The Parents Side of the Story

[Maximilian]

This thread is going to be dedicated to providing some insight into what parents of troubled teens go through. Now I have never been the parent of a troubled teen myself, but I was a troubled teen and I know how this impacted the relationship with my family and parents. I was extremely self-centered and didn't care at all how my negative self destructive behaviors were impacting my family. I gave no consideration to other people besides myself, I did what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted. This resulted in my parents having to deal with the consequences when the police would come knocking asking about me, or when I'd get kicked out of school, or they were forced to come have meetings with social workers and other people who were attempting to deal with me and my behaviors.

I gave no thought to how much crap I put my family through, and I do regret this now quite a bit. I gave my family no other options than finally sending me to a restrictive lock down program, and we didn't have a lot of money. That means that my family had to sell many things they owned to pay for it, and their investments and college funds for my siblings. I took all that away from my family, I mine as well have burned our house down and the bank account too, because that was the end result of my actions. But during this, they never complained or made me feel guilty. They were more than willing to sacrifice their own material possessions and hard work to save my life. I took, and took, and took some more. They gave me my life back in return.

I feel a lot of guilt when thinking about how I helped ruin my own family. I used to think it was my family that caused me problems, and that was an excuse to use drugs and hurt myself. But the truth was I contributed a lot of the problems our family had to deal with. All the problems going on I felt like I was a victim of, were in fact a creation of my own. It's a sick thought to realize you are the cause of all  your problems, and it's easier to blame those around you and the outside world.

I will never be able to repay my family for what I owe them. They sacrificed their own financial well being in order to save my life, and even then for a while I didn't respect what they had done. Can you imagine working so hard, and spending so much hard earned money to save your child who keeps insisting on killing themselves? Sure, I could take the group think position here, and fit in with the regulars, if I would blame everything on the program. But the truth is, none of this was the program's fault, all the negative things that happened were my choices. I am accountable now for everything I did and however long it takes I hope to pay my family back for the cost of sending me to treatment. I feel it's my responsibility to pay back my family financially, and hopefully also emotionally if I can, for all that I took from them back when I was a self centered, troubled teen.

This thread is going to be a place where parents can post their side of the story, as well as people who went to programs but want to talk about how their actions impacted their family.

[Pile of Dead Kids]

Posting in a troll thread.

[Shadyacres]

You've got to be kidding.
 :spam:  :spam:  :spam:  :spam:  :spam:  :spam:  :spam:  :spam:  :spam:

[shaggys]

This thread is going to be dedicated to providing some insight into what parents of troubled teens go through. Now I have never been the parent of a troubled teen myself, but I was a troubled teen and I know how this impacted the relationship with my family and parents. I was extremely self-centered and didn't care at all how my negative self destructive behaviors were impacting my family. I gave no consideration to other people besides myself, I did what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted. This resulted in my parents having to deal with the consequences when the police would come knocking asking about me, or when I'd get kicked out of school, or they were forced to come have meetings with social workers and other people who were attempting to deal with me and my behaviors.

I gave no thought to how much crap I put my family through, and I do regret this now quite a bit. I gave my family no other options than finally sending me to a restrictive lock down program, and we didn't have a lot of money. That means that my family had to sell many things they owned to pay for it, and their investments and college funds for my siblings. I took all that away from my family, I mine as well have burned our house down and the bank account too, because that was the end result of my actions. But during this, they never complained or made me feel guilty. They were more than willing to sacrifice their own material possessions and hard work to save my life. I took, and took, and took some more. They gave me my life back in return.

I feel a lot of guilt when thinking about how I helped ruin my own family. I used to think it was my family that caused me problems, and that was an excuse to use drugs and hurt myself. But the truth was I contributed a lot of the problems our family had to deal with. All the problems going on I felt like I was a victim of, were in fact a creation of my own. It's a sick thought to realize you are the cause of all  your problems, and it's easier to blame those around you and the outside world.

I will never be able to repay my family for what I owe them. They sacrificed their own financial well being in order to save my life, and even then for a while I didn't respect what they had done. Can you imagine working so hard, and spending so much hard earned money to save your child who keeps insisting on killing themselves? Sure, I could take the group think position here, and fit in with the regulars, if I would blame everything on the program. But the truth is, none of this was the program's fault, all the negative things that happened were my choices. I am accountable now for everything I did and however long it takes I hope to pay my family back for the cost of sending me to treatment. I feel it's my responsibility to pay back my family financially, and hopefully also emotionally if I can, for all that I took from them back when I was a self centered, troubled teen.

This thread is going to be a place where parents can post their side of the story, as well as people who went to programs but want to talk about how their actions impacted their family.

That speech was like some BS that we had to confess at Open Meetings at Straight inc. I mean word for word! Really really sick stuff.

[Shadyacres]

Parents,
if your child is suicidal, take them to a reputable psychiatric hospital.  If they are breaking the law, call the police.  DO NOT hire a group of businessmen you know nothing about to "change his behavior" behind closed doors.  DO NOT waste your other children's college funds on these unethical charlatans.  Kids who come out of these programs are a walking time bomb of psychological issues and often take decades to recover, if they do so at all.

[Maximilian]

My parents had me hospitalized many times for being suicidal. But eventually the insurance runs out. They will hold you for a week usually, sometimes a couple weeks. After that, the responsibility of taken care of a self destructive minor is put in/7  the hands of the parents. Can 2 parents watch a troubled teen 24/7 to ensure they don't harm themselves? I lived in a one parent household, so no this was not a possibility. The psychiatrist at the hospital agreed I should be transfered to a private program, and they watched me 24/7 and put me on suicide watch for several weeks until I proved to them I could be trusted. Of course, I broke this trust again and again, and it took a lot of effort on the part of the program to save my life, against my own wishes. Not all parents go straight to the option of restrictive long term program, like my family, they had tried everything else and knew that 24/7 supervision was required in my case to save my life. It would be great if psychiatric hospitalizations could last longer than a week or so, but right now they are there to stabilize a patient and then transfer them elsewhere, or send them home. It's not a long term option.

