Author Topic: Billy and Howard, by Milk Gargling Death Penal ("Slicer  (Read 2975 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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Billy and Howard, by Milk Gargling Death Penal ("Slicer
« on: March 08, 2007, 11:25:29 AM »
This is stunningly awful.

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For no immediate reason Fear and Horror added salt to my overdone brain, and really started to chow down. It wasn't just 'No way dude, I'm in a really, really, severely bad situation here!', it was 'No way dude, this is insane, impossible, and evil beyond all recognition, but it's real, and at this very moment I am under control of my exact clone, who got me for his tenth birthday, whose homework is running the world, whose power is unbelievable, and who sees me as nothing more than a complicated tool and plaything for his own private use!! God I am fucked!!'



This "book":

More endlessly long sentences (with really long parenthetical phrases oh my god just stuck in there anywhere you feel like, no kidding) than you can shake a stick at, even if it was a really light stick, you know the kind that you could shake for a really long time because it's not too heavy!

I've read the first couple of chapters and it's amazingly bad. Where do I even start? The ten year old protagonist talks like a cross between a Something Awful column and an old detective movie. I don't know any 10 year olds saying "cocks" all the time.


Characters are introduced, and we find out a couple of chapters later that they have some ridiculous, fantastical description. The thirteen year old girl who is also a mind-controlled servant in the household, we find out much later, is 5'10 and looks like a bodybuilding model. Ok, not what I'd imagined. The protagonist (and his supposedly supergenetically engineered twin brother, the Illuminatus) are albinos with no nipples, no belly button, six fingers, and I don't even remember what else. Don't ask me why the Illuminati geneticists couldn't do any better than that. We don't KNOW that they look like this until chapter three or so.


The author obviously thinks he's DEEP.

It opens with Metallica lyrics.

The words "sheeple" and "normals" are used.


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The jet exploded into the sky and I was pushed against the thick seat for about a minute. After we were going way faster than the speed of sound, the acceleration ceased and an air pump turned on. The reality of it struck me. It's not some fantasy spacecraft with instant inertia from no acceleration. It's a jet, a cross between an F-22 and a luxury liner, with advanced technology comparable to, if not better than, the (fucking substantial, I know that much) military technology of the United States. And the pilot was a cute thirteen year old girl, who just came back to sit on Howard's left. An America-trained, circumcised, "normal" adult would be either impressed or befuddled by that fact, but not these people. I've been living in a dream world, and I'm almost touching the elementary-school-age boy who will be the master of its controllers. I vaguely wondered how much controlling they actually did do, whether they just used their power to take our tax dollars and have fun with them, to screw around with whatever they felt like, or to shape the fate of the entire world. Almost certainly the latter- they want to ensure their permanent place in the world. Power spawns greed, and greed knows no bounds.

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I read 1984, and only now am I beginning to understand the final meaning of doublethink- Howard's organization doesn't bother to do all the crap, they just do what they need to, to keep things going the way they are, and it doesn't mean editing information for the masses, only the important stuff, to shadow what they need to shadow and say what the people want to hear- no wonder politics is so confusing. It's a combination of doublethink and NO THINK.


MOST BELIEVABLE TEN YEAR OLD EVER!

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I found myself in a world of meaningless, nowhere, gray nothing. I could hear about twenty little children around me, laughing and singing something.. something that I haven't heard in a long time... "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family.." Where did I hear that before? It was something from TV.. something controlling... I knew that the song was bad somehow, that its lyrics were a lie, and the tune was a siren song. Panic rose in me as the song rose in pitch. A figure of reddish-purple and bright green faded into view and came towards me, arms in a ready-to-hug position. It looked almost comical, with two wide, sharp, short teeth covering its entire mouth, mittens for hands, strange awkward feet, a bulging belly, and what looked to be a tail.. then I remembered, in horror, who this was. It was that disgusting mound of purple lard. It was the Hellwyrm. It was Barney, the mass manipulator of millions of kids, whose fat, grinning face was found on a hundred million dollars' worth of brightly colored shit. I've hated this guy since I was four, just like Ronald McDonald and all the other intentionally warped characters- they're unreal, disgusting, horrible, perversions of humanity (and dinosaurs), and just flat out evil. Especially this motherfucker. The sheer feeling of danger and evil I got from being directly confronted by this hideous monster turned my knees into Jello and my heart into a rabbit's. Dammit, now I know why Howard gives me weapons.

