I misspoke in relation to over eating. What I meant to say was that when you first start eating is a choice, or eating an extra desert now and then is a choice. For people like your GF, that definitely sounds like it is not a choice. I didn't mean to belittle Overeaters Anonymous in any way and apologize for suggesting that in any way. I realize my statement came across really bad. Because who would choose to be like that?
Maybe they don't see themselves accurately and feel such methods deal effectively with their problems. Lots of reasons one might choose to abuse substances (even food). It feels good, and lots of people think more about the short term and not enough about the long term... lots of reasons... however consuming excess food in itself is not a disease.
If it was as easy as switching a mental button on or off, then people would do so as soon as they recognize a problem. Yet we persist in our self destructive behaviors even when we know what we are doing is going to kill us.
That's a choice. Some people want to die but just aren't brave enough to commit suicide... so they do it slowly. There are a myriad of reasons. Many of them causes, some of them diseases... but drug abuse is a symptom, not a disease in itself.
We live in a time of relative excess and the science of addiction is still relatively new. We have excess alcohol, drugs, food, tobacco, and gambling. In the future they might even refer to this as the "time of excess". When our biggest killer become a disease caused by eating unhealthy foods and inactivity and smoking
And those things are choices, not disease in themselves, though those *behaviors* can cause diseases (dangerous weight gain, heart attacks, lung cancer, etc...). I smoke cigarettes. Why? because it feels good, is a stimulant that keeps me sharp, etc... I know it might kill me, but what the fuck.. gotta die someday. That's a
choice.
I know people want to believe they are in full control of their life. Some have an extreme desire to convince themselves of this and start heretical cults to garner supporters to confirm their egotistical and arrogant claims of complete control. Some of us know we aren't fully in control, it takes losing control despite your best efforts to realize you are not in full control.
Of course people aren't in full control of their lives (that's lifespring / est / Scientology / human potential movement). People are, however, in full control of
their own actions. Sure there are desires for substances, but none of them overpower free will. You can't argue in court that you killed somebody because you really really needed money for smack. You can't argue you killed somebody driving drunk because you couldn't control yourself not to drink and drive. The courts realize people are responsible for their actions and there is significant evidence addiction is not a disease, much less one that absolves people of personal responsibility for their actions (supreme court ruled this, writing in 1988 "a substantial body of medical literature that even contests the proposition that alcoholism is a disease, much less that it is a disease for which the victim bears no responsibility ... Indeed, even among many who consider alcoholism a "disease" to which its victims are genetically predisposed, the consumption of alcohol is not regarded as wholly involuntary.").
At the time (shortly after program), I thought she truly had a "disease" over which she was powerless over so I didn't bother to encourage her that she could control herself, or to suggest an alternative... hindsight is 20/20
Well what would you suggest as an alternative?
Therapy to improve self image. Anything to help the girl see herself as she is: beautiful inside and out. She wasn't fat by any means... she just thought herself that way. All OA does is to teach people that they have a lifelong disease that they are powerless over, which is bullshit since so many people with eating disorders grow out of it (the vast, vast, majority). All OA does is to create meeting addicts who becomes obsessed with their problem to the point where it becomes their identity. It's fucking nuts.
The treatment centers for eating disorders are not created on another planet, they are very similar to drug treatment centers. What if a person starves themselves to the point at being at risk of death? Would you still not support forced treatment for this person? Would you let a loved one starve to death if they were anorexic, and that was their intention or direction?
If that was their desire, yes. I would, however try to talk a person into getting help, etc. However the ultimate choice is up to them. I believe even AA teaches you can't help a person unless they want help.
How exactly would you of "encouraged her that she could control herself"? That sounds like the same things some of the "alternative" adolescent treatment centers do (non medical based).
No, programs generally tell kids they are powerless. If you know of a program that does not teach that, i'd be fascinated.