Boarding School suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Any decent boarding schools around that people can suggest? Asking for some friends who are getting divorced and they want to put their son in a boarding school for the year. They aren't looking for a treatment school. Just a place close to California so they can visit regularly and where he will get a good education.

Again.. They aren't looking for a BM mill or some other odious pit like that. They just want their son someplace quiet and in a stable environment while they work out the divorce and set up visitations and such. They don't want him bouncing between homes at the moment as he is a freshman in high school and they are worried all the house changes, and legal proceedings might mess him up right proper.


They also seem to indicate they are going to try some sort of counseling first after a seperation period so they might want to spare him this ordeal as well.

Not sure about the whole story myself, but it would be nice If I could get some suggestions.

ST trolls need not weigh in please.

Looking for a program kid who has first hand experience to compare good and bad placements. The sort of boy or girl who would know the difference between a good academically focused boarding school and a bad/good(not much of a difference in my mind they all seem the same) treatment center.

[Anonymous]

They can't pick which parent he'll live with or how visitation rights will work, so their mutual solution is... to send him to a boarding school?

That's just.. ineffable. Even if they're not sending him to a hellhole.

How about flipping a fucking coin and deciding what parent he'll live with (until everything is settled) that way?

[Anonymous]

If they are going to spend that kind of money for just boarding, they should consider something like a semester (or two at sea) or an overseas high school program. Expose him to the world, other cultures, develop relationships with his peers and more importantly, hopefully take the sting off the divorce a bit.

[White Cracker Man]

Classic moronic parents who want a quick fix rather than actually working out problems the way adults are supposed to.

[Anonymous]

Good idea about the semester at sea thing. I will pass that along. They probably will be receptive to something like that. The father spent like 15 years or so in the Navy going all over the world.

[Anonymous]

If they are truly looking for a regular boarding school -- a real school, then the most obvious suggestion is that the young man should be very involved in the selection process, visiting schools, talking to students and faculty, and he should not be forced to attend a school that is not of his choosing -- even if that means he chooses "none of the above" and wishes to live with one parent or to shuttle between parents.

[Anonymous]

From what I am gathering the young man is part of the selection process, and while he isn't all that keen on boarding school his feedback is part of the selection process.  I don't think his parents are going to give him the option of staying home with either of them at this point in time. They seem pretty set on getting him out of the line of fire while they sort their own issues out.  I have my own mixed feelings on their methods, but given my knowledge of the situation I see the good and bad of the whole idea of a boarding school.

I do know that the son isn't a bad sort. A bit of a smart ass, but I doubt you will find many 14 year old boys who aren't a smart ass of sorts. He likes the outdoors and enjoys playing sports. Last I heard the kid was a bit of a star on his school's baseball team.

I am not the parent so I won't comment on whether I think he should or shouldn't go to a boarding school while his parents are getting divorced, or going through marriage counseling. I probably wouldn't have minded a boarding school when I was a kid and my own parents where getting divorced.

Now back to the topic at hand. Are there any good suggestions for boarding schools in or near the state of California?



Also does anyone know anything about the Midland School of Los Olivos California? I found it via google earlier with a bunch of other sites. Seems like a decent place to go.

[Troll Control]

check for master's degreed teachers (no substitutes!) with licenses to teach (no substitutes!) and that his credits will transfer to any traditional school, boarding or otherwise (no substitutes!).  the school must be accredited by a MAJOR regional accreditation agency (no substitutes!).

the child must be engaged n the process of deciding where he wants to go, this is mission critical.

[AtomicAnt]

In many States, a boy his age can actually choose his own placement. In NJ a 14-year-old can choose which parent to live with. I was informed that in Ohio, they can decide at age 12. So, before these parents decide for him, they might want to check out his rights.

I suppose if the chosen parent said no, the kid would be stuck, but in most custody cases both parents want custody.

[Anonymous]

Christ, with friends like this who needs enemies?

Anon - get a life.  This kid doesn't need a boarding school.  He needs parents.  Single or divorced.  

P.S.  Your "projecting" gave you away.  When will you program parents ever learn? It's not what you want (or would have wanted if you were a "teen" again). It's not about you (or the pretend other parents). I repeat.  It's NOT about YOU.

 :roll:

[Anonymous]

Go to TABS (The Association of Boarding Schools) website.  There are several very academic schools in California (Cate and Stevenson). There is an application process.  Those two schools are very selective and don't generally take kids mid-year. Here are others:
    *  Army and Navy Academy, Carlsbad, CA
    * The Athenian School, Danville, CA
    * Cate School, Carpinteria, CA
    * Dunn School, Los Olivos, CA
    * Flintridge Sacred Heart Academy, La Canada - Flintridge, CA
    * Happy Valley School, Ojai, CA
    * Idyllwild Arts Academy, Idyllwild, CA
    * Midland School, Los Olivos, CA
    * Monte Vista Christian School, Watsonville, CA
    * Oak Grove School, Ojai, CA
    * Ojai Valley School, Ojai, CA
    * San Domenico School, San Anselmo, CA
    * Santa Catalina School, Monterey, CA
    * Southwestern Academy (CA), San Marino, CA
    * Stevenson School, Pebble Beach, CA
    * The Thacher School, Ojai, CA
    * Villanova Preparatory School, Ojai, CA
    * The Webb Schools, Claremont, CA
    * Woodside Priory School, Portola Valley, CA

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't get how you, of all people, can actually use the following chain of logic:

"Someone I know has asked me to suggest a boarding school to house a child during a divorce situation. Therefore, I shall come to Fornits and ask where I shall find a suitable place."