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"Damn, all this food and we munched on the peasants." The thing wasn't that we had killed people, the thing was that this food had tasted much better than the raw humans. Or at least that's what I told myself.

"Billy, it's not like they wouldn't have died anyway. You know that."

I had already thought about this.. but I still had to say something. "Yeah.. but after watching your dog rip out the throat of that eight-year-old while I was chowing down on that other guy.. I dunno man, there's just something about that." I honestly couldn't put my finger on what.

"You were taught for ten years that life is precious, that no one deserves to die, that violence is a disgusting, horrible thing not practiced by advanced civilizations, right?" Sarah cackled at that.

"Basically, except for wars." In which case, hey, it must be done.

"And you now know who taught that to you."

"The Illuminati."

"Of course. It was a lie, Billy. There are six billion human beings on Earth. Almost none of them are anything but generic, replaceable sheep. There's just so many of them, we can take a few and the rest don't care. Except if we want them to. Human life is next to worthless." Which, as I thought before, is the correct approach. An American doesn't care about the fate of Africans. The Middle East doesn't give a damn one way or the other about Mexico's poor. Why should any of us here in the Illuminati, masters or servants, give a damn about any of them?

"So why do you tell everyone that it's not?" The whole world already behaves as if it isn't- what benefit can be gained from lying? Other societies in the past surely lived without such illusions.

"Duh! Because Big Brother has to love them back. People won't love the system unless they think the system loves them, or at least is essentially good according to the moral codes which we put down for them." I thought something was slightly wrong with that control philosophy, but I didn't know enough world-control theory to formulate a serious base for questioning it.

"So you and your Illuminated friends really don't give a fuck.", I said, obviously.

"About most sheeple, hell no. Of course, there are certain sheeple that we use to keep the rest of them in line. People will follow those chosen leaders straight into Hell if they lead the way. That's where we got the term 'sheeple' from. Do you understand?", Howard replied.

"Yeah. Yeah, I get it. They're like ants, right?" They may act like sheep, but the Illuminati doesn't treat them like sheep at all, really. A shepherd would care if members of his flock were butchered indiscriminately. With six billion anonymous, largely interchangeable ants, millions can die and it doesn't matter.


OMG D33P

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An America-trained, circumcised, "normal" adult would be either impressed or befuddled by that fact, but not these people.


Circumcised?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Billy and Howard, by Milk Gargling Death Penal ("Slicer
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2007, 11:26:57 AM »
The writer is the mewlingest of mewling faggots

And he quickly proves that to us at the very top of the front page.

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For all my Evil visitors: It pleases and amuses me that B&H is listed alongside active pedophile advocacy, the Earth Liberation Front, and underage tentacle rape. Enjoy.

Welcome, UT2004 victims! Did I pwn you in Onslaught or Deathmatch?

From the "Disclaimers" link:

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4. Obscenity. This work contains gore, multiple murders, cannibalism, sadism, glorification of violence, non-consensual sex between children, and other good stuff. Since I have no way of knowing where you live, how old you are, or whether or not it is legal for you to possess this material, I cannot be held responsible if it isn't. Furthermore, for a work to legally be considered 'obscene' in the United States, it must lack serious literary value. Think what you want of my writing, but it is intended to and does contain serious literary value. And if someone goes and starts distributing it to elementary-schoolers, I'm not responsible. I'll laugh, though.

TELL ME MORE!

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You step out of the windowless plane onto the private airfield with a touch of nervousness and a bit of apprehension. After all, it's not every day you're invited to the home of a kid (all you know about him is his first name, Jeremy) who claims to be in a world-controlling organization....

As you get out of the limo, you see two sports cars and one SUV in the garage, and two similar-looking motorcycles of a type you've never seen, one white and one black. Out of curiosity, you look at the controls of the bikes and notice that they have an ammunition gauge and a speedometer that goes to 500 kph....

