This is from a long article posted here a couple of yaars ago. These two entries are most relevant to this thread.
16. Dragged From School Screaming for Help.
To understand what these children have suffered, parents need to take a moment to put themselves in the child's shoes. The child has been abruptly taken from the family. For a fee ¾ typically $10,000 ¾ parents can have their child abducted by experts: former green beret, police, narcotics agents and others whom experts say, know how to "take down the enemy." Some escort services charge less, and teens may be transferred in "batches" ¾ chained to their seats in a reconverted bus, for example ¾ or with a parent as part of the escort-team. The San Francisco Chronicle explained the escort process as kidnap with this headline: "When Parents OK Abduction." The phrase the schools use is "a transfer service." If the child resists abduction, they may be shackled, handcuffed or drugged.
Should teens have the right to be free of the fear of abduction in their own home? Should they have the right to be free of the fear of abduction from school?
On April 24, l998, a teenage girl was dragged, screaming in terror, from the sidewalk on East 71st Street in New York City by three men and a woman. She had just left school for the day. She was dragged toward a black sedan with dark tinted windows that obscured a view of the inside. Still screaming, she tried to call for help from people passing on the street.
People, startled by this violence, stopped to watch but no one tried to help the teen. As a crowd gathered, the girl was pulled toward the car. She tried to hold on to a black rod iron fence in front of a brownstown, then tried to hold onto the top of the car as the three men and the woman pushed her into the back seat. Her screams brought neighbors on this upper east side street to their windows. One was the U.S. features editor for the London Times. He ran down to try and help her.
Several friends of the girl, standing to the side of the crowd, were weeping. When the reporter, aghast, tried to find out what was happening, he was told by the crying teens that it was "an intervention."
He called it an abduction. A police officer who appeared as the young girl was forcefully shoved into the car stood to the side watching as the door slammed shut and the car sped off. The reporter took down the license number, tracked down the abductors ¾ an "escort" service ¾ and traced the girl to a behavior modification facility in upstate New York. "The Foundation" claims that it practices the Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step program.
What is the impact of the 12-step program on a teen?
17. "I Am Insane and Realize I Always Will Be."
I learned about schools that apply the 12-step program from a parent who withdrew her son from the same facility after only four months. We began exchanging email after her son had been at the school for seven weeks.
"Elliott?s" parents had enrolled him in The Foundation's "emotional growth" program for 18 months. As their concerns rose, they decided it would only be for 12 months. Four months after he entered the school, their son was brought home by his parents. His mother exchanged a series of email with me for two months before deciding to pull him out of the program. It forced a life-change for her as well. She was given use of a mountain cabin in New Mexico and took her son there for six months to help recover from the traumas of the program. The following excerpts from her email series shows a growing level of concern which led to her son?s removal from the school.
* * * * *
Dear Alexia, -- As our son has only been at this "emotional growth" school for 7 weeks, I have nothing to report and am really hoping that since I spent a year researching these programs, I have selected a good one. I knew from DAY ONE that he would not be leaving the U.S., those other programs sounded very strange from the start. We couldn't talk to him for the first 4 weeks, but have talked to him once a week since that time. We are going up there this weekend for New Parents Weekend and will be able to spend several hours with him on Saturday. I think we are expected to go up again in another 4 weeks for family counseling. We were encouraged to commit to an 18-month stay, but I am bringing him home by Christmas at the latest.
I still don't think that any parent would have their child abducted or sent away without firmly feeling that it was the best thing for the child. Maybe there are some parents out there who only want the kids out of the way, but I think the majority of parents take a long time to come to that gut-wrenching decision. The day that my husband took our son to [the school] will always be the lowest and saddest day of my life.
My son is only 15 and says that he has been smoking pot since he was 12. We are an upper middle class family (so typical of your book), both parents intact and very involved with our children. We tried handling this on our own once we found out what he was doing, but were advised by the deputy at his school, to get him away from his peer group for a while. He was currently failing every subject he was taking in 10th grade.
My son already has 2 felony charges and 1 misdemeanor against him for things he did two years ago (being part of a group that took a golf cart during the night to ride around the golf course knocking down flags and possession of marijuana). We live in a very small affluent town and they do not tolerate any crime at all.
* * * * *
We did get a very disturbing letter from him on Saturday, actually only parts of it were disturbing. He said that he has now found religion and has become a very active Catholic spending 14 hours per week in the chapel. Fourteen hours in any church would bother me. I even consulted with a Catholic Priest today who told me that this is not a healthy sign.
* * * * *
I think I might have mentioned it to you that [the counselor] considered my son's crying with us that day to be very "manipulative." She said that he was much too old to cry like he did. I would personally be very worried about the 15 yr. old who didn't cry after not seeing his parents after 8 weeks, but guess that I am not the so-called expert here?
