I died 1000 deaths

[russfrier]

on Austell Rd. 1986-87.
Every day in the building was the death of something sacred - publicized,scrutinized, and devalued by 80 other nameless faceless pseudo-humans.
There are fates worse than physical death, believe it or not.
Just had a conversation with my father last weekend, I was telling his wife all about the experience of Straight: she was overwhelmed.
He was smiling because it 'got me off drugs' -
at some point even the most rational and capable people are vulnerable, and once they have been violated in the way that Straight violated the sanctity of the mind, they are terrified when and if they realize the extent of their vulnerability and betrayal.
So, life goes on: some of the more fearful among the alumni keep the door of honest appraisal closed, they smile and present the straight-face.
Those of us that do open that door experience our own hell in many ways.
My experience is that my psyche was irreparably harmed, and that a lot of my energy is spent trying to compensate for the damage.
oh, whomever mentioned EMDR - you've been duped. Wake up and read the investigations - it's a scam. You should try a strobelight and a Depok Chopra CD, would be much cheaper. Just as straight maximized humans weakness over the power of suggestion, so do the EMDR purveyors.
Hate to be the one to break it to-ya.
I understand the need for healing, but don't let down your guard - there are just as many willing to capitalize on your horrible experiences. Be very discerning in your choices of therapists - investigate them, question them, and never ever blindly accept what's presented as truth. Once you've had a few months in which to observe them and how they lead / react to your revelations, you'll gradually know how much you can fully trust. It's about you, not about their only hammer hitting all of your nails.
Pax,
Russ ::

[Anonymous]

Parents who put us in can't handle the truth, I can't tell them. When I did, my dad started bawling and told me how much he agonized over the decision to put me in. I hate seeing dad cry, so I let him off the hook immediately. But I also had a sort-of friend who has been sober some 18 years from Straight, and he is a recovery dogma machine, and is afraid to even look at Straight critically. He is a fine human being, don't get me wrong, but he couldn't even consider the possibility that I might not really be alcoholic. Any such statement from me was viewed as (of course) denial. Well, that sort of unwillingness to be objective is crap, but it's like he couldn't help it, because that was what the Matrix programmed into him for 2 years, and it seems to do him some good in that he has stayed out of trouble, so he's happy. But it doesn't resolve the problems that Straight caused so many people, and to continue to ignore that is just sad.

Since I first started to question straight, I ultimately came to a place where I can see it for what it was, a stumbling block, a stepping stone. We are worse off, and we are better off today in some ways (unless we killed ourselves or something).

"I tip my hat to the new constitution
 Make a vow to the new revolution
 Smile and grin at the changes all around me
 Get out my guitar and play
 Just like yesterday
 And I get on my knees and pray
 We Don't Get Fooled Again!"
 - The Who

[ehm]

:wave:
Thought I would say hi.
The Who quote is perfect. It's really great to hear new intellegent perspectives.

[Anonymous]

What is EMDR?

Thanks, just curious.

[85 Day Jerk]

EMDR stands for eye-movement-desensitization-and-reprosessing.  It can either use visual or audio stimulation to accomplish this.

Much like dental surgery, it can be beneficial, but in the wrong hands, it can be as harmful as a coulple of stoners breaking into a dentist office, getting high on Nitrous Oxide, and going to work on each other's teeth.

I undergo EMDR therapy, and it has had beneficial results such as; increasing my typing speed, enabling me to remember the names of people I meet a whole lot better, better control of my spending habits, eating healthier and shopping smarter.  I no longer tense up when I drive to the point that my hands hurt from gripping the wheel and screaming profanities at the traffic.  

My mind has been made clearer by this type of therapy.  It is like a major housecleaning of the brain.  Bad memories are by no means erased, but the bad feelings and what is most important, the BAD HABITS that associate with them are cut down to size and you are able to take control of your emotional make-up that stemmed from traumatic experiences.

Myself, I use the audio form of the EMDR and sometimes I butt heads with my counselor over what subject matter and trauma is still causing me problems sub-consciously.  We don't always agree on things either.  He thought a lot of my anger was from the way I was treated by and abusive stepfather, and we went round and round on that one.  It turned out that yes, there still was alot of anger but it was smothered by all those years of not being able to talk about it due to the "treatment" of Straight.  He had me do a session about what it was like in group not being able to talk about the things that really bother you and having to 'conform' your subject matter to the status quo.  This one was like a breakthrough!  I wound up on my feet with a broken armrest from the chair in my hand!  He is a little more careful on approaching the Straight Years now to say the least.

In closing, I do the therapy, and while it may not be for everybody, no one has the right to knock something that really works if they have not tried it themselves personally.    Bob in St. Pete

[ This Message was edited by: 85 Day Jerk on 2003-06-25 11:03 ]