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Author Topic: My Program Journal  (Read 1973 times)

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Offline psy

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My Program Journal
« on: October 13, 2008, 11:33:30 AM »
This was written soon after i broke.  Thought you might find it interesting.  This wasn't written to staff or anything.  I wrote this in a journal.  I really believed this shit at the time.  I thought I was lying and didn't even know it (as i was told: Denial stands for "Don't even know I am lying").  I thought I didn't even know my real identity.  I thought I was a lie (wearing masks) and they could tell me the truth about who I was.  I was totally mind raped.  Here is one page as a teaser (more to be released soon)...  I might redact some stuff about other people for some audiences in the full version, but it should be mostly complete.

Read here

Feel free to comment
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Benchmark Young Adult School - bad place [archive.org link]
Sue Scheff Truth - Blog on Sue Scheff
"Our services are free; we do not make a profit. Parents of troubled teens ourselves, PURE strives to create a safe haven of truth and reality." - Sue Scheff - August 13th, 2007 (fukkin surreal)

Offline Anonymous

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Re: My Program Journal
« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2008, 08:14:17 PM »
SAD.

but u should try typing it up..i can only make out bits of it...
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Offline psy

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Re: My Program Journal
« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2008, 08:19:24 PM »
Quote from: "asdf"
SAD.

but u should try typing it up..i can only make out bits of it...

My handwriting was a mess at the time under the stress (even worse than normal).  I want to reflect that.  As the journal progresses, the handwriting gets progressively worse and erratic.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Benchmark Young Adult School - bad place [archive.org link]
Sue Scheff Truth - Blog on Sue Scheff
"Our services are free; we do not make a profit. Parents of troubled teens ourselves, PURE strives to create a safe haven of truth and reality." - Sue Scheff - August 13th, 2007 (fukkin surreal)

Offline Anonymous

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Re: My Program Journal
« Reply #3 on: October 13, 2008, 08:36:13 PM »
Quote from: "psy"
Quote from: "asdf"
SAD.

but u should try typing it up..i can only make out bits of it...

My handwriting was a mess at the time under the stress (even worse than normal).  I want to reflect that.  As the journal progresses, the handwriting gets progressively worse and erratic.

I'm very ill right now. With a trick-load of surgery dumped on me. I can't focus...the only thing to do is get my health back, or I'd be doing more right NOW...But if you like, i can send you a Cedu kid's "diary."

the diary has this kid's cedu inserted autobiography. It's total fantasy, FORCED into him/her by the sickos at cedu.

If there is a miracle, they'll pay for what they did..in the future, when my body isn't a punchline in an unentertaining theater of cruelty
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Offline Che Gookin

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Re: My Program Journal
« Reply #4 on: October 13, 2008, 09:04:53 PM »
Hmmm... we should get as many of these diaries archived as possible. That was a hard read in more ways than one. Setting aside the issues with the penmanship the journal is quite thought provoking.

I have to say though when I saw you down at Benchmark you held it together pretty well. Matching the person I saw then with the person I'm reading about in the journals is a bit difficult. Though I suppose time does help smooth over some of the rough spots.
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Offline Anonymous

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Re: My Program Journal
« Reply #5 on: October 14, 2008, 03:07:53 PM »
Quote from: "psy"
Quote from: "asdf"
SAD.

but u should try typing it up..i can only make out bits of it...

My handwriting was a mess at the time under the stress (even worse than normal).  I want to reflect that.  As the journal progresses, the handwriting gets progressively worse and erratic.

u should do both. the original above and the transcription below.

sigh. Needless suffering
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Offline Anonymous

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Re: My Program Journal
« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2008, 12:10:29 PM »
that looks like a carbon copy of every restriction folder at HLA.
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Offline psy

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Re: My Program Journal
« Reply #7 on: October 15, 2008, 12:24:26 PM »
Quote from: "hello"
that looks like a carbon copy of every restriction folder at HLA.
Restriction folder?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Benchmark Young Adult School - bad place [archive.org link]
Sue Scheff Truth - Blog on Sue Scheff
"Our services are free; we do not make a profit. Parents of troubled teens ourselves, PURE strives to create a safe haven of truth and reality." - Sue Scheff - August 13th, 2007 (fukkin surreal)

Offline 3xsaSeedling

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Re: My Program Journal
« Reply #8 on: October 15, 2008, 01:32:22 PM »
more, please...sir.
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Of all the things I\'ve ever lost, I miss my mind the most.
Wait...I found \'IT\'!!    
oh joy

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Offline Anonymous

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Re: My Program Journal
« Reply #9 on: October 15, 2008, 09:32:17 PM »
a restriction folder.

At HLA, while being under the "consequenced" schedule, as in, being punished, aka restrictions, you were given a folder with blank sheets of paper and dumb questions such as:
How are you feeling?
how do you think your peer group feels about what you did?
what made you do that?
what do you plan on doing one off restrictions?
what are you thinking?

etc.

you had to write a page or two on each question, and complete all questions every night. no body every wrote anything real, it was all bullshit becouse they were either pretending to go along, or actually brainwashed into thinking that way temporarily.
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Offline dishdutyfugitive

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Re: My Program Journal
« Reply #10 on: October 16, 2008, 12:11:21 AM »
Yes Psy - that is some good ol' fashion syanonic mind warpage.

I've been to the parent's house a few times in the last 3 years and planned on unearthing my RMA souvenirs. I end up passing on it everyt ime.

I think, "What in the fuck could I possibly want to find in there"?
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Offline Anonymous

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Re: My Program Journal
« Reply #11 on: October 16, 2008, 12:22:21 AM »
I'd be interested in reading its deconstruction by people who are versed in thought coercion.

I'd give it a try, but it's too depressing
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Offline iamartsy

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Re: My Program Journal
« Reply #12 on: October 16, 2008, 01:11:40 AM »
I think i have some writings like that around here. I was a bit too reserved to ever enjoy being torn apart by others, but I wrote what I thought they might want to hear. The intrusive bastards had threatened to read my journal. ginger
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Offline Che Gookin

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Re: My Program Journal
« Reply #13 on: October 16, 2008, 03:45:24 AM »
Again I voice the opinion that we should get as many of these journals scanned and hosted on fornits as possible. I say this for two reasons.

First, this type of material(including journals restriction folders and etc) isn't the kind of thing programs want advertised. The content alone reveals what mean spirited shit holes programs are.

Second, preparing these sorts of material along with photo graphs, film clips, and articles can present the most persuasive arguement we can possibly muster outside of stuffing a parent in a program for a few weeks to let them see how it is for themselves.

I wouldn't suggest a wiki style format, but definitely a dewey chatham howe sort of page with someone really dedicated to keeping it looking smart and well organized.

As for the journals and restriction folders and can't remember what we calle them at the Valley redact the names and such to protect the identity of the owner.
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Offline Anonymous

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Re: My Program Journal
« Reply #14 on: October 16, 2008, 01:44:33 PM »
Yeah str8 had the  famous "moral inventory" (ironic,no?), which was some gooble about things you were supposed to change ,i.e. how youd fucked up today.
I literally had a 20in x 24in cardboard box full of the fucking things,and the blue paper diploma thingy you got when you 7 stepped(graduated) anyhoo,I burned all that shit 6 or 7 years ago along with a bunch of court documents,probation documents and such,I found it somehow liberating.
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