Life after Kids

[Anonymous]

Dear kids survivors,
 I wonder if any of you struggle like I do with making life decisions now? I was married two years out of Kids and I have been married for 9 years. I have been struggling alot the last three years with not wanting to be married anymore and with wanting to live on my own because I nevere have really been independent and faced this big scary world on my own. The problem now is I have two children whom I  "feel like" couldn't handle the trauma of this decision. I constantly dump this problem on people around me wanting them to fix me and carry me through this but nobody seems to have the perfect solution. I feel like I will never be able to find strength to run my own life. Do others of you always feel like you are f*ckd up and you can't ever trust and believe in yourselves? The thing that scares me most is I feel like life completely sucks and there is nothing to look forward to and be excited about anymore.I get down to the point sometimes where suicide seems like the easiest solution because I am tired of constsntly being sad and hurting. Is this indecision the aftermath of Kids stealing all our self confidence?
 Sincerely,
        Fencesitter

[Anonymous]

I don't think so.  Most likely you suffered with some of these same problems pre-KIDS.  After all, there must have been something wrong for you're parents to put you in such a harsh program.  

You will fare much better in life if you face up to your shortcomings and do something about them rather than hang them on an easy hook...KIDS.

A wise man by the name of Father Martin once said, "if you are walking down the street and a good friend walks up to you and slaps you right in the face, it's completely understandable for you to feel hurt and angry, and want to retaliate.  But if 10 years later you are still brooding over this incident and it is making you so upset that you can't function, then there is something wrong with how YOU are dealing with it."
Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

Well, so much for the advice from the Newton devotee!! Contrary to anon's mis-judgement, the truth is that your parents were in error to have not investigated KIDS before they handed you over to a person with a mail-order "degree" in Anthropology. What you needed was a therapeutic program; what you got was a cult.

Most victims of thought reform absolutely DO struggle with life decisions because the cult taught you that every decision you make is flawed and through that process you learned to not trust in yourself, but instead, to look to others for help. This is why you still struggle with solving your problems on your own. I was the exact same way. It's called "group-think" mentality and it is a major aspect of thought-reform in cults.

First thing you should do is go to the library and read about cults and thought reform and PTSD. Then, once you clearly see yourself in the pages and understand why you don't trust or believe in yourself, you should look into both individual and couple counseling with your spouse so you can overcome the effects of said reform. There isn't anything wrong with asking for help, the problem is when you ask for help on places like this, because then you get advice that is uneducated and flawed from a cult-devotee with no more sense of reality or judgment than Miller had.

Go to a professional who specializes in cults, thought reform, and/or abuse. Suicide and divorce is not the answer. Recovery and healing is.

So although most of what anon said is B.S., I do agree that there is something wrong with how you are dealing with life, but only because your brain has been altered by a cult named KIDS. Find a specialist who can re-wire your thinking. (And it won't take luck, it will take patience and work) but the bright side is that you CAN heal. Many of us have.

You've made a good start by acknowledging that KIDS is where your brain was altered. Now follow up by educating yourself, and seeking help from a professional who won't tell you (like anon)that it's all your fault and you deserved what you got so now you should deal with it. That's cult-speak and it's bull. Go to a professional.

[John Olsakovsky]

Actually, none of us would have the capability of determining whether or not this individual was missing some key life skills pre-Kids or not.
Could very well be, so I don't think that Mr(s). Anonymous #1 is completely full of B.S.

I also agree w/ Anonymous #2 that your brain has been twisted in different ways by Kids and you should seek professional help.
We determined a long time ago that your peers in Kids (both during and after leaving that shithole) aren't capable of resolving such psychiatric issues, excepting those that have gone on to obtain higher degrees in that field (not many).

And doing all the research is great.  It expands your mind and all that, but it repairs NOTHING.  Example:  Your car is running rough, so you go get a Chilton's for your year/make/model.  You discover, through research & a process of elimination that your fuel injectors are dirty.
GREAT!.
That still hasn't fixed the problem and your engine is still running rough.
Until you do something to clean the fuel injectors (some fuel injector cleaner perhaps or take it to a shop), the problem is still there.

Knowing isn't the same as fixing.  Read all you want, but then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  My recommendation is still a psychiatric professional.

[Anonymous]

Damn you people! Because some body says to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY that makes them a kids advocate? To the doubtful one who asked for help, You are not alone first of all, but to continue to revive these kids memories in my life has done nothing but hinder my spiritual growth. Every person suffers from fear and doubt, we wouldnt be human if we didn`t. I had to get help with my kids experiences then move on,Ive been able to grow so much because of my relationship with God! There is hope and healing and joy right around the corner for you.All my doubts about my husband vanish when my spirit and relationship with God is right! don`t listen to these "regulars" around here, some offer a no hope solution. My life is far from perfect, but I do not suffer anymore from "post kids disease" and you don`t have to either.e-mail if you want ewajundo@aol.com               GOD BLESS

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the first and last response, so refreshing to hear people who have matured in life since the program. To often the message is so empty, I guess I was stuck in that for a while too, but man that gets old.Life is actually better not being chained to the past. Live free or die!