Author Topic: I'm Sorry; Can I Start Over?  (Read 818 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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I'm Sorry; Can I Start Over?
« on: July 25, 2009, 10:02:07 AM »
Ok.

I'm sorry I said all those psychopathetic things about Art Barker, Libby, her husband, Shelly and John Underwood.

I really mean it!

I want to make amends with Greg and everyone else that I hurt so terribly too. OK?

First, I'll start by re-attaching Barker's severed head to his neck. I tried to use super glue, and a lot of it, but the damn stuff only stuck my fingers together. It doesn't seem to work on necks and severed heads.

I tried to use scotch tape, and it looked quite convincing, but Underwood came along and gave Barker's lifeless corpse a pat on the back, saying "how's it hangin' - you perverted old bastard," but the head came tumbling off.

I cleaned it up a bit with spit and a rag.

Finally, I shoved a spike in his neck and lodged the head onto the neck with a sledge hammer. A few twists and turns, and it looked nearly convincing. The sledge hammer made some nasty indentations though, so I had to use some silly putty to fill in the gaping wounds.

A few wrappings of duct tape around the neck seemed to hold it together pretty well. It was a bit lop-sided, I gave it some more whacks with the sledge hammer, but I couldn't get the head to look like it wasn't hacked off. So... I propped him up in the corner of the room, and put on a black turtle neck sweater, and rolled up the sleeves so everybody could see his army hero tattoo. It's pretty damn hot for a turtle neck, but maybe nobody will notice.

If you squint your eyes, and give a quick glance, you'd never know the difference.

I looped a recording of Barker's voice saying -- Luv Ya Too!

All quite convincing.

I put a cucumber wrapped in tin-foil in his shit filled, and sagging old man pants. For good effect.

He looks like he always did. Like a complete incompetent, impotent, ugly little man, that never amounted to anything.

But, I gotta tell ya, all those army medallions he "earned." Boxes, of 'em.

I didn't find any, so I put a big red S on his chest, and took a bunch of Disney kid gold stars and stuck 'em to his chest.

And, I'll be goddamn if he didn't look like a real, honest to goodness war hero - severed neck and all!!!

Next, I reattached Shelly's sagging breasts and filled in the deep gashes with silly putty.  Man that shit does a hell of a lot more than just copy the Sunday funny pages!

Since I never actually finished murdering her, she said I did a pretty good job, and actually her teets don't sag nearly as badly as they did before. But, like Barker's head, they too remained a bit lop-sided.

I hugged Libby, and she gave me a free dog washing coupon, and asked for a 50k donation. I didn't have 50k, but I knew of an organization that had 3, and asked her if she'd like to pay them a visit. I told her I could arrange it any time. She declined. I asked her if she still had my sister's stolen clothes, and she said she wore them out long ago, but would find a retro-pair of hip huggers, at Targets, and be sure to mail them to my sister.

I said, OK since you already have her address.

My sister said all is well that ends well, and her and Libby hugged.

They both saw that Barker appeared to have some wood in his pants and they both said; "Is that a tin foil wrapped cucumber in your shit filled, old man saggy pants or are you happy to see me!" Barker responded "Luv ya too!"

FInally, I unlocked the door that Greg's daughter had been confined in, with Barker's stinking corpse and she ran like hell.

So, I'm not sure how she's feeling about all this.

Greg ran like hell too when I began to approach him. Apparently, he didn't believe that I was a changed man.

And I won't go on a Rush Limbaugh rant any more about what a piece of shit that guy really is.

I won't mention that he lived on food stamps, and purchased illegal drugs for years, until he was busted.

And we won't dare mention Bill O' the Clown either.

And we won't mention the rights -- take your freedom agenda either... "Give up your 1st, 4th and 6th amendment rights, so we can have a safe and secure nation and call it the Patriot Act!

--

On another note.

Is barker a midget, a dwarf or a pygmy?

I never could tell.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Re: I'm Sorry; Can I Start Over?
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2009, 10:25:53 AM »
LOL, but what about john under pants???? :twofinger:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Re: I'm Sorry; Can I Start Over?
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2009, 11:49:56 PM »
johnny u. got eaten by the gay turds, so i'm waiting for them to shit, so i can try and put him back together.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Re: I'm Sorry; Can I Start Over?
« Reply #3 on: July 26, 2009, 12:20:14 AM »
spin agin fin fans.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »