something fun (I hope): then and now

[Cleopatra2U]

First of all, apologies to anyone who's on the Yahoo! forum, Straight_Inc_Alumni, because I just posted the same thing over there.  (I just found these forums, and I am a bit excited about getting to know some of you :smile:!)

In reading about Straight on the WWW, including on this forum, I'm
running across of a lot of really depressing material. I guess
that's to be expected, but I figured that, by now (it's been, like, 9
years since the last Straight closed, right?) we'd have more good
stuff to talk about, or at the very least, some mildly entertaining
inconsequential bullshit. I thought making a list of what we were
like then versus what we are like now would fulfill the latter. I
know it would help me get to know some of you, since I have yet to
run into anyone I was really close to in the program.

Well, here goes, feel free to reply and add your own categories!

Mindi, then
-----------
* height: about 5'2"
* weight: 100 lbs. when I went in, 130 when I got out
* image: from headbanging bitch with Joan Jett hair to Straightling
with slapped-back hair
* favorite color: black
* favorite kind of music: heavy metal
* favorite band/artist: Metallica
* favorite food: pizza
* dream car: Dodge Charger (what my "druggie boyfriend" drove, ha! I
thought of him every time I wrote that on a "dreams list") or 64 1/2
Ford Mustang
* what I wanted to be when I grew up: no freakin' idea
* what I thought of my parents: God damn, how could they do this to
me?

Mindi, now
----------
* height: about 5'4"
* weight: confidential! ha! seriously, somewhere between 120 and 130,
but at least I have a kid to show for it and not just those 1000-
calorie cookies we got for snacks in Straight >
* image: frazzled administrative assistant
* favorite color: black (some things never change)
* favorite kind of music: what, I have to pick just one?
* favorite band/artist: The Beastie Boys
* favorite food: anything Thai
* dream car: Mercedes SLK230 hardtop convertible (it's really a dream
folks)
* what I want to be when I grow up: happy
* what I think of my parents: not much, really -- we weren't close
before Straight; we're still not; but it doesn't really bother me any
more

[jpearce75]

Jeremy, then
-----------
* height: about 5'4" to 5'6"(im guessing)
* weight: 120 lbs. when I went in, 125 when I got out (im guessing)
* image: surfer looking skateboarder with a huge hairsprayed wave in my hair to a conservative feathered look
* favorite color: black
* favorite kind of music: heavy metal
* favorite band/artist: Metallica,guns n roses,motley crue
* favorite food: beef stroganof
* dream car: porsche
* what I wanted to be when I grew up: artist
* what I thought of my parents: Fucking idiots, I fucking hate them.

Jeremy, now
----------
* height: about 5'9" to 5'10"
* weight: 150
* image: short hair goat without the tee and long sideburns.  I actually turned out descent looking:)
* favorite color: black
* favorite kind of music: industrial, alternative
* favorite band/artist: nine inch nails,tool, tori amos, system of a down
* favorite food: beef stroganof
* dream car: Acura NSX
* what I want to be when I grow up: writer/artist and rich
* what I think of my parents: resentful and bitter, dont talk to them that much

[kaydeejaded]

[ This Message was edited by: kaydeejaded on 2005-05-10 05:50 ]

[Cleopatra2U]

Ahh, parents...  I guess I should have left that off my list of categories if I really wanted this post to consist of nothing but "mildly entertaining inconsequential bullshit".

One of the worst feelings in the world has to be when your parents tell you you're just going to talk to someone...  And it isn't until you hear the door click locked behind you that you realize that you have been betrayed by the very people who are supposed to care about you the most.

This has happened to me not just once (Straight, of course), but several times...  First, my devout Catholic mother told me, when I was 15 and pregnant, that I had to have an abortion or she would kick me out of the house.  Then, both parents told me I was just going to talk to a counsellor, and I would up in P.I.D.C.'s Gateway unit for adolescent alcohol and drug abusers for a month or so.  Then it was off to Straight.  Then, when I finally left Straight (which they had managed to get me court-ordered to) for good and refused to go back, my parents stood up in a court room and told the judge they didn't want me, EVEN THOUGH I WAS SOBER, so I got to spend my last days as a "juvie" bounced from place to place (jail, halfway house, another halfway house), finally ending up in a foster home for 6 months or so until I turned 18.  I was fortunate enough to reconcile with my parents with the help of my foster mother, and go on to live with them again while I attended community college, but I can't say that I've totally forgiven them for all the betrayal and abandonment.  Accept, yes.  Forgive, not quite.