My husband cries and he's 47. She has no idea that one of the things we told my son when we were there was that his grandmother (by marriage) passed away and we wanted to wait and tell him in person. He was not close to her, but she was still one of the only 2 grandma's he had ever known, that made him cry. She didn't even know that and still made a judgment call from what she saw. This has really bothered me as he's a very sensitive young man and I so hope that she didn't tell him he was being a baby and manipulating by crying.
* * * * *
Well, I called [the counselor] yesterday to finalize a time for our session on the 26th and mentioned that we were counting on spending time with him outside of the counseling atmosphere afterward. Her reply to me was, "Well, we will have to see how the counseling goes. If your son cries and carries on, we will have to ask you and your daughter to leave. Otherwise, if he behaves, you can stay for lunch."
[At the counseling session:] His first sentence was, "I am insane and realize that I will always be insane." My daughter and I almost came out of our chairs. He was referring to his prior drug use. During the "session" [the counselor] asked my son if he felt he was an "addict" to which my son replied "yes" and started crying.
I am concerned about the long term ramifications on a 15 yr. old being told that he's "insane."
The counselor very casually asked my son if he had ever had any sexual activity and again, my daughter and I almost lost it. He got very embarrassed and said that he had never been with a girl. I could have just died for my son. I can't imagine what it was like to have been asked that question in front of your mother and sister.
The worst of all was that the counselor referred to my son as "damaged goods" that need to be fixed. Those words will haunt me forever.
***
I am definitely not trying to sing their praises, but for my own sanity and peace-of-mind, I have had to try and see some positive out of this horrible experience.
He is physically safe, but I am not sure about his mental well-being and his spirit. My 21 yr. old daughter is terribly upset with the entire situation. She called me at midnight last night after returning to college almost hysterical about my getting him out of there.
* * * * *
[The teens were asked to list all the bad things they had done in their life.] He feels that the other kids have done so many more things than he has, and I wouldn't be surprised if he had to make something up just to keep up with them. I might add that my husband thought we were *weird* for thinking that way, but I think it's a real possibility and I had considered it. I have a feeling we will know what's true and what isn't when we hear this list. No, I can't imagine having to write a list of all of the "bad" things I did as a teen. My daughter said the same thing ¾ she said that there would be no way she would tell us everything, that some things are just better left unsaid.
* * * * *
My son cried quite a bit on Saturday and the counselor told me yesterday on the phone that that was his way of "manipulating" me. I am so tired of every program for troubled teens using that word. I prefer the word persuade or convince, but something about manipulating that sounds so devious. I told her that he must be quite an actor to be able to turn the tears on and off that way and that I too must be quite manipulative since I cried the entire time.
* * * * *
Anyone in an administrative position atThe Foundation is on the 12 step program themselves. They are all ex "somethings" which is why they are so gung-ho on this program. They are living it. I had an educational consultant warn me that she didn't like their form of counseling ahead of time, but I chose not to listen after hearing all of the glowing remarks from other parents.
In fact, my husband was required to sign a statement that said our son did not require substance abuse counseling, that he was at the school for a drug-free education. I asked my husband why he signed it and he said he had to as part of the registration process. That's the only reason my son has been there, substance abuse.
* * * * *
We talked to [my son] tonight, he was feeling very badly about the fact that a new boy's family came up for their New Parent's Weekend seminar and were allowed to take him off property for dinner. My son stood up at the table and asked why we hadn't been allowed to stay longer on Thursday and the reply was, "There were too many emotional ties with us and that it wasn't in his best interest." How does a 15 yr. old process crap like that?
? Too many emotional ties with his mother and sister. . . what an unusual situation. I can hardly wait to get him out and now my husband finally agrees. We are putting all of the plans in motion tomorrow with regards to schooling, etc.
* * * * *
I researched these schools for almost one year, but have come to the conclusion that you really don?t know what they will be teaching until your child is actually in there. I can?t begin to tell you how many discrepancies as to things we were told ahead of time that have changed now.
He said that three boys ran away during the night before I picked him up and that someone was always running away. He said many kids feel that going to jail was better than being at the facility, which is why they would risk running away if they had been court-ordered to the school.
* * * * *
I just hope and pray that 4 months wasn't long enough to destroy his spirit and that he doesn't really view himself as an "addict" or "damaged goods that need to be fixed." He has heard how wonderful he is from us for 15 years, so hopefully, 4 months won't have done any permanent damage.
* * * * *
A month later, after receiving confirmation that a refund of tuition from the school had arrived in the mail, she sent me "the rest of the story" in another, long email.
