Sibling Weekend

[Anonymous]

This was another way that Straight gained more customers. I spoke with an old friend of mine from Straight a few months back.

Now everbody here knows who I am and how fucked up I am and just how much shit I talk and how much crazier I can be sometimes.

But anywho, I always have problems with believing people when they tell me fucked up stories. Like when I hear Sammie saying she was raped and Richard saying he broke in ... I'm just saying to myself, that's bullshit, they're lieing. People being raped all the time, all the abuse and all that shit. Well, you're kdding right? There's a reason my mind goes to those places when people talk to me or write about shit that is really serious. It's a shut off kind of mechanism, my mind goes numb because I don't want to show myself to be emotional or w/e about those issues.  When you say that Sammie was 12 1/2 I believe you when you say that. And so then I look at the rest of the incidents and I see that your times in Straight are not that much different than mine, I was in headquarters.

We had a girl in Straight who was only 11. I couldn't fucking believe that shit. Everyone was disgusted at that prospect, and in fact for a long time alot of the group really felt as if she had no place in Straight. Really, like you said, how many drugs do you think someone that young could do. And her parents were fucking whacko to start with, some real losers with a bit of insurance and jobs. Most all of us were teenagers so we just didn't take kindly to her being in our group cos she was just gross being so young. But we got used to her. Any other Straightling. But the thing is, she was so scared, maybe more than most. And you can bet as she got in group more we treated her as much like shit as anyone else.

But that's not why I am writing. I can see the total similarities of all these things. It's not easy for me, Sammie said it awhile back. Somettimes when this site makes you crazy you gotta back off it for awhile. Remembering the past makes me irritable and even confrontive. So I have to take it slow.

Why I was writing is to convey to you an incident that Straight did that I only recently found out about, like within the last six months. My friend was in Straight for two years. I never knew how she got in, she was like me and have never used drugs. She was put in for an 'attitude adjustment' And whenever a dry druggy was put in the group, it was fucked up for us because we were always confused about step one and why people wouldn't leave us alone about it while we'd done no drugs.

Well, my friend came in on what was called a 'Sibling Weekend'. Before the Siblings came in that weekend, the whole group had been reminded not to be in any way confrontive or mean to our siblings. I am lucky because I have two siblings, along with my brother who was in Straight with me, who were in another state with dad at the time of the Sibling Weekend. You can believe that if my two younger sisters', ages 8 and 10, had been in Florida that weekend, Executives and staff would have made it mandatory for them to attend. But anyways, it was strongly conveyed to us not to do anything but be nice and warmish to these siblings. My friend had an older sister in the program.

So, recently she was telling me how she wound up - and so did several other siblings that next week after Sibling Weekend - coming to Straight. She jogged my memory on how she and I originally met. It was in a sibling rap where sibings were to relate to the group and to their Straightling sibling. Well, she got up the nerve and was talking. I stood up and related to her and so did a bunch of other oldcomer girls and boys, as well as her sister, and that's how I met her; a sibling of someone already in Straight. We were so fucking nice and relating that, no fucking joke, my friend went back to her parents and said that she'd like to give Straight a try and that it looked like some kind of place to get some acceptance and some support from her older sister and she could give it a try. Downpayment later and a signature later, hell reveals itself. I can only imagine at what point she realized she was lied to at Sibling Weekend.

That is another way that Straight Incorporated gained more money. This friend of mine has stated that she has moved on from the past, when I tried to talk to her last time she'd changed her number. She has a child now, and a husband. I am glad that she has moved on, she believes that those people will pay for what they did in the next life.

If you want to ask me more about Sibling Weekend I will try to remember. Oh, also I think that we were trying nicely in a confessional rap to get some of the newcomers to admit to any kind of drug usage, I'm not entirely sure but I bet that's how more kids came in. I remember my friend and two other siblings getting put in Straight from that weekend.

I wish I knew someone who was in Straight during my time. It's lonely being at headquarters with folks out just before I came in. Richard was in headquarters, but that bitch wont' spoke to me and he stopped his involvement a year or more before I got schtupt. I see numbers of Straightlings in the phone book but I don't call them cos it's frightening and it's been so long. Whaddaya do? Call 'em up and say, "Hey, we used to beat the fuck outta each other, wanna go for a drink?"? I admire in some disrespectful and jealous manner people who are still able to speak to those who they raped or beat or spat on. That takes some real cahonas, or lots of drugs, or some kind of common bond.

[Antigen]

Well, I wouldn't go looking up ppl who you hate, unless you really, really need answers about things and you're braced for an onslaught of bullshit and paranoia.