Almost 5 years ago, my parents retired and moved to Mexico, over 3000 miles away.  For a long time I felt abandoned all over again, until I got it out of my head that they moved just to get away from me.  I mean, I'd never been that important to them before, why should I be now, and besides, they both have a history of running away from their families -- my Dad is the only one of 8 Midwestern-born kids to end up on the East Coast; my Mom is the only one in her immediate family to leave the Phillipines for the USA.  It seems they just like to be by themselves.  Hey, it makes it easier for me; I don't have to worry about them calling or coming over, or vice-versa.

Is it possible to ever TOTALLY let go of the resentment one feels towards one's parents?

[jpearce75]

It has been over 10 years since I have been in Straight and no matter how many times I have tried to make myself believe that I have let all the hurt, betrayal, and anger go, it still comes back to haunt me.  From my own experiences I would say NO, you can not totally forgive your parents.  However if a person is in a place in their life where forgiveness is truely for themselves then there may be a possibility.  In my case I cant forgive because they never tried to understand the pain and hurt I felt, nor did they seem to care what there actions did to me in the long term.  I wish you luck on your journey and hope you can come to peace with whatever happens or with whatever you feel.

[Cleopatra2U]

Thanks Jeremy.

I didn't expect to be pouring out so much sh!t in this forum and also the Yahoo! one since joining both just Sunday.  It's all stuff I've talked about before -- in meetings when I still went to them, with friends, with psychiatric professionals, even some with my parents -- but it feels good to get it out again, in a forum made of people who might, unlike anyone else I've talked with to this point, actually understand.

What Straight were you in?  I was in Straight Springfield VA (I guess some people call it Straight DC) from March 1990 - June 1991.

[jpearce75]

I was in Orlando Straight from march/april 1990 to december 1991.  A total of 20 months.
I myself just joined this forum about a week and a half ago.  I am happy to have found people that can understand where I am coming from.  It makes it easier for me to work through the issues I need to because there is a support group there for me.  Write me an email if you ever want to talk about anything. Hope my view helped about letting resentment go.

[kaydeejaded]

Beleive it or not I think that these forums this one and the alum have actually helped me with my resentments and lingering emotion that I don't even think has a name rage anxiety hate paranoira mistrust.. all rolled into one emotion. At first it dug up all my anger again and then it slowly helped to put it to bed finally after 13years. As far as parental forgiveness totally?? No not with me at least too many lies over the course of too many years. Trust no one I tell them and they wonder how I got to be sooo cynical uh duh? You paid for this personality change remember?? But thank God there are others like us all fucked up and traumatized. It is healing weird and pretty strange rehab for rehab, thanx straight....kady :grin:

[Diane B]

I too have found alot of peace on these sites, just the feeling that I am not alone is comforting, though I do feel bad that everyone else had to go through the same shit, Since I copped out off of 4th phase I never was in contact with anyone from straight and did not realise how many more people they have messed with I went in after 3 beers and I still have hang ups about straight trust, nightmares etc...and I just could not put it behind me for the longest time I thought it was just me that I was just a fucked up pup, now i realise it was not me it was the straight administration who is to blame.  This is real hard for me to put into words I hope ya'll understand what I am talking about.  now on to the fun

going in straight:
ht: 5'10"
weight 135
image: big hair(It was the 80,s), leather metalhead groupie wannabe
fav. color: black
music: metal
band: motley crue
food: ?
dream car: 68 hard top mustang cherry red
wanted to be: Marine biologist (far fetched, I have a water phobia)
parents: lets not even go there

Now:

Ht: still 5'10"
wt:135 (but it is NOT in the same places gravity....sigh
Fav color: deep green
Music:I like just about everything but rap
Band: Beatles, alanis morsette
food:potato skins and fudge
dream car: Lincon Navigator (ok not good on the enviorment but it is a dream)
when I grow up: havent decided yet but I am a teacher now, I would like to write kids books
Parents: my mom died  and my dad...depends on what day of the week it is.

Diane