Alexia, I have two requests from you about the information I am going to share with you; total anonymity and accuracy. Please don't take any of this information out of context. I know that your passion is in uncovering the truth about these schools and helping kids, but I want whatever I tell you to be relayed truthfully, as I am confident that if anyone from the facility would read this information, they would definitely know the source and I would never want to relay false information (the truth is bad enough, in my eyes.) We don't talk about the school much anymore, as my son now gets very upset even discussing it. When he first came out, I was very concerned as to the possibility of long-term damage from what he heard and saw while there, but I think he's young and resilient enough that most of it will fade away with time.
The good . . . I feel the academic program at the facility is excellent. The principal runs the school, and though she is severely understaffed, she seems to be well-educated and personally involved in the educational endeavors of each student at the school. When my son first arrived at the school, his academic self-confidence was at an all time low. He lost a lot of time with his major concentration being Party 101 and was very far behind academically. He now realizes that he is capable of doing the work and is very smart. We always told him that, but when you only hear it at home, you don't always believe it. He scored very high on the standardized tests that were given to him and he did very well in all subjects during his 4 month stay. Academics are a No. 1 priority at the school and I find this a plus. The music program at the school is one of the best I have ever heard.
The rest of the story . . .My son has not relayed one positive comment (aside from academics) that was said to him or that he heard during the 4 months. All staff members are 12-steppers with varying histories behind them and what sounds to me like major chips on their shoulders. Some of the staff members have very disturbing pasts which were described in great detail to the kids. I found this most inappropriate. The entire school is run on the 12-step program in everything that is done, 24 hours per day. Prior to enrolling my son, I "thought" I understood the 12 step program, but now I know that I did not. Actually, I am not so sure that I didn't understand it, but I was not sure of how their staff/program interpreted the 12 steps.
During my son?s first telephone call home, he was quietly crying and kept telling me they were telling him he was "insane." I was certain that he was simply misunderstanding them and promised to talk to his counselor about it. He told me that not only did all of the staff tell each of them they were insane and always would be, but each of the students told the other kids that all were insane also. I knew in my heart that my son was mistaken, but unfortunately, he was not. After going out and obtaining everything I could on this 12-step program, I read that one of the steps states that you need to ask for help in returning your life to sanity. During my next conversation with my son, I kept telling him that they meant that he had been doing some "insane" things while high, but that he most certainly was not insane. He kept telling me that that's not what they were telling him. Well, they weren't.
They feel that these kids who were on drugs are full-blown addicts and that an addict is an insane person and always will be. No hope . . . nothing. He said they were told they would never be able to even sit and have a beer, they were addicts PERIOD It doesn't matter that they are only kids and that maybe they aren't "addicts." He was never given a message of hope ¾ - only gloom and doom for the future. They were told that they were the "rejects of society" and that's why they were there. I think I mentioned to you that our so-called family counselor referred to him (in front of him) as "damaged goods" that needed to be "fixed."
We were told that no one was ever forced to attend the religious services offered. We were also told the kids had a choice of Jewish, Catholic or Methodist services. My son has indicated that he attended church for approximately 14 hours per week, 2 hours per day and none of it was voluntary. Only 2 hours per week were other than Catholic services. Everyone had to attend everything. I asked about Jewish students and he said they had to attend the same. He said that sometimes he would go to an extra service on a Sunday night just to get out of Study Hall. The kids were in Study Hall hours on end each day. They had to sit in a chair and study. Everyone had to ask permission to go to the bathroom and they were not always allowed to go when they asked. Upon arrival at the school, your "shadow" had to go to the bathroom with you. Doors were never allowed to be closed.
Kids are encouraged and praised for "bringing someone up at the table." This is the meal table and if someone has done something you don't like, you bring them up on it. My son said these were always crying and shouting bouts that literally gave him an upset stomach while he was eating. My daughter and I witnessed one of these sessions during our last visit and we were shocked. My son later told us that this was mild compared to most days. A girl brought herself up on charges that she had "lusted while walking down the hall" and "judged someone wrongly." She was crying and asking for help while we were eating our macaroni and cheese. My son said he had to tune them out so that it wouldn't ruin his meal. We noticed that other kids would jump on the bandwagon and start criticizing someone after a charge had been brought up because it gave them brownie points to do so. These are the informal counseling sessions that were praised as being such "effective counseling." Effective for whom?
My son said that each staff member was nice to him and no one ever did anything to physically harm him. The most severe form of punishment at the facility was wrapping someone in a blanket. This was done only as a last resort or if a student was a physical threat to himself or someone else. They were wrapped in a blanket and secured with duct tape and remained that way for many hours. We were made aware of this at the Parent's Seminar after the first month. We were not told that the kids were not allowed out [of the blanket] to use the bathroom. My son said he thinks the kids had to go in the blanket. I am not positive of this, but he seems sure of it.
