It's Fun! - Dispelling Myths About Anal Play
The term "anal play" includes any sexual activity involving the anal area from rubbing the anus with a finger, to using toys, to full penetrative anal sex. There are many myths and rumors floating around about anal play.
Here are the facts:
Anal sex does not make you gay! The biggest mental hang-up heterosexual men have about anal play is that it somehow makes them gay. Most men get amazing pleasure from anal play. Enjoying it does not mean you are a latent homosexual.
Anal sex feels good for the receiver as well as the giver! The anus is full of nerve endings. The anal cavity also gives indirect access to the prostate gland in men or the g-spot in women. It is just as common for the receiver of anal sex to orgasm as the giver.
Anal sex should not hurt! If either partner experiences pain during anal play, they are going about it in an unsafe way.
Anal sex is not demeaning! This one comes from the idea that anal sex has to be a man bent over a woman on her hands and knees, her enduring the pain for his pleasure. Not only is anal sex not painful and quite pleasurable, but there are plenty of positions for anal including the intimate missionary position.
Anal sex is not dirty! While many people get extreme pleasure out of anal sex because of it being socially taboo, it has been long practiced in many cultures both for pleasure and as a form of birth control.
Anal sex and AIDS are not synonymous! You can get HIV through oral and vaginal as well as anal sex, but all the methods of reducing your risk in vaginal sex can be applied to anal sex including engaging in only monogamous sex using condoms.
Communication
ALWAYS talk about anal play outside of bed first. In the bedroom, people feel vulnerable. Do not take advantage of this sense of open vulnerability to introduce the idea of anal play. Your partner will be unprepared to discuss how he or she feels about it and may feel a lot of pressure or panic.
Talk about exactly what you and your partner are comfortable with and when you want to start experimenting. Try out other forms of anal play before having anal sex. A little finger fun during oral sex or playing with anal toys is a good way to start out. You and your partner can see if anal play is something you like and if you want to go further with it.
Communicate during the act. Receivers should never be afraid of giving instructions like “slow down,” “back off a little,” or “more lube.” The giver should check in often with their partner and make sure they are feeling only good things. This is not just about physical comfort, but emotional and psychological comfort. Neither partner should feel at all uncomfortable about stopping everything for any reason.
Negative emotional feelings like guilt or fear are common, but unnecessary. Communication will help you to work through these things with your partner.
Relaxation
It is very important that the receiver of anal play is relaxed. Especially for beginners, make an evening out of it. Start out with a nice dinner to put time between the stressful work day and the playful evening.
In the bedroom, set an ambiance that is soothing. Start out with a clean atmosphere with no distractions. Turn off TVs, loud music, and phone ringers and make sure you will not be interrupted. Give yourselves lots of time.
Begin foreplay with massage. Keep up the sexual energy while kneading out tension.
Anal sex is easiest after the receiver has already had an orgasm. Use foreplay not only to sexually arouse your partner, but to give him or her a climax that will relax muscles even further.
Do not use alcohol or drugs to induce a relaxed state. One drink may be fine, but more than one will start to numb the receiver of anal sex to pain and make the giver less attentive and sensitive to their partner. Sensation altering drugs or alcohol can make anal play dangerous by altering the ability to feel pain.
Lubrication
Rub lube on the object of penetration whether it be a body part or a toy. Lube should be put not just on the tip, but all along the object of penetration. Rub lube all around the anus. Use massaging motions to lube up the area and push lube into the anal cavity. When you think you have used enough lube... use a little more. Keep your bottle of lube close by to re-apply when necessary.The biggest problem people have with anal play and it being painful is not using the right kind and right amount of lube.
The thicker and longer lasting, the better. The anal cavity is particularly sensitive to harsh ingredients that may be included in lubes with special features. Avoid lubes with added on features like warming or pleasure enhancing lubes. We recommend Slippery Stuff Gel, Jo H2O Anal, or any silicone based lubricants. Slippery Stuff has very few ingredients and dries with no residue never getting tacky or sticky. Silicone is thin, but long-lasting and very slick. Because silicone molecules are spherical, they roll over each other like ball bearings.