I can't talk to my own brothers and sisters because, I think, of the guilt they feel for abandoning me to that fucked up cult and their ongoing need to keep justifying it. Can't even get to the point of 'it's alright, really, if you'll just acknowledge that it was fucked up we can put it behind us'. Nope, not gonna happen. I'm the asshole, always, for taking umbrage at their patronizing little remarks; "Wow! You're really alright? Employed? Living in a regular house? That's amazing!" I'm supposed to take that as a substitute for kindess and respect? Fuck off!

[sigh]

But, if there are ppl who you remember fondly, who didn't get off on the madness, who you'd really like to hook up with and see if they were thinking what you were thinking then call them. Say "Hey, this is [who you are]. I don't know if you remember me or not, but I was just thinking of you the other day and thought I'd look you up."

Either they'll be happy to hear from you or they won't. Yeah, it is an odd, awkward situation. And it's a gambit. Especially if you were particularly brainwashed and may have earned some spite and contempt by it. But it really is vital to have that kind of frame of reference from people who actually were there when you were there.

And yeah, I understand why you're such an intolerable ass sometimes. We may never have met face to face, but we did go to school together in a very real way. If you have questions about Sammie's story I'd suggest you get ahold of Sammie and ask them. She's not really some celebrity wannabe as some people say. She'll talk to ya. Then you can better judge what to believe or not.

That's my advice, anyway.

It continues to amaze me to talk to law students -- college
graduates all and smarter than the average bear -- who will
seriously tell me about how dangerous mj is and how it
destroys the lives of those who use it and who, in the
very next sentence, will tell me how they and their
friends -- now CPAs, engineers, med students -- used
pot regularly through high school and college.  And
they don't see the contradiction between these statements.

We're not just talking ignorance here -- we are talking
deep down, serious, religious indoctrination.


--Buford C. Terrell, Professor of Law, South Texas College of Law

[Anonymous]

Kewl. Thanks, Gin. I got this one cat I'm always thinking about but I didn't know if I should call him. I like to hear stories, for better or worse, on how kids got tricked into coming to Straight Inc. It's like I'm gathering stories or something in some small way. But by far, I found Noel's story to be the most unique even though sad. I know we were all tricked and forced. But it seems that when I was in Straight Incorported HRS was already getting involved more and more. So Straight had to keep the kids rolling in for business, that Sibling Weekend was one way they did it. I'm not sudd3nly going to puss out and start chatting alot. The thing of it is, as a male and as an American, I am designed to have a shut off mechanical wall that goes up and nothing can come in. It's just that there are two options really when I hear about these kinds of things. When Sammie shares her story so well, or when I talked to my friend last month about her being tricked, or when I see Maia's excellent writing on Richard's story; one of two things will happen. I am going to have to become emotionally fucked up again; weak, afraid, teary eyed, fucking sick, shitty, irritated, serious, and vulnerable, most of all vulnerable. Or the other option is that if I can't stomach vulnerability I put up that wall. It's taken this book of Maia's to see that Ray wasn't joking about his stories, and neither was Sammie. I still have my doubts, and I'm not over them ...they're my safety blanket here and I can pull it on when I want to. I'm not even hinting at change here. But you know what I'm saying when I say that if you look at all the shit that went on in Straight on a daily basis, its enough to really make the mind simply and easily go blank and say; 'that didn't happen'.

It is fucking hard not to do that. But it's easier than letting my mind think about the daily things that went on in Straight. Thinking about the past is sometimes healing, you've said that before. I've done some writing as I remember incidents, I write them on here sometimes when I remember them.

My fucking brother was in Straight, he won't talk to me about it. His defenses go right up when I ask him and he yells. He's still doing lots of drugs, and it's probably real good for him actually considering the things we witnessed.

So, Maia put all that shit together and I can't read all of it at once. I was talking alot more shit the other day, you read it. I was saying Richard lied again. It's all too much for my mind to handle! I really still have my doubts, but then again I just don't want to believe that all of this happened. It's hard for me to be friends with people who were ever in Straight. In fact, it's damned near impossible when I think of what happened. I want to remember and heal, I'm doing well with it.

So, my stories aren't that different. I witnessed daily assaults and batteries, and I mean daily. I was in group the day that Mike Johnson and Victor were assaulted for about two hours, this floors me, for being molested sexually by a Senior staff member. We actually confronted Them for being manipulated by a female senior staffer! They got started over, she quit that day. A staff person told them they were lucky they weren't going to jail! How fucked up is that. Alana knows.

