psy wrote: bla bla bla.. You think these places practice positive re-enforcement!??!?!
I realize every place is different and I cannot speak to where you attended but on one of my visits to ASR we headed back to my daughters room, which was quite nice, she shared it with three other girls, they had their own bath. There was a table in the middle and she pulled out some dominos and we played, shot the breeze while waiting to join the other kids after dinner for a movie (I think they showed a movie every Sunday night). Anyway I noticed the bed next to my daughters was covered with sticky notes and I kind of walked over and they all said little words of encouragement, like “Good luck!!â€, Know you can do it†etc. I asked my daughter what that was all about and she said her room mate had a history exam the next day (which was oral) and she had always be afraid of being called upon in school so this was a milestone for her to stand up in front of class. The notes were from students as well as staff members. They really cared for each other there and the staff/ counselors were always supportive as each child met and tackled each challenge.
With you reporting to the staff... do you really expect them to be open and honest about how they feel about program... Please. I remember parent visits. You had to be positive if you didn't want to get consequences.. I would just
love that question: how do you like it here.. I understand Jimmy here loves it. What's your favorite part of program. You HAD to bullshit. You couldn't trust anybody.
Say if your daughter had said something to you about what might have actually been happening... and it shocked you. Provided she was convincing enough for you to get you to question the official line of thought, where would you have gone to confirm the allegation? Well you would probably have gone to staff directly, who would have told you it was a manipulation, laughed at it, told you "well that's a good one.. hahaha".. and then when you leave, your daughter would have gotten in some serious shit... Eventually, they might even be able to convince her that what she saw as "abusive" really wasn't. After all, she was a master manipulator. What's black is white if you believe hard enough. YOU DON'T LEAVE unless you believe it.
How would your daughter know not to report? Well she might have tried with you, had you dismiss it as "manipulative" and given up on turning to you for support. When you go to your own parent, asking for help, and they turn you down, who else do you have to turn to. Nobody. Hope dies.
But what if she never tried? She might have seen what happend to others who tried (or was warned)... or she might have not trusted you enough in the first place (after all, you sent her there, and staff emphasize over and over that parents have full knowledge of what goes on(i, for one, know they don't)).
Come on... When you control communication you can pretty much portray either party in whatever light you want. If you really want to make up with your daughter, ask her to tell her story of what happend to her. And don't say "that's absurd, or, you're exaggerating", or you'll lose her.