most of my time in elan i spent in the corner. The first experiance i remember was in elan five. I was thirteen, I refused to do the customary song and dance that newcomers had to perform in their first morning meeting. Neil Kurzman put me in the corner in the room next to the broadcasting room upstairs. He would get in my face and turn bright red screaming at me telling me I would not be permitted to eat, or sleep, or doing anything else until I did the song and dance. I know I pissed him off, I got right back in his face and was screaming back. I am pretty sure that I did not do the song and dance for quite sometime, at least not to their expectations. I spent quite some time in the corner of the broadcasting room, I know I had many p.os, I remember carolyn t, carl s,julie b, mary jane c, and Im not sure who else. There were times that I spent weeks and months as a corner person, I would have my head in my hands and go off to that black place in my mind for hours and hours, sometimes days. I can remember the feeling of floating away, I still do it today, my therapist says its dissassociation. I know that in every house i was in, elan four, elan five, and elan eight, and even elan three, that i spent alot of time in the corner in that black hole in my mind sometimes other places in my mind but I remember the blackness the most. I was in the corner in the old schoolhouse trailer, elan three broadcasting room, that little room outside the dining room, the business office, the school rooms in elan eight, the staff office in elan eight, the dorms in elan eight, the cells in elan four, the expeditors office in elan four, the broadcasting room in elan four, the dining room in elan four, the communications dept in elan four which was also i think the english room,in elan five, the broadcasting room, expeditors office, some room upstairs on the very far left of the hallway, the staff office, the womans dorms, the dining room. There were other disciplinary measures as well that I partially remember, but only a very very small part of at this time. I know I was outdoors on at least a few occassions, doing what I have no clue, but I know I was outside at elan five, elan eight and elan four. Why, at the present time I have no clue. Maybe someday my mind will let me know. Most of these things I am just starting to remember. It's hard to believe that after 20 years memories are just starting to surface. Each day that I think about things Im reminded what a piece of shit I was to people there,and how it still hurts so bad I sit here and cry and wonder how come nothing was ever done and how that place can still be open today with some of the same staff members being there. Well I think I better quit thinking for now cause I feel that fucked up feeling coming up in my throat and like im starting to float sideways.