As the couch turns, you get a good look at him and the other boy you didn't notice was sitting with him, the other boy's head leaning against your host's side. Each of them is wearing what looks to be a cross between a one-piece racing outfit and a trenchcoat, carefully designed to make them look like badasses. The boy on the left wears black, the one on the right wears a strikingly pure white. The colors of the coat portions of their suits match their hair, which on the left boy is dark brown, loosely hanging around his teenage face. The boy on the right has blond hair which is very full in the back, and his face is round, freckled, and has sort of a regal bearing, the sort of thing you'd expect from a young nobleman. This must be Jeremy. "Well?", he asks. "Don't you have any questions for me?"


Questions? Sure! Where are your parents? Be sure to answer in a way that totally emphasizes how 3DGY and totally dangerous you are (also plz show that you've never seen a gun in the real world thx):

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Both boys start laughing at you as if you've told an absurd, funny joke. "You think his dad owns this place?!", the black-clad boy exclaims. As they laugh you notice that both of them are carrying things made of nonreflective metal- from the shapes, you can guess that they're firearms, probably a shotgun for the dark-clothed boy and a pair of pistols for Jeremy. You realize with a start that either of them could easily kill you in an instant without any repercussions.
"My parents don't even know I'm alive.", Jeremy says, after regaining his composure. "I'm an Illuminatus. I help run the world. I don't need parents."


Paying for this godawful Mary-Sue fanfic would be like paying for rectal cancer. How much is it?

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"Free. All this book will cost you is your time.", Jeremy says. "If you want a print copy, good fucking luck. Unless Slicer receives enough donations to start printing it and lots of people to sell it to, you might as well forget it."



Slicer? That's one of the most retarded attempts at building a hip, cool, dangerous persona for oneself online I've ever heard of. Was "Knifey McStabbsalot" already taken? In any event, would a literary genius like "Slicer" be pathetic enough to wander around the internet, begging cup in hand?

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Donate!
Donating helps Slicer produce more B&H faster, encourages physical-book creation, and will definitely be appreciated.

Note that Paypal takes 2.9% + 30 cents for every transaction. Don't waste your time donating change. A few bucks would be fine.




Hmm, apparently he would. I'm curious about the mechanics of PayPal: does this mean that a storm of people donating him quarters would wind up costing him money? Because that would be fucking hysterical.

ILLUMINATI WANNABE LITERALLY NICKEL-AND-DIMED TO DEATH
JACQUES DE MOLAY, THOU ART AVENGED
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Billy and Howard, by Milk Gargling Death Penal ("Slicer
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2007, 11:52:27 AM »
Drumming yourself up some business are you?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Froderik

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Billy and Howard, by Milk Gargling Death Penal ("Slicer
« Reply #3 on: March 08, 2007, 11:54:59 AM »
What the  hell ?
« Last Edit: March 08, 2007, 01:58:51 PM by Guest »

Offline Troll Control

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Billy and Howard, by Milk Gargling Death Penal ("Slicer
« Reply #4 on: March 08, 2007, 01:00:42 PM »
I think the important question here is "Who cares?"  I sure as hell don't.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline Anonymous

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Billy and Howard, by Milk Gargling Death Penal ("Slicer
« Reply #5 on: March 08, 2007, 02:29:32 PM »
:rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline psy

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Billy and Howard, by Milk Gargling Death Penal ("Slicer
« Reply #6 on: March 08, 2007, 07:12:26 PM »
How the hell do you know if milk wrote that crap at all?  I admit it is somewhat his style, but how are you connecting it to him?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline psy

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Billy and Howard, by Milk Gargling Death Penal ("Slicer
« Reply #7 on: March 08, 2007, 07:14:27 PM »
I love the disclaimers:
Quote from: ""Slicer""
1. Copyright. Billy and Howard and all characters, events, objects, and locations invented therein are copyright ? 1998-2004 Slicer. I'm done trying to sell this thing. Enjoy your download. Use the Donate link if you like it. Anyone who rips me off or sells it will either be sued or beheaded Iraq style, depending on my mood.