This logic is flawed for both trivial and non-trivial reasons.

The trivial reason is that you've come to the wrong place. True, Fornits members have developed a highly acute sense of detecting shitpits by the language used on their websites and the attitude they portray. But really, what do you need us for on that account? You have the same ability. I bet you can Google as well (which is where that list came from). The odds of any Fornits member having a real boarding school as his alma mater, or having close enough friends that have one, is vanishingly small.

The non-trivial reasons are that you've assumed the following:

1. The temporary placement won't make things worse. Temporary situations have a way of making themselves permanent; if the divorce proceedings drag on he could be there for quite some time, and for academic reasons he'll end up being there on a semester-at-a-time basis.. What if he snaps and simply says to one of his parents during a visitation, "I don't want to talk to you ever again; get out of my life; I won't even come to your funeral except to gloat"? It happens. Better yet, what if he really doesn't like feeling cooped up and away from his old friends, and during the divorce hearings, gets subpoenaed and fucking eviscerates his dad with testimony that causes the judge to give his mom everything? Or maybe he'll just start playing them against each other for his own amusement simply because he hates them both. This happens.

2. They are actually in mutual agreement on this. Have you, yourself, talked to his mother? In a way, It doesn't matter if they really did mutually decide to place him there; if he sees it one way or the other, or maybe his mom wigs out and decides she doesn't want him away from home anymore, things can get ugly in a hurry.

3. Murphy's Law will generally not apply.

Therefore, the advice you should give, if you have half the integrity you pretend to, is "I'll gladly help you find a boarding school for your son, and will use my experience in personally checking places out. But I won't do this unless you give me a damn good reason why you and your soon-to-be-ex-wife can't come to a real custody arrangement, like every other divorced parent in America."

Put them in a room with me for fifteen minutes and I absolutely guarantee they'll come out of it with a mutually satisfactory situation. ("You have fifteen minutes to come up with a temporary custody arrangement or I shoot you both in the head. Hey, you did it in three. See how easy that was?")

My baseless, evidence-less, intuitive guess: He doesn't want to have to take care of his son, but he's enough of an asshole not to want her to have him, either.

And yes, I had a standard, non-abusive, non-"therapeutic" boarding school in mind when I wrote this.

[Anonymous]

No "boarding school" is a replacement for being around relatives, friends, loved ones, and being in your own, safe (psychologically speaking) normal familiar surroundings.

Sending the kid off is something I would recommend against completely, and frankly if the parents just want him "out of his hair" (I seriously doubt its completely out of 'love' for him they'd send him AWAY) just send him to SOME FUCKING RELATIVES.

Taking EVERYTHING away from him and shipping him off somewhere is a very, very bad thing to do! Even if its a normal boarding school he will lose all friends, familiarity, and a lot of his freedom.

[Anonymous]

No "boarding school" is a replacement for being around relatives, friends, loved ones, and being in your own, safe (psychologically speaking) normal familiar surroundings.

Sending the kid off is something I would recommend against completely, and frankly if the parents just want him "out of his hair" (I seriously doubt its completely out of 'love' for him they'd send him AWAY) just send him to SOME FUCKING RELATIVES.

Taking EVERYTHING away from him and shipping him off somewhere is a very, very bad thing to do! Even if its a normal boarding school he will lose all friends, familiarity, and a lot of his freedom.

Sounds great, but what if there are no relatives, or no relatives that are willing to raise him "temporarily?" It sounds like these two divorcing parents are too wrapped up in their own problems to be bothered with parenting their teenage boy, at least for awhile. Shame on them, but at least they're not willing to ship him off to some detention facility that calls itself a 'boarding school.' He's too young to just be emancipated and go it alone, and if he doesn't go to and finish high school somewhere, his future job prospects are much more limited.

What is the solution for a decent kid who doesn't have any real problems, but whose parents just simply "can't" or don't want to be his parents anymore "at least for a little while?" If there are no loving relatives willing to take this young man into their home, I think a genuine boarding school (not the TBS detention/BM shitpit variety) is probably the most compassionate solution.

Yes, it still sucks for the kid, and if he doesn't have any emotional issues now, he probably will after this. But he will eventually learn that it's not his fault and that just because two people know how to fuck, that doesn't automatically qualify them to be parents.

[Anonymous]

The Cate School is fantastic- though hard to gain admission to.  It's also very, very expensive.  I know two kids that went there.  They loved it, and also love their parents...imagine that.  Two, well adjusted, independent thinking kids not needing to hang onto Mama's legs.  Leaving home isn't always so bad.