wow i really was sick when i had to eat those sandwiches that had no value whats so ever, i remember walking in one of those boxes they called an office, and the staff was not eating what we ate. they could never have lived on those sandwiches like we were expected to, sick, i was such a skinny kid already and lost so much weight from that place, i have pictures somewhere i will look for them i looked bad, like bones. So sad when i was so active with sports, one thing to be skinny but to be under nourished, and back then i was a vegetarian,so all i would eat was that peanut butter crap. i bet had i been there longer i would have been put in a hospital for malnutrition,( I should have seen a doctor for as thin as i was looking at those pictures now) how sad how very very sad, not to mention i no longer would ever see my swim teams, nor my diving team, i was a high diver too looking forward to maybe joining the Olympics was my dream back then, whether i was good enough or not i had a dream to go to the Olympics, not your typical druggie dream huh?
So sad when i think of what if , what if i did get to go to the Olympics??? Instead of being in a hard chair that may have caused damage as far as i am concerned. What if??? wow, I think all adults involving themselves in any program such as this should think about what they will be into years later, as now it is my turn to heal again, and healing this way will make it even better i hope, in other words no my tears, unless it is for laughter to which i so love. No thanks to the seed, as i do not remember any laughter at all in that place, but i do remember Mida, the one they wanted me scared of, after all mida was bigger meaner and started over and over so she was their baddest of all, ( she was also in and out of jail so she was suppose to be scary how lame is that)( imagine trying to use an inmate to scare someone that's what they were doing to me with mida, so they thought) and i so love mida for being and remaining sane through out those horrible days, all the times they started her over or myself they never broke our souls, because she taught me how to go to a special place in our minds with her, and i still to this day go to that place and i smile, and i thank God Mida was there , but i wished she had never had to go to that place, its a selfish feeling i feel guilty knowing i was glad she was there, i know i would not have made it other wise.I feel guilty at times because if felt like i was selfish looking forward to seeing her daily, its a terrible thing to want your friends freedom , but at same time i wanted her with me, she protected my soul, she kept me from wanting to hurt myself, and she kept me from losing my mind. I am sorry i do not know where she is today, sure wish i had a way just to know she is ok, because all she needed was someone like me who loved her, cared about her, talk to her, so what if she was wild, you would be wild too if you were in a cage and not allowed to leave.You would be wild if you had a kid that you so loved and they took from you,and then daily used against you to yell at you scream vulgar things at you for what, if you want to help someone its not torture trust me,you will only create a monster if you do, mida was not a monster like you all made her out to be. For one she was beautiful in looks and in voice, she was Spanish so you all really raged bad on her, i hated that, i think it was first time i saw with eyes prejudice shit going on. A concentration camp for boys and girls, as we were indeed children and held against our will, i had bruises and all kinds of crap happen to me, if i came home from school with bruises i had from that place some shit would have happened, but no one was allowed to see my bruises so who would ever believe me, now that i was a druggie in writing to them??? Peace to all, I so am in tears, but for all the tears that fall, think of all the tears that still are falling today from other kids like us in places like this, it still goes on. Its not a proper way to make money. Peace again.
