Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > CAN ~ Collective Action Network

Outside World or Real World

(1/2) > >>

I am just wondering how many of you heard, "when you get into the outside world..." when you were in treatment? Since I was in a highly secure facility, we all used to just look at each other and laugh quietly. We could not even see the outside world, much less worry about it. We sometimes saw it on TV, but we could not see the outside world. I remain agoraphobic to this day.

We were all too busy hoping not to get punished, for something we had no idea was punishable. There was no real rule book, so people would get punished when revealing some newly made up sin. We all know about that. The outside world thing still brings up that cynical laugh in me. We all knew we were there until insurance ran out, which was usually 2-3 years.

Typically it was just referred to as the 'world', with a nasty kind of emphasis on the word, like it was dirty.  They were right, some of it is, but they were also wrong, some of it is beautiful, picturesque, serene, and happy.  Idiots.  Life is what you make it, when you are the one in control.

This was more in the sense of "if you were in the real world...". Basically, if you did something they felt was wrong, then you were told, "In the real world...". It meant that you still were not ready for regular life and they were going to punish you somehow (a few days in five point restraints, a level drop, and/or some sort of isolation. We all know those are regular punishments in the real world, right? NOT. I was thinking about my life the other day in regards to treatment and it bears no resemblance to anything they were theoretically preparing me for. Treating someone who isolates by putting them isolation is really a contradiction. By isolation you need to understand that you sit in a chair facing a wall and are allowed to use the bathroom every two hours. You eat alone, stare at a wall (usually in your room), use the bathroom every two hours. You do that for 16 hours a day for up to 9 months or a year. That is not anything that is going to prepare you for the so-called "real world". So my words to the program I was in are, "Thanks for the agoraphobia!".

We had a lock up room.  All it had was a little blue mat.  You got locked in & the bathroom trips were infrequent.  They piped in sermons recorded from when Lester Roloff was alive.  Hours & hours of it.  

We weren't allowed to talk about 'the world'.  People, places, music, art, books, anything that was secular. You absolutely could not talk about the past.  You could forget about cleanliness for a while...which itself is a bit of a contradiction if, in fact, "Cleanliness is Godliness..."  We were often told about how we wouldn't make it in 'the world'  Guess what?  They were wrong...I'm doing just fine.  

I won't make it big where I work, I lack the skills to lie, cheat & deceive my way to the top there...but I'm not too upset about that.  I've done as much as I can to show them that the job can be done honestly, without all the BS, and still be done well.  Whether they choose to pay attention to what I've shown them is up to them.  It's just about time to move along.

I've been taken advantage of, I've had my heart broken, normal life circumstances that I was utterly unprepared for by Roloff or my ultra Christian family.  None of what I was told would happen to me in 'the world' has happened like they said it was going to.  I haven't any words for them, only anger.  I will do all I can to prevent other children from being harmed by them & their ilk; regardless of what label they operate under, abusers are abusers and they have to be stopped & held accountable for their actions.


Don't get me wrong. I am happy with where my life is going. I am looking at moving away from TX again. I am not sure where since my money situation is tight. I make jewelry, people like it. I like making it. I also do web design, digital art, and write. Those are not "real jobs", but I am getting by and I love what I am doing. Psy has helped me get back to creating and vice verse. Three are great people here. I just wish I could walk beyone my comfort zone.


[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version