I can't remember her name but the girl who was 11 was in my host home once or twice on a weekend visit and family rap. She was always like the tiniest thing, I wanted to fuck her for some stupid reason, but then again I wanted to fuck just about every girl in the program. I was a nerd then, lots of fucking acne from the stress. I had chicken pox and they wouldn't let me see a doctor and I would sit in group and swing back and forth I was so dizzy. The girl's side: a neverending and renewable resource of ritual self-deprecation.

I'm still trying to contact Tripke. I saw her once or twice after I got out, she was fucked up and her parents were still dumping on her. I know where she lives, her father's number is not listed even with an address. I used to live near Earle, Belski, and some fatty named Jennifer who lived above me. She and I would trip alot. But again, we didn't get along and I, for some reason, didn't really want to fuck anyone from Straight. Not sure why. Of course, Kim Bohler would be another story. nm.

Ya know, but my flipping out of late was probably bound to happen anyways. We developed a mass amount of paranoia even without the help of staff. I've had doctors even write down diagnosis of slight paranoia. When others have said it, and when he wrote it, I was like, "fuck you". A paranoid person does not think they are being paranoid. But the truth is that's exactly how Traumatic Amnesia works. This ailment is not like Amnesia. Those with Traumatic Amnesia may have the knowledge of those crimes at the front of their mind, but for some hinderance or severe reason we didn't think were allowed to discuss these things for about ten or fifteen years because we didn't want to be kidnapped again or chased or beat or lied to any more. We made each other fucking nuts and that's no exxageration. So in some real way, my meltdowns were destined to occur somewhere somehow, because it's only been in the last two years that I've been able to discuss Straight, confront my motherfucked parents, ask around, and find anybody and gain some real composure. You can thank Maia for my increased belief in some of you. Head games weren't 'allowed' to be played, but that's what we all did because of the absolutist rules we couldn't juggle mentally. So, my shitassness anywhere lately was probably destined. Not to say that it wasn't instigated by some of the public and forum shenanigans, but it all just makes me saddened looking at these mental and physical stories of real survivors. But I don't have no respect for y'all. I'll spit on ya if you get to near, like a llama. I dont expect any respect in return I guess, who the fuck cares about lil' ole me. But I can't help shaking a sense that all of these horrific stories aren't in some way meant to develop into a really large flower of some kind, I know that sounds pussy, like something is meant to happen as a result of our suffering. I don't just mean that boot camps will end or something like that, but something real. Maybe I'm just being paranoid or grandiose again.

[Antigen]

Noel from Orlando? Short little French gal who looked just like her mother??

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
-- John F. Kennedy (1917-63), U.S. Democratic politician, president. Speech, 13 March 1962, the White House.

[Anonymous]

I remember that Noel was 12 when she came into Pinellas Park Straight, headquarters as some call it. She was the youngest ever Straight at headquarters, until the 11 year old came. I could dig up some old names and numbers and probably get the 11 year old's name, but that would not be efficient to use those favors. I was no more than 15 or 16 when she came in. I know her last name but I can't give that information here. When I spoke to her a month ago I wound up having about three, maybe four conversations with her about Straight. I called around Christmas to see what was going on. I figured she would have asked me not to call back and all, because originally she had said that she doesn't like to talk about it and she had moved on. Plus, she had started crying when we were discussing it and I sorta couldn't handle all that. Then I started blubbering and it was a big mess. So, like I said she really has moved on I guess. But her sister was in there.

That was what was the messed up part of the whole thing; we were told vehemently not to tell the siblings we were hoodwinking them about actual therapy. She went and told her mother that she thought she'd like to give it a try! And her older sister was already part of the program and said not one word to her sister about actual therapy. But anyways, when I called at Christmas she had changed her number. We were set to have coffee and everything, but she really did want to move on. I thank her for being strong when I think of her.

Her sister remains unmarried because she finds that she is a bit too confrontive in relationships.

[Anonymous]

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[FishBone]

Just curious, I know I am replying to a 4 month old post.  I think I may have been in at the same time as you, I was in almost all of '89.  Saw a few names in your post I recognise i think...  I saw hung out with (Stacy?) Tripke, if that is who your talking about, for while after, Dated her best fiend at the time for about a month,,,  You may have been from a completely different time, and the names all start to blend, Let me know...

BTW, I was termed near the end of '89 for tearing the roof out of C room, (I think that is what it was called) with three other guys, for a hint as to me...

Dave