Yep. Fear sells... whatever it is you want to sell. Remember Y2K and the Anthrax/biological weapons scare? You couldn't buy a roll of duct tape or bottled water anywhere.
I don't believe for a minute it's a "figure of speech". It's an expression of grossly exaggerated fear- which programs capitalize on- putting out studies that wilderness is safer than driving or playing football; suggesting that parents can't protect their child 24/7, but they can.... for a price of course.
***WHAT IF I hadn't intervened and he had died?
What if he gets run over by a truck the day after he gets home or contracts a fatal disease? There are no certainties in life. We begin the dying process with the first breath we take. Some have a longer journey than others. One might as well be dead if they live their life in fear of death (or someone elses). Is that "being at cause in your life"? Are you really at cause when you abdicate responsibility, turning your child over to strangers who are profiting off your fear?
How is your child "being at cause in their life" in that situation? They aren't. They obviously don't choose it (the majority anyway) and are being controlled by your fears and the hired dictators at the program, "You will participate and experience personal growth, or I'll twist your arm out of the socket." It just doesn't work that way.
And, worse case scenerio, what if your son HAD died? Would the guilt be unbearable? Would you feel responsible? Is that what makes the end justify the means- no matter how abusive or austere or disrepectful?
I would suggest that what is more important is quality of life while you're here for your blip in history of humankind. And that is what so many teens are needing, imho. Families, communities, schools, social policies that recognize their needs and demonstrate genuine respect.
Instead of letting fear run your life why not look at your child's reaction to their life situation as a challenge. Be their ally. Help them figure out what it is they need to feel worthy, loved, appreciated, productive, constructive. What is it they need in order to master their environment, in Montessori terms. Make that the challenge. Living with a teen does not have to be a battle zone, unless you choose to sit on the sidelines and call the plays without being intimately involved, or sit on the sidelines and whimper because your son has lied to you AGAIN and you just don't understand.
If the thousands of parents who defer to programs; and/or who spend every spare moment selling programs; would put that money and energy into taking an active role as allies to teens- demanding better schools that meet the REAL needs of kids, demanding better social policies, etc, etc, etc- we would see happier, content teens. Yeh...I know it's a pipe dream, but I won't give it up.
To punish them because their family, society has short changed them is not the solution. Good god, that's equivalent to spanking a child and then punishing them further for crying about the spanking. To incarcerate them, isolated from the world, and subject them to mind twisting and numbing psycobabble (that few ADULTS can comprehend and implement)and abuse, is not by any stretch of the imagination, a compassionate solution. At the rate this country is going, the teen years will be labeled a period of mental disorder and all teens will be mandatorially incarcerated between the ages of 10-18...20 if they can stretch it that long. Because the adults are trying to alleviate their fears.
I'll tell you how one program(ed) parent reacted to her son being killed at a wilderness program- a death due to medical neglect that could have been prevented with simple common sense.
She chose to excuse it as his "karma". She did not want to feel like a "VICTIM" in the situation. ::puke::
Why would it be so easy for her to forgive them, yet difficult to forgive her son for acting out the pain he carried inside. His "troublesome" behavior- which was a direct reaction to his life situation- was much more forgiveable in my mind than the behavior of the program/staff. She felt sorry for the trouble (investigation/revoked license) the program was experiencing- they were so good to her. Why no empathy for the fear, confusion, and anger her son lived with? Why did she "choose" to interpret his behavior as defiant and not for what it really was- a manifestation of the hopelessness, grief, fear, confusion? Why did she feel that strangers could give him the love, respect, appreciation, and direction that she herself couldn't?
If that is being "at cause" in your life, I want no part of it. I interpret it as a woo-woo, lame-ass excuse. The least a program parent could do is be honest- "I'm clueless, hopeless...I figure these strangers can do a better job than I can...guess I'll roll the dice, how bad could it really be"... and say that, to the public and especially to your kid. Like the child who is shriveled and crying in humiliation after a good ass whoopin', the last thing they want to hear is, "you've done this for their own good."
