I love Modern Drunkard.
http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/m ... wisdom.htm?I went out last night and didn?t drink a drop. I talked all night and in the morning I remembered everything I said. It was horrifying.?
Juan R. explaining his third shot of the afternoon at Swanky?s.
?I?m afraid of three things: Women, snakes, and the police. They all have the ability to hurt me and make it look like it was my fault.?
Gil H. sums up his fears at Auntie Mae?s Parlor in Manhattan, KS.
?Hey, bro, can you spare fifty cents? My car ran out of gas and I need some gas money so I can catch the bus to Boulder. Ah, shit, I fucked that one up. I meant to say I need a cup of coffee and some food and shit. And it?s July 4th. Pretty near. Fuck you.?
Name refused, still working out the kinks on the 16th Street Mall.
?You have abused the right to say something stupid.?
Tom B. in Orlando after getting his fill of his barstool neighbor.
?Did you just say that or did I??
A confused Blake W. after a moment of silence in Wingo Saloon.
?If you didn?t serve me last night, what makes you think I?d remember that??
Unnamed drunk in the James Joyce Pub in response to the bartender?s query of: ?If we didn?t serve you last night, what makes you think we?re going to serve you this afternoon??
?The jukebox is the drunkard?s fireplace.?
Troy B., warming himself to Wheel in the Sky in the Streets of London Pub.
?Gentlemen, at approximately nine o?clock last night, a small scouting force was sent into the vicinity of my liver. They?ve not been heard from. A rescue force was dispatched, but they, too, have been lost. I?m afraid I have no choice but to declare a state of full-scale war with my liver. Time for a martini.?
Lincoln Freimund rallies the troops on New Year?s Eve.
