did you catch the new episode of dateline!!!
that goddamn gref el and his little brat set me up!!!
i know just one more and erica was in on it for sure.
and now that i think of it -- sally geepers was in on it too. 2 two.
they tried to snare me into their jacuzzi with his 4 month old brat and her pink and white fluffy floating arms!
a sure weakness for all pedophiles!!!
those rotten scoundrels!!!
damn!
i fell for the old arm floats trick - AGAIN!
first i found that little bitch online in an under one year - dating chat room. one i frequented often.
she went by the name of erica!
we chatted - you know, the basic stuff at first. you know, i'll chop your fucking head off, i'll shit in your neck -- kinda light stuff, then we got into the heavy henry and otis stuff. i finally couldn't stand my blue balls anymore so i got the nerve to ask erica for her addresssssssssssssssss.
she said something like gah gah, gooh gooh, and don't tell dah dah.
i promised not to. as i always dooooo.
i somehow managed to figure out the address from all that gooh gooing.
looking back - since it was in overtown, so. fl., i should have realized that just one more was in on it.
that racist bastard -- setting me up to talk like them foul talkin' niggers!!!
right just one more?
anyway...
i promised to change her shit filled diapers as soon as i scared the shit out of her!
but first i had to mush it around in my hands a bit.
you know baby shit is softer than a speeding locomotive.
when i arrived in overtown, that little bitch was calling me from the jacuzzi.
i could smell fried chicken and chitlins. i should have known it was a just one more set-up, but my unrelenting desire for under ones was too strong, just too strong. i thought -- i'd get me some help, but first...
just one more.
i dropped my drawers and headed towards the pool.
the damn cameras were rolling and that mother fucker chris hansen and his goddamn nightmarish of a hairdo was all i found.
thank god!!! toonces the cat had accompanied me there.
i heard giggling.
it was greg and his brat, they were hiding under a chair.
i grabbed that little brat, and bullets began to fly.
i took off to where toonces was waitin' for me.
bullets flying every where -- i managed to jump into toonces getaway car.
i used little erica as my shield. man she is one tough bitch.
those bullets were bouncing off her chest and she was catching them in her baby teeth too!!!
no shit!!!
we hauled ass in toonces brand new 1964 mustang fastback.
it was red! my favorite color.
gotta love toonces.
man that car hauls ass. and with toonces behind the wheel -- i knew it wouldn't be long before we'd get back to japan and avoid criminal prosecution...
for a fleeting moment -- i must admit -- i should have stuck around those 13 year old bald cuders and kept well enough alone -- supposedly legal little bitches. and all this time i thought the legal age was 20. @#$% %
so many bald cuders, so little time. sigh!
but, toonces knew damn well, that i loved tight little pussy.
we had once been lovers. but, that was a long, long time ago. when toonces was just a kitten. and before toonces knew how to drive.
my hold over toonces had been strong. toonces wanted to help me have my way with little erica.
toonces had google searched the internet, combing for any information toonces could find to help me get greg's little brat.
but for now...
we hit the road, tires sqeelin' and leavin' a puff of smoke.
so. fl. hillbilly cops, and cocaine cowboys unable to keep up.
somewhere across the desert... i saw a sign.
amber alert.
i asked toonces who the hell amber was.
toonces didn't know.
i said -- you find out. i want to cut that bitches head off too.
toonces laughed and gave me a high paw.
i said -- toonces and me and baby makes three.
toonces laughed and said -- wish we had just one more, so baby make four.
i said if greg was in the trunk and just barely alive, that would make five.
toonces said, if we had sally geepers that would make six.
ha ha.
that toonces - always did have a good sense of humor. humour.
--
suddenly toonces took a bullet to the head.
the goddamn cops were all over the overpasses and blocking expressways exits.
toonces got shot in the head 7 times. but, kept on goin'.
what a trooper!!!
anyway, before we could cross over to our secret tunnel that led from lost vegas to tokyo -- the goddamn cops shot out the right front tire -- we went rolling into a fiery heep, smack dab in the middle of the desert. man, we must have rolled over 2 dozen times.
i used little erica as my personal air bag.
we rolled and we rolled.
seemed like almost forever.
then we suddenly stopped. upside down.
i always did like bottoms up.
haha.
but i'll be damned -- i never did spill a single drop of my vodka gimlet.
little four month old erica was a bit purple and blue. but she seemed fine.
good enough condition for me to give her a go, right there in the middle of a full blown BLOWN shoot out.
me and erica had been thrown 4000 feet and i landed on my feet. erica landed bottoms up -- gotta love it!
toonces didn't survive the crash though.
i tied erica's arms and legs around me, and ran to the vehicle.
we were taking some pretty good heat, that bitch was a great bullet proof vest.
i finally made it to the overturned mustang.
i looked on in sheer horror as the flames began to eat away at toonces flesh.
toonces never let out a single meow! never once made a cat call.
i said toonces - free yourself. but, toonces just couldn't. toonces hind legs were crushed and pinned beneath the dashboard.
oh, the horror!
i tried to use that tough little brat to break the window.
i pounded the windshiled again and again, and again and again.
to no avail.
that little brat was tough, but that windshield was too tough for that little brats head, which split open like a rotten grapefruit.
suddenly, i could here toonces -- "my nine lives are over and its time for me to meet that big pussy in the sky. i'm just hoping that i'm not dyslexic about all things god!!!"
and that it really isn't a goddamn big mutt waitin' in the clouds.
toonces pawed the window and wrote -- i love you stack. i really do.
oh, toonces.
if i wasn't psychopathetic, and schizo, i might be able to find the same emotions in me.
but, i am cold, hard and calculated.
but, i do like you very very very very much.
goodbye. for now my feline friend.
good bye.
i'm gonna miss you.
someday we'll be reunited.
suddenly...
the bullets rained down from the sky.
helicopters.
that son of a bitch 3.5 and his murderous platoon, were out to get me.
i shouted - wasn't all the women and kids you raped, robbed and murdered in iraq enough for you?
he shouted back -- you wouldn't last 3.5 minutes in my world.
i said -- welcome to mine muther fucker...
that little brat starting screaming shoot him. shoot him.
i said i didn't have a gun.
i only use blades.
she said, not you HIM!!!
i then realized that this fucking brat was a stunt baby and more powerful than any load i spewed in its mouth.
i held that baby up like an umbrella, and let those bullets rain down.
i made my way to the secret tunnel that would take me back to japan.
this time - little erica would be mine. all mine!
next day - greg was all over the news.
he was hyper-ventilating, but his mommy was doing all the talking.
she was pleading for me to release little erica.
but, it was too late. i had my way with her again and again and again and finally got bored.
but not before i taught her many new japanese words. words like --glorb, splorg, ummphf, slurp, slop, glop. goo and gooey load.
i shipped her off to a north korea spy camp, to be brainwashed. but, it turns out it was the same camp that had secretly trained art barker for his war on kids in amerikkka.
that fucker.
little erica was soon back in greg's flailing arms. but that asshole was still hyperventilating.
damn it!
i won't fall for that north korea counter spy ring bullshit again.
my next deviate plan against the youth of amerikka will take on a whole new dimension of insanity and psychosis.
you fucking cunts.