The only punishment we were told about in advance was placement in the corner. My son was made to spend 1 1/2 days in the corner due to his throwing a small clear candy wrapper out of the car window on the way to an AA meeting. Some children have had to spend several weeks staring at the wall! My son was told that his punishment for the wrapper was that he had to pick up 500 pieces of trash at the school within a certain period of time. Well, my son has been taught that there are germs in trash and was not anxious to pick up the trash. Since he didn't start his trash pick-up on time, he had to sit in the corner for a day and a half. They must miss all classes (zeros for each class missed) and eat their meals in the corner as well. I am all for consequences of your actions, but the zeros for the classes didn't sit well with me as they were very adamant about him not missing one 45 minute class during our second visit. We argued that we had flown across the country to visit and wanted an extra 45 min. They insisted that his class was more important. This was the same visit when he was later told that we were really not allowed to stay because there were "too many emotional ties involved."
We were told ahead of time there were 8 boys/men to a dorm room. We knew this was a lot, but went with it. During our first visit to the school, there were 12 boys in his room. His dorm was in actuality a trailer. It was extremely crowded, but clean. When we moved him out, there were 10 boys in his dorm. The room was very crowded. I might add that each "dorm" had only 1 bathroom.
My son said that once the staff members were aware of his impending departure, he was treated differently by most. I asked for examples and he really couldn't give me any, except that they were just "different." He said that no one ever leaves the school early and that most are there well beyond the recommended 18 months. There are students that have been there for 3-3 ½ years. The Director told me that the average stay is now 2 1/2 years. We met several of these students and they were definitely the "cold potatoes" or "Moonies" that have been described in your posts. They were extremely polite and nice people, but they appeared very unsure of themselves to us. My son said that the kids who have been there over a year, are convinced that they CAN'T make it on the outside and are actually scared to leave for fear of failure.
I am not sure if I have relayed our first traumatic incident at this school, this was actually my first real doubt. My son had been at the school for 3 1/2 weeks and we were anxiously awaiting his first call. We got it at the 4-week mark (right on time), but I instantly knew something was wrong aside from being homesick. He sounded physically sick and I questioned it. He said he had been sick for weeks, but that everyone kept telling him to "grin and bear it." He said they were letting him see the doctor the next day because he kept insisting that he was sick. Well, I called early the next morning to see what the Dr. had to say and was told that the doctor said he had a bad case of strep throat and needed rest and medication. They let him stay in the infirmary that day, and told me that he would get antibiotics by noon. Well, no one went to get his medicine until late that night while he laid on a cot and had a high fever all day. The nurse was very kind to him and stayed with him the entire day, but no one left to get his medicine (it was a 10 min. drive into town.) I offered to pay for a cab to get the medicine to him, but was told that they would do it ASAP. I was furious to find out that he didn't receive his first dose of medicine for approx. 12 hours after the doctor's diagnosis. When I called to complain to the Director the following morning, I was told that in no uncertain terms that "this is how it was and that if I didn't like it, I better come up there immediately and take my son home." Can you imagine. What a first impression?. .My son obviously got well, but I know that strep throat can lead to many serious conditions such as rheumatic fever if left untreated.
I think I mentioned to you the fact that my son said many kids would try and run away just in hopes they would get caught and sent to jail rather than stay at the school. He said that even kids who had been at the school over 9 months, still ran away at times. My son told me the only reason he didn't seriously try and run was that he knew we would worry about his whereabouts. I think he was also scared to try.
My son said that most of the kids there have severe anger problems? In light of the recent turn of events with the teen violence in schools, maybe many of these kids do belong there. For my son, it was absolutely the wrong choice and I will always regret sending him there. I spoke to probably 10-15 sets of parents with kids at the school or who had been to the school and felt it had saved their lives. I knew that I had done months of homework and checked every expert possible to look into this school. That's what is so frightening about this whole process . . . I didn't make this selection overnight.
First and foremost, I consider myself a good parent, I was turning "my baby" over to these people for a year and didn't do it lightly. With all of my research, calls, etc., look at what I have discovered once we were inside. I don't think you can ever be confident or trust anyone 100% when you entrust them with your child. Looking back, I guess it was better than his getting arrested (which he's the first to admit was just around the corner again) and going to the county facility, but it cost us a lot emotionally as well as financially and for what? For him to be told that he's a reject and will always be an addict?
I do want to add that I asked the principal for a letter of recommendation for my son's new school in the fall. I told her that they realize that he had only been at [the school] for 4 months, but they wanted to know what kind of student he was, what was his level of motivation, did he turn in his assignments, etc. while he was at the school. She refused to accommodate them with this letter and said it was against her policy. I might add that my son didn't get blackout even once during his 4 month stay. You get blackout [and are kept] from calling home when you don't turn in a homework assignment.
I was told that he was an exemplary student while there from one counselor, yet she wouldn't comply with this small request. She said that my son "would be the one to suffer" from our early withdrawal and it almost sounds like she was making sure of it.