Condoms
Latex condoms are the most established and safest condoms available for anal sex. Polyurethane condoms are available in two forms for those with latex allergies; male and female. Female condoms have an inner ring that helps keep them in place during vaginal intercourse. Remove this ring for anal use. The female condom is recommended over male polyurethane condoms for anal sex because it is less likely to break due to its larger size and less likely to slip into the rectum because of the outer ring.
Using gloves keeps hands clean and smoothes out rough calluses and joints. Keep nails short and filed or, to protect against long nails, stuff cotton balls into the glove’s fingertips.
Dams, often used for cunnilingus, can also be used for rimming (oral sex on the anus, analingus). These are rectangular pieces of latex rubber that you spread over the vagina or anus to provide a barrier between the giver's mouth and the receiver's body. In a pinch, take a condom and cut it down the length for a makeshift dam.
Enemas & Anal Hygiene
Anal play can create a little mess. Waste does not enter the rectum until just before a bowel movement. The mess comes from small amounts of left over fecal matter mixing with lube. Many are not bothered by it and just wash up afterwards. Putting down a towel will avoid messing up the sheets. For those really bothered by the idea, you may feel more comfortable using a enema to clean out the anal cavity.
Enemas can be purchased at most pharmacies over the counter and are used to fill the anal cavity with water or a solution that washes out the area before being let out. Only use water enemas. Harsh chemicals and cleaning agents like bleach or vinegar can be harmful to the sensitive tissues of the anal cavity.
Avoiding Bacterial Infections
The anal cavity is very clean, but it does hold bacteria that can be harmful to other parts of the body. Once you use something on or in the anus, letting it come in contact with other parts of the body may lead to infection. The mouth, the vagina, and open wounds can all be negatively affected by anal bacteria. Do not under any circumstances go from anal play to vaginal play with the same object of penetration. Even a finger that has been used to stimulate the anus can carry bacteria over the vagina that can cause serious urinary tract infections.
Pain & Numbing
Anal play should never hurt. When it does, something is not going as it should. The pain indicates that something is stretching or tearing. The anal cavity is very sensitive. Injuries take a long time to heal and tend to be extremely painful. In severe cases, injuries require surgery and uncomfortable and embarrassing late night trips to the emergency room.
To be able to avoid injury, you have to know it is happening. To know it is happening, you have to be able to feel the pain.
This is why it is you should not use anything to numb pain during anal play. This includes all products containing numbing agents (like Anal Eaze) and other substances such as alcohol or drugs that dull the ability to feel pain.
While this is most important for the receiver of anal play, it is true of the giver too. The giver is responsible for paying attention and communication with his or her partner and looking for signs of injury such as blood. If the giver is not clear headed, he or she may not be able to concentrate on being sensitive to their partner's needs.
Anal Toys - A Quick Buying Guide
There are three main attributes of toys that are very important when choosing something for anal play.
Safe: For an anal toy to be safe, it must have something to keep it from entering completely into the rectum. Plugs should have a flared base. Beads should be on a strong cord with a durable handle. Toys with sharp ridges should not be used. Rough seams should be filed down.
Clean: Toys made out of non-porous materials like silicone, plastic, glass, or metal are better for anal play. These toys will not hold bacteria that increase the chance of infections. To keep toys extra clean, use condoms on them.
Pull vs. Electric Cords:Pull cords are strong strings designed for pulling toys out of the body (like with anal beads). Electric cords cover wires carrying electricity from the power source to the toy (like with bullet vibes). Electric cords should never be used as pull cords because they can come out of the toy. If this happens, the toy is lost wherever it has been inserted and delicate tissues become exposed to live wires.
Anal toys: have three main purposes; enhance orgasm, provide a sensation of fullness, or stimulate the g-spot or prostate gland through the anal cavity.
Beads: Anal beads are used to enhance orgasm. They can be inserted during foreplay and then pulled out just before or during climax to give a little extra edge to orgasms.
Plugs: Plugs are intended to give a sensation of fullness which many people really like. They come in different sizes and shapes, but most are smaller at the tip and wider towards the base to make them easier to put in.
Beaded Plugs: Some plugs are designed to give the sensation of fullness you get from a plug and are shaped to offer the orgasm enhancement properties of beads.
Prostate /G-Spot Stimulators: These toys are easily identified by their bent shape. The angle is intended to make it easier to get the toy to hit just the right spot and stimulate the prostate or G-spot.