2. Fiction. This is a work of fiction. Fiction, as in not real. An imaginative creation, a pretense that does not represent actuality but has been invented. Despite what paranoid delusions or conspiratorial theories you may have, not a single event in this book actually happened, and not a single engineered person as described in the book exists. Similarities to persons living or dead are, with a few obvious exceptions for public figures (who in real life do not do or say anything remotely like what is described in the book), coincidental. Character names, including main character names, were selected at random.

3. Use of trademarked products. In a careful effort to maximize realism, there are several instances in which the characters make use of products owned by various entities and corporations, particularly entertainment media and electronic games. Use of trademarked products is in no way intended to infringe on trademarks or intellectual property rights, all of which belong to the companies that actually created the products. I talk about watching movies and playing games without worrying about being sued; my characters are simply doing the same. Any and all Cease & Desist letters will be posted to the Internet, in as many places as possible, so everyone can know what an asshole you are.

4. Obscenity. This work contains gore, multiple murders, cannibalism, sadism, glorification of violence, non-consensual sex between children, and other good stuff. Since I have no way of knowing where you live, how old you are, or whether or not it is legal for you to possess this material, I cannot be held responsible if it isn't. Furthermore, for a work to legally be considered 'obscene' in the United States, it must lack serious literary value. Think what you want of my writing, but it is intended to and does contain serious literary value. And if someone goes and starts distributing it to elementary-schoolers, I'm not responsible. I'll laugh, though.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Benchmark Young Adult School - bad place [archive.org link]
Sue Scheff Truth - Blog on Sue Scheff
"Our services are free; we do not make a profit. Parents of troubled teens ourselves, PURE strives to create a safe haven of truth and reality." - Sue Scheff - August 13th, 2007 (fukkin surreal)

Offline Anonymous

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« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Billy and Howard, by Milk Gargling Death Penal ("Slicer
« Reply #9 on: March 10, 2007, 04:25:57 AM »
What is this?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Billy and Howard, by Milk Gargling Death Penal ("Slicer
« Reply #10 on: March 10, 2007, 05:16:47 AM »
hey i donated 10 cents... was i not supposed to do that?? lmfao
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Offline Anonymous

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Billy and Howard, by Milk Gargling Death Penal ("Slicer
« Reply #11 on: March 10, 2007, 05:48:57 AM »
I feel dumber for having wasted my time reading the few lines of his absolute shit that I did read.
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Offline Anonymous

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Billy and Howard, by Milk Gargling Death Penal ("Slicer
« Reply #12 on: March 13, 2007, 12:58:52 AM »
How do you know this is his book?
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Offline ZenAgent

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Billy and Howard, by Milk Gargling Death Penal ("Slicer
« Reply #13 on: April 22, 2007, 06:28:27 PM »
You obviously want to vent on MGDP, not his(?)work.  Post your own literary efforts for the Fornits crew to critique.  If this is the first attempt at an extended work of fiction, props to him.  I've scanned over a good bit of this, so let me address your slaggings, albeit a bit late.

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More endlessly long sentences (with really long parenthetical phrases oh my god just stuck in there anywhere you feel like, no kidding) than you can shake a stick at, even if it was a really light stick, you know the kind that you could shake for a really long time because it's not too heavy!

It's literary technique, used a lot to maintain a stream of consciousness  first-person narrative.  Kerouac relied heavily upon "run-on" sentences, cataloging, etc. to maintain his flow.  Celine did the same, skipping formal punctuation and using only the ellipsis, his beloved "three dots", to keep a manic pace and it fucking worked.  Billy and Howard comes off as being in the same vein stylistically as Me and Kev by Simon Black.  Everything revolves around some batshit craziness.



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It opens with Metallica lyrics.


Tristan Egolf's Kornwulf opened with Slayer lyrics.  Denis Johnson quoted the Velvet Underground and lifted the title Jesus' Son from VU's "Heroin".  

The characters are causing you problems as well, huh?  It's fiction.  I've seen on other threads where someone accused the author of Billy and Howard of promoting pedophilia.  

Again:  it's fiction, and you were forewarned of the content.  Naked Lunch has it's share of red-haired and freckle-faced adolescent males engaging in sexual activity.  

You've got a right to criticize someone's work, but separate the author from the work.  Why don't you send the guy enough money to print some hardbacks, you can order a batch and spark a Nazi book burning party.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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