[Eliscu2]

:poison:

[shaggys]

My parents had me hospitalized many times for being suicidal. But eventually the insurance runs out. They will hold you for a week usually, sometimes a couple weeks. After that, the responsibility of taken care of a self destructive minor is put in/7  the hands of the parents. Can 2 parents watch a troubled teen 24/7 to ensure they don't harm themselves? I lived in a one parent household, so no this was not a possibility. The psychiatrist at the hospital agreed I should be transfered to a private program, and they watched me 24/7 and put me on suicide watch for several weeks until I proved to them I could be trusted. Of course, I broke this trust again and again, and it took a lot of effort on the part of the program to save my life, against my own wishes. Not all parents go straight to the option of restrictive long term program, like my family, they had tried everything else and knew that 24/7 supervision was required in my case to save my life. It would be great if psychiatric hospitalizations could last longer than a week or so, but right now they are there to stabilize a patient and then transfer them elsewhere, or send them home. It's not a long term option.

I would agree that your actions show a deeply deeply disturbed individual. This goes a long way towards explaining your behavior here.

[Maximilian]

I will respond to respectful posts, as I have shown. But I am going to ignore the insults and judgmental criticisms of my life directed at me. So if you are wondering why I'm not responding to you, try being a little more respectful next time. Thanks.

Like always, people are free to ignore my threads and start their own.

[Eliscu2]

I will respond to respectful posts, as I have shown. But I am going to ignore the insults and judgmental criticisms of my life directed at me. So if you are wondering why I'm not responding to you, try being a little more respectful next time. Thanks.

Like always, people are free to ignore my threads and start their own.

[Shadyacres]

Good God Max,
What were you going through that caused you to be hospitalized several times for being suicidal?  Your parents have a responsibility to you to do their best to provide a comfortable, safe place for you to learn and grow into a healthy adult.  Many parents have trouble with this, including mine, but hiring someone else to do it is just dumb, nobody will care for your child if you don't.

[Anne Bonney]

Well, having been placed in an abusive program as a teen due to an overly strict  parent (I've told my story many times here...I was a normal teen occasionally "acting out" as normal teens do as a part of growing up.  Funny how all the kids I was hanging out with that were doing much "worse" things than I was ended up growing up just fine and I, the 'lightweight' of the group, ended up with diagnosed PTSD from the "treatment" I received at Straight) and as the parent of a truly troubled child, I can tell you that what is done in the name of therapy at these places that use LGAT/peer pressure/isolation/attack therapy IS abusive in it's very nature.  I understand what it's like to fear for the life of your child.  I also understand that the LAST thing that someone like that needs is to be locked away and subjected to LGAT-type "therapies".  I would never subject my child to that because I know from experience how damaging it is and how lasting that damage can be.  Adolescence is a scary time for both the teen and the parent, clearly and some kids do need help.  These programs do not provide help...they provide control, thought-reform and churn out obedient little drones with Stockholm Syndrome (I had it myself for a time) who all swear that the program "saved their lives" (deadinsaneorinjail seems to be the mantra of most programs).   I wonder how those kids I was hanging with before Straight that were all doing much "worse" things than I was managed to survive their teen years without benefit of a re-education camp and ended up normal, well adjusted adults while I suffered for years with the effects of what was done to me in the name of "help"?

The end does not justify the means.

Now, how many here can say that they were both in a program AND have been the parent of a "troubled" teenager?  I think that gives me a rather unique perspective. I'm so sick of hearing "until you've had a teen in danger.....blah blah blah".  I have had a teen in danger, severe danger and somehow we managed to get her thru without shipping her off to strangers to have her psyche scrambled, thank FSM!

[Anne Bonney]

This thread is going to be dedicated to providing some insight into what parents of troubled teens go through. Now I have never been the parent of a troubled teen myself,.

Then you really have no business speaking for parents at all, do you?

[Maximilian]

This thread is going to be dedicated to providing some insight into what parents of troubled teens go through. Now I have never been the parent of a troubled teen myself,.

Then you really have no business speaking for parents at all, do you?

You're right, that's exactly why I started this thread. Although I hope parents will come and share their side of the story, I'm not sure they will, this forum has a reputation for being rather hostile to the opinions of programs parents. But to those parents who are reading and understanding what I am saying, I want to say thank you. Not everybody who is sent to a program ends up bitter and angry about it for their whole lives. I was a little angry at first, but realized as I matured over a few years, and talking with my parents, that I needed to take accountability and give up the self centered victim mentality.

[Maximilian]

Good God Max,
What were you going through that caused you to be hospitalized several times for being suicidal?  Your parents have a responsibility to you to do their best to provide a comfortable, safe place for you to learn and grow into a healthy adult.  Many parents have trouble with this, including mine, but hiring someone else to do it is just dumb, nobody will care for your child if you don't.

Drug addiction coupled with mental illness, and self harm. Hiring somebody else in my case wasn't dumb, it was absolutely necessary. I have a couple siblings and was living with a single parent, who ran their own business which was going under at the same time this parent had to deal with all my issues. I could never honestly claim that my parents did not try their best. I don't think it's dumb to admit you need help with your troubled teen, but that's my opinion. My parents couldn't of watched me 24/7 like a program did.