"Hello?"
"Hello, sir", Said Psy as he clutched the phone, palms sweaty with anxiety as he attempts to gauge what type of parent is on the other end of the line.
"Who is this? Do I know you?", the parent responded, curious if this might be their recently departed son.
"This is Michael, I work for a forum called FOR-NITS", spouted Michael.
"Uh..uhmm.. okay. What do you want, Michael?" responded the annoyed and impatient parent.
"I am calling you today because your son just posted an SOS on my forum. He gave me your phone number to call in case he was sent away again. I am calling you to respectfully inform you of the bad choice you have made. In my opin.. "
"How DARE you! Who do you think you are? !" Screamed the angry parent, now foaming at the mouth.
"Well. Like I said, I am an administrator on a forum called FOR-NITS"
"FOR-WHAT?"
"For-NITS, sir. Please. This is serious business, I need you to listen to me carefully. Your son, right now-this very moment- has a finger in his anus hole. "
"WHAT!!??" screamed the frantic parent.
"I regret to inform you sir, but your son is a victim of multiple cases of UFIA" explains Michael.
"What is a You-Fi-Ah" asks the now confused parent.
Michael responds despite his embarrassment in the situation, "It stands for unsolicited finger in anus. Your son told me people like to stick their fingers in his anus. All the way up it. Sometimes entire fists even. "
"My GOD!!" screamed the now panicking parent. "What am I going to do?! I had no idea my son was in so much trouble!"
"It's okay sir, your son will be ok." Said michael attempting to calm the situation.
"How will he be ok?! He has had god-knows-how many unsolicited fingers in his anus... " The parents voice trembles with sadness and fear "I really had no idea. I am such an idiot."
Michael, realizing his goal is near attempts to close the sale. "You might be an idiot, but not all parents expect their kid to suffer from UFIA. It's really not that uncommon these days. The sad truth is, we all suffer from a little UFIA now and then. It's important not to overreact and send your child..."
"Wait a second!! How dare you call me an idiot!!" Interrupts the now fuming parent. Michael senses he has gone to far,
"But I didn't mean it in an offensive way sir, please.."
"NO!" says the parent. "I don't care if my kid has a million UFIA, he is not coming home!"
Click.
"Hello, sir?" "Hello, are you there sir"?"
Michael hangs up the phone, discouraged in his inability to convince another parent to save their kid from UFIA abuse.
