Here are some of my thoughts/memories about KHK and how I wanted to get away throughout all of the phases.
You know I got to thinking today and I thought maybe I wasn't entirely brainwashed by second phase. It was 1986-87. Yeah, mainly I was brainwashed, but I remember so many times through those damn phases where I wanted out so much. I would look out the window at school on third and at home on second and while I did phones on fourth phase at the building. I remember on third phase looking out the school bus window and wanting to be free so bad. I remember having a weekend pass on fifth phase and not wanting to go back. I wanted to talk to girls, like a normal person. I wanted to look at girls without the deep sense of guilt and without having to stand up in a group of sixty and confess to an inappropriate thought about a girl only to get blown away. I think I just really believed that I could not escape and if I tried to run I would just end up started over. They did brainwash me to believe I was a piece of shit and a serious drug addict but I still wanted out. I just never thought I could get away and no one would believe me or help me. It's a weird combination, being brainwashed while going through a time in life when you should be forming an identity. I like to think that some part of me was there the whole time just waiting for the day when I could get away from that shit. Weird how I graduated and worked on staff for a bit, really believing that I, as a 16 year old kid, could save people from the disease of addiction. Hell, I went to AA for a year after I was ostracised. I really believed that shit. I think I might have actually gone back to support the group a few times afterwards, but don't quote me on that.
As I think about the kids in PFC, I wonder if they could ever believe that there is an out. If I would have been approached by someone (on any phase) and told that there is a way out, I seriously might have taken it. I surely would have when I got set back to day one (which my memory has provided me with at least three times I was started over, possibly more).
Back to 2008, A kid at KHK/PFC who is on staff now says he is a big fan of George Ross and that he knows him and that he lives in Lexington now. I was amazed to hear this from a kid who now is working for...PFC. If you don't want to see STRAIGHT techniques, don't go to a PFC protest. Apparently, Ross has a book or two and the kid has been encouraged[sic] to read them.
Just once, I would like to walk into group and have the legal authority to explain the rights that the kids have and ask them "would anyone like to leave PFC forever?" It would be nice to be able to explain to them that what they may think is treatment is actually not scientifically supported and illegal. Basically, I would like to educate them and allow them an out. I guarantee I would have taken that out on many occasions regardless of my status in there. I just never believed there was that out.
