Thought this might be helpful for Carmel. My dad died suddenly on Feb 2 of a ruptured aortic aneurysm. He had developed an abnormal heart rhythm back in Jan, and during the cardiac workup, this huge aneurysm was diagnosed. Being a physician, I knew it was like a time bomb, and I knew he didn't have much time. I told all my bros. and sisters to say their goodbyes. We spent some nice evenings together in the days before he died. Only, I never got around to saying goodbye. I heard his voice over the phone when he was being carried out by EMS, and when I got to the hospital, he was dead.
I've never lost anyone close to me before. I'm learning that grieving is a very individual process. Sometimes, I realize that I'm thinking about calling him to ask him a question, and then, I'm reminded that that is impossible. I am finding that saying goodbye isn't as important as I thought it was. I'm surrounded at home by his paintings and sculptures, and I feel that somehow he knows that I'm missing him and thinking of him. I'm trying to honor his spirit by continuing on with my life, by playing piano, by working on my Polish (he was from Poland), and by letting myself experience whatever feelings come up. It's been really tough, but my friends and family have been a great support. People really do want to help, whether it's by bringing food over, or calling every day, or attending the funeral services. I never understood how helpful and meaningful these simple acts could be. It really helped me get through those first few weeks.
Carmel, I hope you are finding your own way to grieve, and that you are surrounded by friends and loved ones. I'm thinking of you.
