Author Topic: just wondering who is out there  (Read 3132 times)

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Offline bex-b

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just wondering who is out there
« on: February 13, 2003, 12:04:00 AM »
Hey, I'm Rebecca.  I was there in '89 and '90.  It's a little odd to be thinking about all this again...I'm curious though how people are doing.  Good, I hope.  I feel like....whoops!  Sit down!!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline bex-b

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« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2003, 11:14:00 PM »
Hi everyone.

It's Rebecca again.  So I heard about this website from my brother a few days ago, he was in the program too, and now I can't stop checking it to see if i know anyone else.  The first thing I did was look at the list of people who had been in there.  I was really sad to see some of the people who have died...I really loved Rachael R. a lot...and some of the Calgary people too.  I feel like I got lucky in my KIDS experience, mmaybe luckier than some of you who suffered at the hands of other children and adults who had too much power and were corrupted by it. I think that most of the oldcomers who took me home really loved me and wanted to help me.  It took my parents a year and a half to realize that something was rotten in Denmark but they finally realized.  I had to be deprogrammed for about 9 months when i got out and I would go to AA meetings and "share" in that unintelligible KIDS-speak that made no sense and cringe everytime that I said 'feels like' and feel guilty and like shit most of the time-- anxious and depressed-- but I kept talking and it went away after a few years.  I guess I was lucky too that I knew I was a drug addict before i went to KIDS because it at least was an excuse for having to go through that insanity, at least I got out of there with some time sober put together which I couldn't do before.  So as the years have gone by my brother and I have gotten angry at our parents and hashed it out with them and felt better then felt worse then had to do it all over again.  I feel like it made me stronger too, like if I could go through KIDS of Bergen County than I could deal with anything.  I read this book by Victor Frankel about the holocaust and how the Germans around Auchwitz would smell the burning flesh and force themselves to believe that it was nothing, that it was just a work camp, that no Jews were being killed because the truth was just too horrible to bear--so they didn't say anything and went along with it.  I feel like that is something like what happened at KIDS, to survive  we had to go along with the violence and the abuse so the pack wouldn't turn on us.  That was one of the hardest truths about myself that I had to face coming out of there.  That i had done to others what had been done to me.  I always thought I was a strong independent personality but I saw what I was capable of doing if I was part of a mob.  The thing that kills me is that Newton had in his power all of these innocent young people and he twisted them because he had the power to do that. Abuse of power to foster his own fragile ego.  I hope I never pass that sickness on to anyone in my lifetime.  
Anyway, life is really good now.  I've been clean since KIDS, i went back to school, graduated college, lived in Puerto Rico for five years, windsurfed my ass off, I'm back in New York and about to graduate with another degree.  Part of it has been to prove them wrong, I'm not just a loser druggie with nothing to give, so piss off and kiss my ass.  My brother is good too but I'll let him talk if he feels like it.  Best wishes to you all.  Part of me would like to name some names to see if you're out there but I feel like maybe that is screwing with other people's lives and anonymity and maybe some people just want to forget and move on.  Again, my love to all of you, Rebecca Brown ('89-'90)
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline farmbarby

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just wondering who is out there
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2003, 10:55:00 PM »
Dear Rebecca,
   Unbelievable! I just found this website out of pure boredom. My name is Jan Rayburn and about two weeks ago my sister Gina said to me what ever happened to Rebecca Brown? I am so glad to hear you are well. Gina and I are both great. Gina is a single mom with a 3 year old boy. She works with youth in the corrections system. I have two girls ages 6 and 8. I do freelance faux finishing and interior decorating. Drop us a line we would love to here from you.

                      Love,
                          Jan
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Offline bex-b

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« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2003, 01:28:00 AM »
What's up Jan Rayburn!!

I am so glad  to hear from you.  You and your sister are two of the people that I wanted to name but didn't know if I should.  It makes me very happy that you are both well.  This is my email so we can catch up a little rebeccacampaubrown@msn.com and so I can see pictures of the kids.  Email me, OK?  Isn't this bizarre after 13 years?

Lots of love,

Rebecca
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2003, 10:27:00 AM »
Hey Rebecca, It`s Katie Reid.I`m glad to hear your well !I have thought of you and your brother many times. And I`m in the city a lot and everytime I pass a "brownstone" I wonder where you guys lived.Our moms were friends too.It`s so good to hear that others from Kids are good , it helps me with my own healing.I`m married and have a 10 year old girl, and 4 year old boy.

And Jan R. I`m happy to hear your well too. And Gina.I liked you guys.It`s crazy because I have such limited memories of people during my 5 year stay. So many people in and then out and I never saw them again, very strange.But you guys stick out, in a good way.I also had a brother in their, Bobby Reid.

Great to hear from you both,
 Katie Reid {86-91}

PS:I go by Kate Walsh now. I got married in "93"
   to Bryan Walsh. He was in Kids as well.
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Offline farmbarby

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« Reply #5 on: February 16, 2003, 12:15:00 PM »
Hi Katie! It's Jan R. How great to hear from you. Everytime I forget to wear sunscreen I think of you coming back from a day off completely burnt and swollen. I am completely amazed since I just found this website yesterday how many people visit it. Thanx for the hello.
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Offline bex-b

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« Reply #6 on: February 16, 2003, 04:31:00 PM »
Hey Katie,

I am so happy to hear from you.  You are another one I wanted to name.  I remember that sunburn too, ouch!  You are one of the people that I remember from when I first got to KIDS.  It was my first few weeks and I found out that you had already been there for years but you seemed normal and calm so I figured I could ride it out if I had to.  I think knowing you were there helped me not to freak out too much, that somehow I would be OK.  You and your brother seemed close too which I related to.  Our parent's brownstone is in Park Slope, in Brooklyn.  My brother lives there now, he has the whole thing to himself most of the time--lucky dog.  I live close by in an apartment.  Congratulations on your kids, and on your marriage.  I have no kids yet, just two cute, friendly, little pitbulls.  Give my love to Bryan.

Rebecca
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #7 on: February 16, 2003, 09:58:00 PM »
I love the sunburn story. I forgot about that!
The sun and me are good these days, thank god for tanning beds!!!

Loved getting a responce from you both.Thanks. :razz:  :razz:
Kate
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Offline John Olsakovsky

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« Reply #8 on: February 16, 2003, 11:46:00 PM »
Names I recollect....
The familiarity bells ringing dull-ly in my ears...

Every time I see a name I remember from the short time I was in KoNJ, I feel compelled to say something, to see if I'm remembered at all...

I hope all is well with you all.  Things are superbly well with myself...  
I have so many questions about people, places, times, faces, acts, and so on.
Especially the people from Calgary.

Being in NJ after leaving El Paso made me appreciate the distance and the loneliness, especially with parents who weren't there at open meeting every night...
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #9 on: March 15, 2003, 12:48:00 AM »
Hi Rebecca,
   I have so often thought about you and your brother.  I remember when you came over to my place in Calgary just after I had my first son.  It's good to hear you are doing well.  I now have 3 boys and am remarried.  I'd love to hear from you karmyannie@aol.com.
Ann Mowat
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »