The Rap

[Anonymous]

reposting some of this, the Lifton stuff, on my cedu pages:

http://liamscheff.com/daily/2008/08/22/ ... mment-8591

[try another castle]

OP: tl;dr

[Anonymous]

Another memory -

The sex aspect now coming into memory like an angry ghost! I don't know if you were writing from an RMA experience, because actually having sex at Cedu CA meant you weren't coming back, at least during the late 80s/early 90s. They didn't play lightly with that - it was so much of their control mechanism - the purgation of our hormones.

I absolutely remember with painful clarity of feeling - that sex was considered the dirtiest, most self-debasing activity you could permit yourself to do - that it came out of "thinking"; that it was not healthy or normal - that the impulse to normal, age-appropriate sexual experience was disgraceful and really quite sinful, and that it had to be shared publicly in the raps, and purged.

That was absolutely imperative to their control of our behavior.

Man, that one really gets me to this day. There are girls I think I love to this day, in some way, trapped in memory, who I've never gotten to simply say that to them,  that I was crazy about them, or just really liked them. Well.... I'll write a couple of letters:

"Dear so-and-so,

How are you? Yes, that's right, we went to crazy camp together, 10 million years ago. So, listen, I just wanted to tell you what I never got to say: I was just so moved by you in highschool, but never got to say so because of the nazi camp counselors and their insanity-making rules. But the truth is, I thought you were truly lovely and even wonderfully, terribly beautiful at times, and funny, and charming, and sweet, and I wish I'd gotten to tell you then. What for? Who knows.

No, it wouldn't have worked out! No, we wouldn't have gotten married, or probably even have gone out for long, if we did. I'm not much of a 'dater.' But still, your presence often got me through difficult days, and your effortless Ariadne-like beauty inspired many poetic thoughts...

And some you might find not so poetical, and typically male, and probably pretty gross. My apologies. (What are you gonna do? Men. We're animals.)

Hope you're doing well, very best wishes.

Your friend from 1,000 years ago, in a situation under duress."

There you go. For the record. You know who you are. If you don't, well. Write me, and I'll send you this letter.

[Anonymous]

wow! i am glued to your words liam!!

[blownawaytheidahoway]

Reading it through, it's really excellent, very good. I've reposted the second half at my blog as well in the Synanon-Cedu thread:
http://liamscheff.com/daily/2008/08/22/ ... mment-8325

If you'd like more (or less) credit or exposure, let me know. But this is very skilled, well-remembered and carefully and clearly told - I'd like to ask you to write me at my standard email [ liamscheff [at] yahoo.com ]. As I consider putting together a book, or interview text, I'd like to talk w/you about including this.

This and a couple other pieces at fornits really keep coming back to me. There's Son of Serbia's re-telling of a confrontation with adult male staff - Mr. Bentz and Bonanno, I believe - in the Discovery family room. I've written him, but don't think I've been able to persuade him to really write me back...

In any case, this is really excellent. Please drop me a line.

Liam I'm sorry I called you an asshole. I'm sorry I called Liam an asshole. I was concerned that Liam was not doing what he said he would do, and I was wrong. I don't know him, but I now trust him. Great job on your interview project, Liam! They're convincing and real without melodrama. Thanks for doing the work.