Confusion anyone?

[SurvivorEMSR]

I have so many resenments at Pathway. I hate the fact that they kept me for 26 months when I didn't have a drug problem. I hate the fact that I was humiliated day after day. I dispise the ridiculous rules I was forced to follow. I didn't like not being able to talk to my family for six months. (Oh,excuse me, I did have ammends sessions.) I want to forget the pain that I endured at the hands of the Pathway staff, but at the same time, I'm almost embarrassed to say that I miss certain parts of my stay. I became very close to a few clients there. I didn't mind the "phaser room" talks I had with them. While I was there, I was actually convinced, well almost convinced, that I needed to be there. I regretfully admit that I enjoyed the power trips of fifth phase, and I liked the authority I was given over other clients. I can say that most of the time I was pretty sincere, and I actually "worked the program" just like I was told. I fell completely into their brainwashing techniques, and I don't think I have fully recovered yet. Is there something wrong with me? Is this normal? It will be two years in July that I have been free of PFC, but in a way, I still feel like a client. :scared:  Thank you for listening. EMSR

[Anonymous]

It was the Program that was bad, not us kids. Remember that. My best memories of Straight were my mis-behaving newcomers, or my newcomers in general. For some reason Staff sent misbehavors home with me, well I guess I know why, mibehavers liked me. And I liked them. When we got home I could break their ice and communcate. Relax. Not "Straight" style either, my style. I have this gift, I can make people laugh! I had this one misbehavior who wouldn't bathe unless she came home with me, she was also a carver. So her other oldcomers wouldn't let her shave. So she just refused to take a bath. And since she was a big girl, people were afraid of her. (you couldn't force her at home) So,the two of us would just bathe together. (fuck it!) I'd let her shave, I was "being aware" so we would just hang out in this huge tub at my Aunt and Uncles host home, and make up funny shit to laugh about.(tank God we could cuss) My mom never opened a host-home. (another story)
I understand missing parts of it, simply because that's what was familiar. Trust me, that'll wear off. So will your razor sharp, over magnified conscience. That's what brainwashing does for you. Cult brainwashing(or any other) fills your head with their ideas and thoughts so you can't have your own...hence, the constant singing during any break time, even: water, meds,  bathroom breaks, between raps, I hated those MFing songs!!!
The most difficult part of being survivors, is what we are left to deal with, after the nightmare ends, the trauma begins. It has been what has held me back from personal growth the most, because after straight,I was lost. Even a decade later, I was lost. It has been 17 years now for me since Straight raped my mind, and I'm finally movin' on. You are lucky to realize and learn about how many people there are out here who understand how wrong what happened to you was, so that you can begin healing the part of you they tried to take away, your identity. You will win! Don't let any of those brainwashers or brainwashees tell you otherwise. They are wrong!

Let love guide you, and inner peace find your broken heart. Let healing in. You are not alone. E-mail me and I'll give you my phone number if you need a friend:
 ::heart:: ladymorli@yahoo.com  
Take care,
Morli

[ehm]

Yes, that was really me!!! :wave:

[Anonymous]

I couldn't agree any more!!!!!!
    Straight survivor.....Plymouth ,Mi. 86-87.... :smokin: