'Hooked' On a Feeling...

[Carmel]

I agree...however, if you think about it, I also mentioned that for every otherwise healthy experience that may take place under these circumstances, i.e., when i was younger (15-18) I was involved with several people quite a bit older than myself which proved to be healthy exchanges, most of which I still am involved in to this day as an adult (not sexually of course, but these people continue to be a part of my life as friends).........how many "unhealthy" relationships are formed as well?  i.e. situations that this NAMBLA site seems to be a hot-bed for......that was all I was trying to say.

Speaking from personal experience, its entirely possible to have certain relationships, even sexual ones, with older people and have them be a positive addition to your life.  Molestation, rape, and similar non-consentual sexual abuse...is NOT okay.  I was sexually abused as a very young child, why would I think that it was okay?  

I defend some of my choices that I made at that age, because I know that some of them were healthy, and I wont discount myself and agree that even though I may view these choices as positive, that they are to be grouped into any and all abusive categories due to my age at that the time...that is simply untrue.  

At the same time, the negativity that results from these sorts of situations can be equally devastating and unhealthy, I have experienced that side of the coin too (as I mentioned above, I defend SOME of my decisions)...but I understand that there is a difference.

[ClayL]

I have to agree with Carmel on this one. Assigning an age does indeed discount the individual. It like those much maligned one size fits all "Zero Tollerence" laws. Take this into account, my wife had just turned 18 when I met her, I was 27. Using the one size fits all mentality, I'm a pervert. While this may indeed be the case, I do not consider myself that kind of pervert and go out of my way to track down the ones I occasionally find on the internet and report them. I consider them the only thing worse than a politician.

That being said, I think there is an absolute cut off point to discretion. I would say pre-puberty, but studies are showing that some girls are starting puberty as early as 10. I don't think any 10 year old has any conception (No pun) of the consequences of sex or anyone should encourage sexual activity. Eewww, gross. This begs the question though, what age would be okay. I would guess this, for me, would change depending on if you were talking about my daughter or not.

I think herein lies the truth. I don't think this is for governemt to mandate, but for parents to educate there children about. So many parents are so into themselves and don't know enough about this subject themselves, the state school systems get the responsibility thrown back at them. Here in SC, our state has mandated abstinence based sex-ed. Talk about a mixed message! Sex and being sexy is being flashed constantly at the adolescent raging hormones and what do they get for education? Don't have pre-marital sex or you'll explode! But, if you do, here's how to use a condom... WTF?!

I tend to think repressing these changes and discouraging experimentation will lead to malformed ideas about sex and sexuality. I think this kind of approach lacks honesty. Damn near all these kids can read. (Notice I didn't say all.) They will find out about the sexual revolutions of the 1960's and 1970's. They will find out that our generation is not practicing what they preach. All this hipocracy will come back and haunt us.

CL

PS Carmel - It is so good to be hearing from you again.

[ehm]

Clay, you're right. It would depend if the daughter was yours, but why would it change your mind if it was?  Whether it's a stranger's kid or mine, I feel the same way. If you aren't old enough to support yourself, you have no business having sex. My daughter is 12, and I think about what happened to me more sometimes now that she's older. If you need to ask yourself, "Should a 14 year old be having sex?" You've got a problem.

I don't discourage education or premarital sex. Just rape, statutory rape, molestation... You know, SEX CRIMES? If your kid craves intimate love from someone in a sexual nature (who is much older than them) or any other unhealthy form at age 11,12,13,14,15... you're doing a crappy job of showing your kids they are loved. For a person to associate sex with love at such a young age is just unhealthy. The neglected children call out to pedaphiles, never having to say a word. :skull:

BTW - This was about rape not consentual sex anyway, wasn't it?



PS- I realize I have a strong tendency to blame parents. This is probably just because mine sucked. I know there are exceptions any situation.
Sorry to sound angry or closed minded, this is a sensitive subject for me. I get all hot under the collar sometimes... :roll:





[ This Message was edited by: mo on 2003-06-10 09:21 ]

[85 Day Jerk]

I remember losing it in one of those "co-ed" sex raps.  I was a virgin, and I refused to play their little game.  I started yelling at everybody and cussing real bad, and no one could shut me up.  The staffer leading this fiasco was Mike Murphy, and the girl staff was Aimee Wrong.
Aimee was stupid enough to call on a girl, but before she could get one word out, I called her a stupid slut and to shut the fuck up and get back in the kitchen.  Buy now, I had little traces of foam in the corners of my mouth and was acting like a rabid dog.  I simply refused to be made to feel guilty over something that I had not done.  I told the fuckers it was wrong to make us bring the shit up, and asked them what they hoped to accomplish.  After I made a comment about how I was tired of giving staff more stuff they could use against me it got real quiet and the rap changed gears into more about the shitty ways we used people when we were druggies.  In my own twisted way, I took something that started out hurtful and meaningless and turned it into a damn Love Rap.  Not long after this, I made 3rd phase.  I guess I was a little too volatile for the daytime anymore, and they shuffled me off to school just like that.

[chinrse23]

I lost my virginity at 14.  I had a 17 year old boyfriend and we used condoms. Personally, I dont feel what I did was wrong or sick--we experimented.  I dont feel that my parents didnt love me--or that was looking for love that they werent giving me.  My mom didnt even have a problem with it because I was able to let her know what was going on.

I dont regret it, and I dont feel that I was too young.  We stayed together throughout most of my high school years.  When we broke up--it hurt but again it was all pretty much a natural response for a relationship that lasted several years.

[Froderik]

I lost my virginity at 16. I had a 19 year old girlfriend and we never heard of condoms.
I dont feel what I did was wrong or sick - but I got the feeling that her parents did...they "caught us" (my hiding in her closet didn't help.) I dont regret it, and I dont feel that I was too young. We stayed together for some of my high school years (which means about 8 months, I'm guessing. Then, she went away to some dance school for a summer and broke my throbbing little heart.  :cry2:

[ehm]

The two above scenarios sound perfectly normal. I mean, a few years apart is different than a decade. What I should have said above was, "If you think a 14 year old should be having sex with a 24 year old...problem."

Now 18 and 28 is a different story too, and I know that a lot of people have their first relationships at 16 and younger. If you are old enough to be self sufficient then you may be mature enough to be having sex. Everyone is different. Education is the key, yes sir. There will always be exceptions to any rule. My first 'real' relationship was at 17, and my first real sex. Unfortunately I lost my virginity at 13 to the wrong person (stepbrother). He used to give me drugs and alcohol too. For me,  it was a yearning for love, and a much older guy taking advantage of me. That was right after my abusive father died, same with the 24 year-old man at 15. However he, was violent and forceful as well, not good.  ::noway::

Carmel, I totally hear you on the, "Bad people can be BAD and good people are GOOD." I know that's not your quote, but that was your point right?  I didn't have those positive role models unfortunately. With the exception of my maid growing up. Emma. She's who pretty much raised me ages 4-12. I suppose that's why my best friend is black. Her family is like my family. Does that make me a wigger? I don't know. I just love them for taking me in and accepting me. I'm proud to be one if I am. (wigger) hehe :smile:

[ehm]

On 2003-06-10 05:11:00, Froderik13 wrote:

"I lost my virginity at 16. I had a 19 year old girlfriend and we never heard of condoms.

I dont feel what I did was wrong or sick - but I got the feeling that her parents did...they "caught us" (my hiding in her closet didn't help.) I dont regret it, and I dont feel that I was too young. We stayed together for some of my high school years (which means about 8 months, I'm guessing. Then, she went away to some dance school for a summer and broke my throbbing little heart.  :cry2:  "

*gives you a hug* :wink:

[Anonymous]

I (a male)was 16, she was 26, married and with children.  She was hot as shit and her hubby was in prison for murder and would be locked up for decades to come.  
Was I wrong?  Was she?

Contrary to the unorthodox and sinful pairing, she took me to church for the first time and taught me to read the bible.  I saw her only once since, but the gift she gave me will be with me forevermore (spirituality NOT v.d., I know what some of you are thinking!!)
Was I wrong?  Was she?

To partially quote "Hot for Teacher" by Van Halen "I don't feel [tardy"] molested.
She screamed when she came and I smiled-though I was worried about the nieghbors.

What is my point?  I don't know, maybe I'm just bragging about boinking an old lady at such a young age.  Maybe just trying to make someone somewhere reading this smile.  Maybe it's just another perspective of an aforementioned scenario with reversed genders. Maybe Maybe Maybe.

To quote another lyric "Don't ask me, I don't know!"

[chinrse23]

:grin:

[mithygato]

To Day Jerk,

The guy-girl sex rap was by far the weirdest and most disturbing aspect of Straight to me.
Good for you that you stood up and told them to go STRAIGHT to Hell.
Most of us did, until the brainwashing started to set in . . . .

For everyone who is talking about ages and what is right and wrong:
I don't see a problem with a 14 and 24 year old.
I have to differ on this one Morli.
I personally don't see what the two could possibly have in common, however, this is very ethnocentric thinking on our parts.
Lets talk about, say, third world countries.

My next door neighbor is around 14 and already has a child.
Her husband is in his late 20's (possibly older).
They are from a rural town outside of Mexico City.
She has a child and another one on the way.
He works hard it seems and supports the kid(s).
They seem very happy and normal together.
Most of my neighbors are hispanic (Central and South America).

Who are we to stand up, and self-righteously judge other societies ethical behavior, laws and morals?

 :roll:

[ehm]

mithygato:
I understand... Like I said, this personally is a touchy subject. That's why I added,"I realize again, there can always be exceptions to any rule. I personally had bad experiences that have made this a very touchy subject. I really appreciate the different perspectives."
Morli

[mithygato]

Morli,

I meant no disrespect in any way to what you or others have went through as far as being abused and neglected.
Quite the opposite, I wish you and others nothing but love and happiness in life!


I was only saying that in the case of my neighbors, they seem very happy.
As long as it is a consentual agreement on both parts I don't have any problem with their relationship, or others that resemble it.
Consent is the key here, though.

Hovever, the line obviously has to be drawn in some cases.
I mean, who is to determine who's too young?
Personally, I don't agree with their relationship, but it's not my life or business.
Myself, I wouldn't know what to talk about with a 14 year old girl if I dated one (which ain't gonna happen).
Nelly, Henry Potter, Brittany Spears, I mean cum on . . .
I would never do it, but I can't judge other societies when it comes to certain things.
When Ellen Degenerate had the first lesbian kiss on t.v some ten years ago the U.S. media was in a frenzy.
Today, it's a common occurance in prime time sitcoms and daytime (conservitive t.v. mind you).
Nobody blinks an eye.

Who is mature enough to be in a relationship that may be considered taboo?
How old is old enough?
In our society today, it seems to be younger and younger (10,11,12 and pregnant!!!!!!!).

Not to get on the ole' soapbox, but I think it's simple conditioning on our parts as parents.
Lead by example (nurture), and chances are your child will imitate your behavior . . . . and be a better person because of it.

Peace to all.

david
M.I.A.
Richardson 88/89

[ehm]

I understand David, thanks.