant roar of a TV. There was something exciting and fun to do all day. Many opportunites to develop one's imagination. Sitting in the mulberry tree munching with the chickens. Picking plums, first a ripe one then a green...talk about sweet and sour. Playing marbles under the huge shade tree where no grass grew. Excavating tiny glass beads that were assumed to be 'Indian treasures'. Exploding firecrackers in cow paddies- no city ordinances. Going skinny dipping in the pond and cooking the fish we caught. Whitteling. Finger crocheting. Driving the '50 Chevy at 6, or riding on the hood down the lane to gather the cows from the south 40. Milk wars.. you'd be amazed at how far that stream can travel!! Having foot races through the corn patch. Walking the railroad track to pick dewberries. Eating watermelon on hot summer nights. Mammoth hotcakes with Brer Rabbit Syrup. Making homemade ice cream. It was a ritual. I felt honored to have the 'most important job' of sitting on the icecream maker while cousins took turns cranking. Everyone had a place and participated and enjoyed contributing. Doing laudry on a washboard and taking bathes in a #3 tub, with water we had drawn from the well and heated on the kerosine stove. Sleeping on cots outside with the legs immersed in water-filled tin cans to deter crawling critters, while older cousins pointed out constellations in the night sky. I never missed the city and begged my parents to let me live there, where life had a pulse.
I felt sorry for my cousins because they only got one present at Xmas. When I was too young to understand, but already conditioned, I wondered if they were 'bad'. I couldn't imagine that. I'm glad I had both worlds, but it brings a tear to my eye that so many young people don't get to experience anything closed to this. Is it any wonder that the world is in the state it is in? SO many unnoticed and appreciated treasures and experiences.
Merry X-Mas (No More). I hope all the kids at programs can feel the wishes I'm sending them at this moment.
